Kucing Gatal Speaks

No kids please

2010-09-08T05:36:00.003+08:00

Now that I'm married, the question I'm most asked by well-intentioned folks is, "Bila nak beranak?"

Not that it's any of your business, makcik, but hubby and I are most contented with our lifestyles at the moment and we don't want some snot-nosed little terror ruling us from his or her crib. Of course, someday I do want kids but not right now.

Right now, we're still busy enjoying life, each other (and trust me, we've enjoyed each other in a LOT of places) and most importantly, freedom to do as we want.

You know the old joke where the man refers to his wife as the old ball and chain? Well I think that applies to kids instead.

I have a friend who has 3 young boys and she hasn't had a good night's sleep in 6 years. SIX years! Another friend just had a baby and he's gone goo goo ga ga quite literally over the excitement and tiredness.

And then there are those with teenagers and I don't need to tell you what a nightmare they are.

I love all these kids but from afar. I'm not quite ready yet to dive into motherhood, and hubby is fine with that, so back off, makciks.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a childless and happy Meow.

Back!

2010-09-05T07:01:00.003+08:00

Phew! It's been a long time but I'm finally back. Drama... forgot my password and then realised my email account had expired.

Befitting that my last post was about Merdeka ... I see things haven't really changed since then, in fact, it may even have deteriorated. Racism seems to be raising its ugly head more and more, and is much more vocal than before.

My fellow Malaysians, remember that we are all equal. None of this 'we are superior, you are pendatang' crap. I was born here, you were born here, that makes us Malaysian. There is nothing to prove that you are more Malaysian than I am, or vice versa. Leave history to the books and let's think about the future.

Do we really want a tense future for our descendants? Or worse, a civil war? I think not. Let's start with ourselves. The next time you start stereotyping or thinking racist thoughts, stop. Left unchecked, these thoughts will just fester and fester until hatred/intolerance develops and things boil over.

So make a conscious effort to change the way you think. Don't let the idiot politicians brainwash you - we're all equal. Remember that.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a love-thy-neighbour Meow.

50 years on, is this where we want to be?

2007-08-20T08:08:00.000+08:00

Merdeka .... what does it mean to me? We're about to reach 50 years of independence, as the man in the street will tell you with glee, but what does it really mean, especially to those born after 1957?

I've always taken our sovereignty for granted, having never had to live under foreign powers and fear cruel masters who would slap or torture you for the slightest transgression. I've never had to flee to the jungles and live off edible roots while fearing every footstep I hear. I've never seen heads impaled on stakes, bodies in mass graves, people being whisked off never to be seen again.

We've all heard the horror stories, and are constantly told that we should be grateful for what we have now. We've praised the numerous heroic figures who helped fight for our independence and shape our country's future, but in reality, those figures are vague in our minds. We are more familiar with the adventures of Hang Tuah than the struggles of our forefathers.

Many of us sing the national anthem and wave the flag purfunctorily. But can you blame us? With some politicians today taking every advantage to drive wedges between the races, and zealots threatening our harmonious way of living, it's getting harder and harder to truly love the country as it is today. There's a lot to be fixed, and it's my fervent hope that the powers-that-be fix things as soon as possible rather than letting the rot set in even further.

I love this country, I love what it's done for me, and I love that I've had a good life so far. What I don't love is the path I see it going down.

Merdeka, to me, is a symbol of a glorious past. A time when the country stood united, with a bright future ahead. That future is dimming with each successive year. The grumbles are getting louder, the tensions are deepening. It hasn't come to the stage yet where we fear the future, but that day is rapidly arriving.

For the sake of our country, dear leaders, please stop the pettiness and the bickering, and work together for the greater good. Stop tearing the country apart. Focus on making our streets safe again, instead of picking on bloggers. Focus on improving the economy, instead of wasting tax dollars on frivolous things like the biggest this and that. Focus on equality and a fair chance for all, instead of quotas and religious and racial supremacy.

That's the true spirit of Merdeka - preserving what's good, and ensuring a safe future for generations to come, regardless of their colour or background.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a patriotic Meow.

Nipples on Show

2007-06-27T04:18:00.000+08:00

I have fairly large breasts - not obscenely large, nowhere near the scale of Dolly Parton, but a good decent size. The men I've been with loved cupping them, and fondling them, and paid lavish attention to them. They're much loved, these breasts of mine.

Anyway, I did something naughty just the other day. I was off from work, and bored. So I decided to head out into the big bad world of KL.

Put on a nice baju kurung, one of my favourites. I don't like those loose, shapeless ones favoured by so many women. Mine are a little more snug, having been tailored to suit my body shape.

Oh, and I didn't wear a bra.

Off I went.

Suffice to say, men noticed. They ogled. My nipples hardened, as they do, under such attention. They ogled some more. I hardened some more. It was a very pleasurable cycle. I think a couple of the guys hardened too.

I would stop to window shop, press up against some glass case, and it just felt so. damn. good.

By the time I came home, I was horny as hell. Called up hubby-to-be, he made some excuse and left work, and came home and ravished me. Rough sex, but not too rough, just the way I like it. Orgasmically, scream-out-loud good. Easily one of my top 5 sexual encounters.

He now wants to come with me on my next braless outing, and fondle my breasts in public. Just how and when we don't know yet. Have to figure out the best place and time so we don't get caught, while at the same time, have enough people watching to make it exciting.

We both like to live dangerously, him and me.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a bare-breasted Meow.

Royalty vs Reality

2007-05-18T10:08:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, and not so very long ago, I would have given anything to be in Zara Salim Davidson's shoes.

My major - and I mean major - crush on Nazrin Shah was no secret to those who know me. I had a grand majlis perkahwinan all planned out, and all I needed was to bump into the Raja Muda himself, whereupon I would dazzle him with my beauty and charm, leaving him with no doubt whatsoever that I was The One.

Oh well. Life in the royal household wouldn't suit me anyway.

Now I have another majlis perkahwinan in the works, not so grand, but will be very special nonetheless. And I'd pick this one over the ostentatious one any day.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a non-royal Meow.

Big News

2007-04-09T09:56:00.000+08:00

Marriage is on the cards.

Watch this space.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a suspenseful Meow.

The Journey

2007-02-22T06:57:00.000+08:00

He was driving and I was in the back seat, chatting away to my friend. Looking up, I met his eyes in the rear view mirror. It was electrifying.

You know the feeling you get when you look at someone and feel instant chemistry? I felt that in the seconds that we gazed at each other. That warm, melt-your-insides kind of feeling that makes you want to just flop over and smile stupidly. Powerful eye chemistry.

I love that feeling.

I could tell he was smiling too, from the way his eyes crinkled at the corners.

It was a long journey, full of stolen glances, full of stupid smiles. I didn't want it to end.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a smiley Meow.

Premature Problem

2007-02-02T07:35:00.000+08:00

An email from a troubled reader:

Kucing - first and foremost, i believe salutations are in order: happy 2007 & may this be your best year yet. have been lurker on your blog for quite a while now, it's great to see you continuing after your hiatus. in any case, here's a little something i thought you can help me with. i have a query that perhaps fellow readers can help answer. no, am also not discounting the fact that you might have a solution too!

i've noticed of late that sex tends to be a relatively quick affair. i don't claim to be a stud, i'm not god's gift to womenkind but i don't think that i'm a complete dud either. i used to be able to at least hold a lovemaking session beyond more than just a couple of strokes. however, the past few month's encounters have been dissatisfyingly short & I'd cum after a few minutes (which is a shame because i truly enjoy sex. then again, who doesn't but let's not get into that!). Now, i'm a spring chicken no longer but i do consider myself relatively fit for someone in his mid 30s. i thought men's propensity for premature ejaculation decreases with age. The intensity is still the same its just that I'm not able to control my cum as well as before. maybe you can help post this for sharing with your readers & see what they think. would welcome all advise & solutions. keep meowing!

cheers
krayyonkidd

Kucing Gatal says:

Dear Krayyonkidd,

First of all, apologies for responding to your letter so late. Been totally busy these last few weeks.

Now on to your problem. I'm assuming that you don't have any erection problems, just ejaculation problems - correct me if I'm wrong.

You're in your mid-30s which isn't old at all, so we can't blame old age for this problem. And you're obviously well experienced and get lots of sex, so it can't be because you've abstained for months and the sexual pleasure is too much to bear for your little friend.

In situations like this, where I do not have the answers in my mind (it's been somewhat vacuous recently), I turn to the God of Everything-You-Need-To-Know. Google.

And Google showed me the answers.

Potential causes of premature ejaculation:

A side effect of taking certain drugs - even over-the-counter ones such as cold pills.
Stress on the job or in a relationship
A serious psychological condition such as obsessive-compulsive disorder
A result of a physical problem, such as a urinary tract infection.
Haven't learned to manage their bodies' reactions properly during sexual arousal (which I think is safe to rule out in your case, Krayyonkidd).

Possible solutions:

Stop the drugs (jauhkan diri daripada dadah, even over-the-counter ones)
Take a holiday if you're stressed
Don't focus only on your own enjoyment - take the time to pleasure your partner too
Apparently there's a Velcro-type device available in the market. It's called a testicular restraint and the idea is to restrain the testicles from their natural tendency to move during sex, which helps some men delay ejaculation. Good luck trying to get it past our vigilant customs officials ("Apa benda ni?")
Here's a toughie - try not to think about sex when you're having it. Occupy your mind with something else, such as whether nasi lemak tastes better with a sliver of hard boiled egg or a pathetic little omelette scrap. Of course, the downside (heh heh) to this is pretty obvious. For those who are slow, I mean you could lose your erection.
Wear a condom - makes your penis less sensitive
See your doctor if you suspect it could be a physical or psychological problem

Climaxing too fast is no fun to both parties involved - it's an embarrassing, frustrating and disappointing problem. I hope that these solutions can help you regain control and stop your willy from spewing early.

Any readers out there who had this problem and found a way to solve it? Krayyonkidd would love to hear your solutions!

Hope this helps,
Kucing Gatal

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a mature Meow.

Let's make it a happy 2007!

2007-01-07T09:18:00.000+08:00

I don't make New Year resolutions for the simple reason that I try to improve myself throughout the year. I could have new resolutions in March or June or any other time of the year. Instead, what I normally do is make wishes on New Year's Day.

This year is no different.

My wishes for 2007:

1. People learn to respect other people's religions and beliefs and no one considers themselves superior. Whether you worship Allah or Jesus or Buddha or Krishna or Yahweh or a tree, everyone should respect your rights to your own beliefs. And no mixing of religion/race with politics.

2. People under 18 will not have sex. My dear children, you do not want to spend your teenage years handling unwanted consequences. Wait till you're at least 18, then go wild if you want. Because by then, your brain would (or at least should) have developed enough to understand that a baby is forever, and sexually-transmitted diseases are more common than you think. And whatever age you are, practise safe sex.

3. The Malaysian public develop manners overnight. There will be no more spitting or nose picking in public, cutting queues, road rage, rude gestures and so on. Everyone will be polite to each other and maintain cleanliness and orderliness ... but without our country actually becoming as sterile as a particular southern neighbour.

4. All the dumb Malaysian politicians get kicked out and replaced with intellectuals working towards the country's best interests. This would probably mean an overhaul of the entire Cabinet barring a handful of ministers. Unfortunately this seems to be the least likely wish to come true.

5. The Malaysian ringgit becomes much stronger, enabling us to travel and actually enjoy holidays without bankrupting ourselves. Oh, and house prices come down too.

So there you have it. My wish list for the year.

Those of you reading this, kindly contribute to Wish #3, ok? That's probably the only one under our control unless of course you're a politician or a horny under-18.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a brand new Meow for a brand new year.

Love Hurts

2006-12-17T15:10:00.000+08:00

This cat's in a sticky situation.

For the past couple of months, I've gotten to know a certain someone rather well. A man who's intelligent, articulate, funny, gentlemanly and most of all, sweet. So sweet you want to eat him.

The new guy at work - such a cliche, isn't it?

At first I didn't even notice his existence. It was only after several encounters in the lift, with him holding the door open for me, making small talk, getting off at the same floor, that I realised he worked in the same company (can you tell I'm not super observant?)

Anyway this blur Kucing finally found out who he was. Same company, different department. Only his second job - he quit the first one after 5 years of thankless work at a well-known multinational in KL. Young, bright, the kind who'll climb the corporate ladder pretty fast.

Encounters in the lift quickly escalated to short tea breaks, then long lunches. We have this connection that I can't explain. We both love the same things, think of the same thing at the same time, sometimes finish each other's sentences, and most importantly, can sit together in companionable silence.

This guy is everything I want in a man.

I found out last week he's married. This time I can't blame my lack of observation. He doesn't wear a ring, and not once has he mentioned his wife. I found out through someone else, and then later when I asked him, he was quite happy to talk about his marriage. Seems it's a happy one.

I don't know what his reasons are for not mentioning it earlier. But I'm stuck because I've truly fallen for him - and it goes against my strongest principle: Don't go for taken men.

I can't stop thinking about him, and it's driving me crazy. Just last night I dreamt that we were on a company trip, and after dinner, he stayed back to talk to me while everyone else headed for their own rooms. We had a long conversation, then he wrapped his arms around me and we had the sweetest kiss ever. I woke up feeling hollow, feeling angry at myself, yet still imagining the warmth of his embrace.

I know the best thing would be to forget him, just treat him as a friend, nothing more. But when you've been searching your whole life for a certain someone, and thought you'd found him, how do you forget him? How can you see him almost every day and not show your true feelings? How do you move on?

I am in love - and all I can feel is heartbreak.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an anguished Meow.

Malay Girls

2006-08-19T12:52:00.000+08:00

I heard a comment some time back that made me think. It was made flippantly by a male friend of mine, and it was about Malay girls. He was generalising and said that it was a known fact that Malay girls were wild in bed.

He also went so far as to say that tudung-ed girls were the best. Apparently he was speaking from experience. Now, I happen to know a few wild tudung-ed chicks, but I also know the decent kind. Wearing a tudung doesn't automatically make you decent, obviously.

With the wild ones, in the daytime they're polite and charming, come night time, it's off with the headgear, on with the skimpy clothes, and off to the nightclubs they go. Whereas the decent ones fulfill all their obligations, including praying 5 times a day. fasting, and so on and so forth. I'm not here to judge, I'm just stating my observations.

Anyway, back to what my friend said. He insisted that Malay girls have a reputation (in KL at least) of being willing to do anything in bed. He said you could go to a nightclub, and the easiest ones to pick up would be the Malay chicks.

"Very horny, and best in bed!" he grinned.

I've heard this before, but since I've never tried to pick up Malay chicks, I'll have to just gather opinions from the rest of you. Do you agree with my friend? And don't just agree based on things you've heard, I am more interested in hearing from you if you've actually experienced this for yourself.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a curious Meow.

Stressed at work? Dial a BJ!

2006-07-15T19:15:00.000+08:00

I was bored today so I thought up a new business idea: blowjobs at work.

I call it 'Work Perk'. The tagline? Blowjobs, for when your job blows.

I can picture the ads now: "Does your work suck? Ours does ... literally!" Or something along those lines. Creative minds, do your best!

I'm the boss so I won't be doing the work myself of course. That will be the job of my underlings.

Think about it, it's REAL stress relief ;) I'll definitely get rich from this scheme of mine. If only it were legal ...

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a business-y Meow.

Sexy new template

2006-07-15T07:51:00.000+08:00

I've got a nice new template, the last one stopped working for a bit and I decided to change it for now. I love this look, except that it works best in Firefox, looks a bit wonky in IE for some reason. And I don't know techy techy business, so I don't know how to fix it.

So everyone, please switch to Firefox to see my template working perfectly ok?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a pleased Meow.

No Sugar Daddies, thank you

2006-07-08T18:23:00.000+08:00

Every Monday to Friday I get up early to head to a job I hate, just so I'm able to pay my bills and buy whatever my greedy little heart desires. Every Sunday night I start thinking about work and my mood darkens. I start thinking about the crowded train rides, the backstabbing colleagues, the thankless work and my mind conjures up all sorts of excuses not to go in to work the next morning.

It wasn't always like this. I used to have a job that I truly loved, in a tiny little company with really great colleagues. Too bad the company was mismanaged and it went bankrupt.

A month of unemployment later, I was getting desperate, and finally landed this job, with the unpredictable boss. Sure, it pays the bills, but it can get mind-numbingly boring. And I know I can perform much better but I just lack the passion to put my heart and soul into my work.

I am still at that stage where I know what I want to do (own my own business) but lack the courage (and capital) to take the leap. Running your own business isn't easy. Yes, you are your own boss, but ... you are your own boss. That means if you don't do a good job, you don't get paid.

Someone asked me why don't I just get a Sugar Daddy. There are lots in KL if you know where to look, but I'm totally uninterested. I want to make it on my own, not have some sleazy old man make me dance to his tune just so I can have a nice condo, new car, etc. I have no respect for mistresses who are in it for the money, nor do I have any respect for the men who leave their wives at home while they go gallivanting about shamelessly. I want to be able to look at everything I own and say with pride, "I earned this."

I'm slowly saving up, and someday I will have enough to maybe buy something small, and with some luck, and a lot of hard work, I want to turn it into something super successful. If only I can figure out what the next big thing would be ...

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an entrepreneurial Meow.

Masturbation

2006-07-02T15:18:00.000+08:00

Discuss.

Rules:
1. No offensive comments. Examples include unnecessary vulgarities and inflammatory remarks, such as "Kucing Gatal is a f*cking c*ck teaser." All such comments will be deleted.
2. Comment about anything you want as long as it's on-topic, and it adheres to rule #1.

Lack of control on the morning train

2006-06-02T13:30:00.000+08:00

One of my pet peeves is taking the train during peak hour. As we're all painfully aware, the LRT is jam packed and there's hardly any breathing space from 7 - 9 am or so. Add to that the kiasu attitude of many commuters and you're in for a very uncomfortable ride to work.

A couple of mornings ago I was as usual packed in like a sardine on a slow-moving train. I was holding on to one of the poles and there were people pressed up against each other, including me. I tried to create as much personal space as possible using my elbows and handbag but it really wasn't of much use. Each time we arrived at a different station, stubborn commuters would try to squeeze in, squashing us inside even more.

Anyway, a few minutes into my journey, I suddenly felt something against my back. Something hard. Hardening, in fact. It took me a few seconds to figure it out. Usually it's someone's backpack or umbrella, or once in a while, someone's arm so I was slow to react. But then I realised what it was, and turned around to give the pervert a piece of my mind, anticipating some mat gatal pretending to look the other way.

It turned out to be a young fellow in his teens. And he wasn't looking the other way. In fact, he looked directly at me as I turned, with the most apologetic look on his face. His eyes looked so kesian, like they were begging me to forgive him. It was as if he had no control over that part of him and it was happily reacting of its own free will to the effect of being rubbed up against yours truly's behind.

What to do in a situation like that? The guy was young, probably an innocent, couldn't control himself, but couldn't move away either. So I did the only thing I could. I positioned my handbag directly in the line of fire. That way there was no more body contact. I think the guy was super relieved that I didn't make a scene, he actually smiled at me. I quickly turned around and pretended nothing had happened. It may have looked a bit funny to other people, plus my handbag could have been picked, but I think it was better than the alternative.

Maybe the guy was a pervert and this was his modus operandi, but I prefer to believe in his innocence. Otherwise I'd just feel assaulted and violated. I'll keep a lookout for him on the trains again, and observe his behaviour. If he turns out to be a pervert after all, there will be consequences (and perhaps some violence, just to teach him a valuable lesson).

Has this happened to anyone else before? How did you react? Guys, how many of you have been in a similar situation, where you couldn't control your little brother in public? I'd love to hear how you dealt with the situation.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a rubbed-up-the-wrong-way Meow.

Ada apa dengan football?

2006-05-22T09:28:00.000+08:00

It's coming up to that time again where prolonged sulks, withheld sex and even nude parades in front of the TV will fail to grab your man's attention . I'm talking, of course, about that once-every-four-years scourge for women everywhere, the World Cup.

Ladies, pay attention. Most jantans are going to be completely absorbed and distracted next month. They will be very eager to discuss the finer points of every match with you, but don't expect them to pay the same amount of attention to everyday stuff like your new haircut, the wonderful meal you just cooked, your terrible day at work, etc. Unless of course you can somehow fit football in, for example: "Sayang, today my boss shouted at one of my colleagues just like how that fellow shouted at his footballer, that famous guy what's his name, Beckem or whatever, and made him leave the team ..."

Which is when your man's ears will perk up and correct you: "You mean Beckham, and 'that fellow' you mentioned is Alex Ferguson."

At which point you smoothly continue your story: "Ya, ya, anyway my colleague has threatened to leave the company just like Beckham left the team. And then one of my other colleagues ... blah blah blah."

Come to think of it, Beckham can be cunningly slipped into every conversation. "Darling you like my new hairstyle or not? A bit daring kan? My inspiration is Beckham, he doesn't care what anyone says, he will just try out new styles ..."

"Do you like this new sarong I bought for you? You know who elses wears sarongs? Beckham!"

"I made this new chicken dish, I call it the Beckham Fowl ..."

Anyway, back to the World Cup. Most men I know are very into football. Mild mannered most of the time, but come football season, these men transform into angry coach couches. They rant and rave over stupid referee decisions, dubious calls, disputed goals, player transfers, game tactics and so on. They can get quite red in the face during heated discussions, and sometimes I think they're about to burst some vein in the head with the amount of stress they create for themselves.

Personally, I don't get the love affair these men have with football. It's a game. I'll watch it, and sometimes yes it's very exciting, but it's still JUST A GAME. So your team won? So what? Must you go around crowing about it? So your team lost? So what? Not worth committing suicide over.

And by the way, why is it "your team"? Do you own them? Do they know you? No. Do they care about you? Only if you buy their merchandise, I guess. Otherwise, you're just a little speck of dust as far as they're concerned.

I know a few women who are just as much into football and are able to hold their own when it comes to discussions and debates. Nothing wrong with this. I notice however, that their fascination with the game ends there. They aren't members of the fan clubs, they don't salivate over the latest jerseys, bid on ebay for a ball that Thierry Henry once accidentally kicked, and so on.

I still don't get, and will probably never get, the fanaticism surrounding football. The way it turns men into slavish fans, ready to maim and kill fans of another club. Men are willing to wake up at 2 am in the morning to watch a game without complaint. But the baby crying at 2 am? That's the woman's job. Men are willing to stand up for "their" team and defend them to their very last breath. But their girlfriend/wife/sister/mother got harassed by a road bully? "Never mind lah, small matter only." Tikus at all other times, magically transformed into a lion, all because of a ball (and 22 men).

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a perplexed Meow.

P/S For the record, I'm supporting France in the World Cup ;)

My very own Queer Eye

2006-04-30T10:31:00.000+08:00

People say that gay guys are a girl's best friend, but I think hanging out with gay guys is very stressful because they can be so ... bitchy.

Well, at least the one I hang out with. He's very critical about my dressing, makeup, hairstyle, etc, and has no qualms about giving me his brutally honest opinion even if it means reducing me to tears.

If I've somehow or other managed to mix and match my accessories wrongly, he makes it sound like I've committed a heinous crime.

"What are you wearing??!"
"These are new accessories I got last weekend. Nice or not?"
"No!! It's like you dug through a dustbin and found these pieces. So ugly! Not matching some more!"

More often I hear these lines:
"Don't you have any colour sense?!!"
"Owwww, my eyes!!!"
"Kucing, I'm not going out with you if you insist on wearing that horrible blouse!"

He's my self-appointed style guru but here's the problem. Our fashion sense is completely different. I hate his taste and he hates mine. We're both great at pointing out other people's fashion disasters, especially him with his keen eye that can spot an outdated pair of shoes or the wrong shade of eyeshadow from miles away.

But I'm way more cincai and he can't stand it. He takes great pride in his appearance and can't understand why I'm happy to go about in some clothes that date back to the late 90s, without much makeup on. I make an effort for special occasions, but don't expect me to pile on the makeup, put on some sexy clothes and strap on the high heels just to go to the mamak.

We go shopping and he'll insist I try on clothes that I would otherwise never be caught dead in. I have to grudgingly admit that his taste is better than mine, but I want to be comfortable in what I wear, and that means I get to choose my own outfits, thank you very much.

So we continue to clash. And he continues to bitch. And yet we're still friends, since whenever he opens his mouth to tell me off, I roll my eyes at him and tell him that his butt (his pride and joy) looks big in those pants. That shuts him up since for the next 15 minutes or so, he'll be busy checking out his reflection in every shop window we pass by.

Then we bitch about others, and all is well again.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a merry Meow.

A gentle soul

2006-02-23T18:20:00.000+08:00

On the train recently, I happened to be seated across from a guy who was skinny, had scraggly hair and a couple of tattoos. There was a general wildness about him. He seemed to be one of those who couldn't care less what others thought of him.

I had him pegged as a Mat Rock, till he looked up and stared straight at me. He had the softest looking eyes I have ever seen on a man. It immediately made him seem gentler and at peace with the world. I couldn't help but stare back. It was hypnotic. Even after he looked away, I still felt strangely drawn to him.

And then, (and I'm not making this up), he started sucking his thumb. But it wasn't the kind of thumb sucking that infants and toddlers indulge in. It was weird. He had his thumb in his mouth, while the rest of his fingers stroked his face. He didn't seem to be consciously doing it - in fact he seemed to be in a different world altogether, and didn't seem to realise that people were looking at him.

The guy got off at the next stop, leaving me staring after him. There was just something inexplicably strange about him. He may have been stoned out of his mind, but those eyes ... they haunted me for the rest of the day.

I prefer to think of him as a gentle soul, rather than a stoned addict. It's a lot more heartwarming, don't you think? And that's what the world needs at this moment. More gentle souls.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a gentle Meow.

V Day

2006-02-14T10:06:00.000+08:00

Love? Bah!

But I am a sucker for this soppy, over-commercialised celebration, so:

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone :)

Here's a virtual rose for my dear readers.
@}-`--

One rose per person, while stocks last.

Different perspectives

2006-02-12T17:13:00.000+08:00

I met an old school friend yesterday. She was carrying her 7-month-old son and seemed happy and contented. We chatted over coffee and filled each other in on our lives.

I was feeling envious that she seemed to have it all: good husband, cute kid, great job, nice house, when she looked at me and said, "Kucing, I'm jealous. You're single, you can do as you please. Me, I have to answer to my husband and I'm a slave to my child. I don't have any freedom. I wish I were in your shoes."

It was totally unexpected. Here I was, envying her lifestyle, when she was envying mine.

From outside looking in, she seems to have everything she needs. But in truth, she lacks true happiness. Still, she has a good deal more than many other people, and as she told me, she's truly grateful for that.

Would I choose her lifestyle over mine? Not right now. I do know that once I'm married, my priorities would totally change. Perhaps I'll miss my old lifestyle. But I would have made the change by choice, unlike this friend of mine who had an arranged marriage.

The grass only looks greener ...

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an eye-opening Meow.

Muse wanted

2006-02-04T17:41:00.000+08:00

I've been neglecting my blog lately, mostly due to work commitments. Ever notice how your boss happens to pass by your desk whenever you're doing something that's not work related? Whenever I get a bit bored and start surfing, somehow the boss senses it from across the room and makes his way towards my desk. Sometimes I'm so absorbed that I don't even notice he's there until he speaks, which makes me jump out of my skin.

By then it's too late to close whatever window I have open, so I just have to look confident, stare him in the eye and ask him what the hell he wants. In a more polite way of course. If it's not the boss, it's some big mouthed colleague who will very loudly ask, "Eh, surfing AGAIN ah??!" or "You buying something from ebay ah??!" or "Is that your blog??!"

Sometimes I wish this colleague would be run over by a very big lorry when she's crossing the road. Then I realise how mean I'm being and pray for forgiveness. After all, pity the lorry driver who'll be haunted for the rest of his life by a loud-mouthed girl screaming at him: "You couldn't see me meh??! So blind ah??! Stupid bastard, why you langgar me??!"

Anyway, I've been lucky so far. Never been told off by the boss for all that unproductive surfing, but that's probably because I get my work done well on time. Otherwise I'd probably be the reason for an office-wide memo banning all Internet surfing during work hours.

But the boss has been in a spectacularly bad mood recently and I don't want to give him an excuse to get mad at me and fire me or worse, yell at me in front of everyone. That would be incredibly malufying. Hence, no blogging during working hours.

And the rest of the time? Well, I'm just plain lazy ;) Plus my life's been so boring lately that there's nothing interesting to blog about. I think I'm suffering from blogger's block. Anyone got a cure?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an uninspired Meow.

The News

2006-01-17T18:27:00.000+08:00

A few days ago someone special called to wish me a Happy New Year.

"You're a couple of weeks late," I told him coldly.

"Ya I know, sorry, been busy." He sounded truly apologetic. "What have you been up to?"

"Nothing much. Same old routine really."

"I see. Hey, want to have dinner?" The words came out in a rush.

I paused. I wanted to, but I knew I shouldn't, from past experience.

"Err..." I started.

"Doesn't have to be tonight," he said hurriedly. "Whenever you're free."

"I don't know ..."

A long pause.

"Kucing, I'm sorry about what happened before. I really am."

"Listen, I got to go, there's someone at the door," I lied, then hung up.

I didn't want to be sucked into his little world of lies and deceit again. To think I had been so easily manipulated before.

A few minutes later an SMS from him came through. "Forgive me please."

I thought about it for a few minutes, then replied, "OK." I would forgive him, but I wouldn't repeat my mistakes.

The phone rang almost immediately. It was him.

"Thanks for being so understanding. I really appreciate it!"

"Yeah, OK."

"Kucing, actually I called to tell you something. I wanted to tell you over dinner, but can't wait. And I wanted you to be the first to know."

"What?"

There was a slight pause before he spoke.

"I'm getting married."

" ... "

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a sombre Meow.

Help him to find the words

2006-01-16T10:53:00.000+08:00

I received an email from a young man recently, who's at a loss for words when it comes to revealing his love for someone special.

Here's a portion of his email:

"I have a friend that I care and love very much and I want to tell the whole world how much I care and love her but I cannot do so. I hope you can post my request to all the readers in your posting to help me to tell my fren how much I care and love her."

So come on boys and girls, let's help this guy out. What can he do to tell or show her he loves her? Post a comment or email me if you have some long winded instructions.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a caring Meow.

Blow him off

2006-01-12T11:14:00.000+08:00

Dear Kucing Gatal,

My boyfriend and I started sleeping together about a year ago. Everything was fine until about 6 months ago when he started forcing me to give him blowjobs. Whenever we're lying on the bed and we start doing anything, he pushes my head down and holds my head until I do what he wants. I don't like doing it (maybe once in a while) but I know he really likes it. I told him before that I don't wanna do it anymore but he just laughs and says OK then does the same thing over and over again. What should I do?

Pls help,
Anti-BJ

Kucing Gatal says:

Dear Anti-BJ,

Your boyfriend is being a total jerk. No one should force you to do what you're uncomfortable doing, especially someone who claims to love you. Sex is meant to be enjoyable for both parties. If you've already told him you don't like it, and he still insists on forcing you, then you need to reconsider having him as your boyfriend. He seems to put his physical pleasure before your comfort, and that's really not ideal boyfriend/husband material.

You need to be tougher with him - tell him off firmly once and for all. If he still wants his bjs, leave him.

If I were you, I'd bite down ... HARD. It would serve him right.

Hope this helps,
Kucing Gatal

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a biting Meow.

Racist video

2006-01-09T13:02:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure if this has been blogged about before, but I'm going to bring it up anyway.

Go to Google Video and type in "racist" (without the quotation marks) in the search box. Look at what comes out tops.

Nazri Aziz probably didn't expect to generate this kind of publicity for Malaysia with his stupid rantings.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an anti-stupid-politicians Meow.

Uncertain about marriage

2006-01-05T09:29:00.000+08:00

Dear Kucing Gatal,

I have a problem that I hope you can help me with. My boyfriend of 3 years proposed to me on New Year's Day and totally surprised me. We had talked about marriage before but he always seemed uncertain. So when the question came, it took me by surprise. But what was even more surprising was my response. I thought I'd be really happy and say Yes immediately, but for some reason I didn't feel elated.

I told him I needed to think about it, and the look on his face said it all. First he looked stunned, then disappointed. He left soon after and since then, whenever we meet or speak on the phone, he sounds distant. I don't know if I'm imagining it but I think he's really pissed off.

I really don't blame him because prior to this I had always been the one harping on marriage. I don't know why I reacted the way I did. But I have to be honest to myself, I think I was more interested in the prospect of marriage than being married to him. He's a great guy but there seems to be something lacking in our relationship. I don't want to lose him, but at the same time, I don't want to marry him until I'm absolutely sure.

Kucing, what should I do? Every time I think I want to tell him why I responded the way I did, no words come to mind - I have no idea what to say that can convey my feelings accurately without hurting him and making him leave me. Please help.

Yours sincerely,
KL Gal

Kucing Gatal says:

Dear KL Gal,

I truly sympathise - it's not easy being in your situation. You haven't told me what seems to be lacking in your relationship - is it excitement, or romance, or something else entirely?

I gather that your man has thought a lot about marriage and has made the decision that he wants you to be his partner for life, and so understandably, he is upset.

The only thing I can tell you is to be totally honest with him. I think you're right in waiting until you're absolutely sure, and so you have to tell him that. You also have to be open about your relationship with him, talk to him about what it is you want out of it, and what he can do to improve it. You should also be prepared for him to tell you how he feels and whether he wants you to change in some way.

There's really no easy way to solve this apart from communicating better with each other. Also, be totally honest with yourself - why is it that after three years, you're still not sure if you want to be with this man?

Talk to him, and let me know how it goes. Good luck!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a candid Meow.

Back with a bounce

2006-01-03T19:49:00.000+08:00

Hello all! I'm back and totally refreshed from my holiday, ready to face the new year with a positive outlook.

I hope you all had a great time these past couple of weeks. I received a few emails from troubled readers asking for advice and I shall post my responses up in the next couple of days or so - I need time to get back into my agony aunt role :)

During my holiday, my site got reviewed, and I've made some adjustments in view of the constructive criticism I received. For a start, this new blog template - I hadn't realised that the white font on black background was a pain to many - it looked fine on my PC until I asked a few people and they said it was a bit hard to read, perhaps due to their different resolutions.

I'm also doing away with my signature at the end of my posts - I gather you can all tell my mood from the post itself!

I've also gotten rid of the Google Ads as they weren't making me any richer. I'll stick to the old-fashioned way of making money - work till you drop.

Other than that, I'm still the same old Kucing Gatal :) My posts may be long but hey, I like being detailed as it adds so much more to the story being told.

I made a couple of resolutions this year- the first is to try and be more positive instead of moping about or grumbling about things that are within my control to change. The second is to eat more healthily - a lot more fruits and veggies this year! I've been bingeing on chocolates and fatty foods recently and it's time to give my poor body better nutrition.

Anyone made any weird resolutions this year? I wouldn't be surprised if many of you are making the same old resolutions you made 5 years ago - and still have no hope of keeping them.

If you can't keep it, don't make it, I say ;)

Goodbye 2005

2005-12-22T10:06:00.000+08:00

Well, boys and girls, the end of the year is almost upon us. How many of you actually stuck to the resolutions you made early this year? And how many will make the same old resolutions come 1 January 2006? Me, I've given up on making them as I can never keep them :)

I'm off on holiday until early next year and will probably not be blogging until I return.

In the meantime, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Be good and stay safe, everyone! If you must be naughty, don't overdo it :) See you all next year ...

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a farewell-to-2005 Meow.

Guest Blogger William Wilstroth's Xmas List

2005-12-22T09:56:00.000+08:00

Congratulations to William Wilstroth for winning my latest Guessing Game! As his reward, he gets to be a guest blogger here for a week.

Here's his first post:

With the Christmas season, I can't help but to wish for a few things for myself.

Here is my wish list for Christmas:
1. Increased pay with bonus
2. Increased annual holidays
3. Increased remuneration
4. Increased annual holidays
5. Bigger cubicle
6. Reduce car loan
7. Reduce petrol price
8. Reduce Amcorp's parking fee
9. Reduce Amcorp's food price
10. Increase food variety in Amcorp
11. Reduce my personal debt
12. Increase my facial hair so i can be like wolverine... right now, I am ok lar
13. Increase my height a bit
14. Reduce my weight to 64kg... so it will be ideal .. now i am 66... still ok lar
15. Upgrade my notebook
16. Upgrade my apartment to a bungalow
17. Upgrade my car to a ~~private jet~~ ... Nissan_shift's MURANO
18. Upgrade my orgasme from a few seconds to about 5 minutes. (I am greedy!)

That will be all for my Christmas wish list...

Merry Christmas to Kucing Gatal and all her readers.

- William Wilstroth

Craving the unattainable

2005-12-21T14:02:00.000+08:00

My lips yearn for his passionate kisses. My body craves his touch, his loving embrace. My fingers long to caress him, to feel every groove of his body. I want to kiss, lick, tease, torment him with pleasure. I want to possess him completely.

But I can't.

My mind is filled with visions of the unattainable, but I have to content myself with fleeting memories and sweet imaginings.

Life can be so difficult sometimes.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a longing Meow.

The boss's chair

2005-12-19T11:03:00.000+08:00

The boss was in bright and early. Everyone who was already at their desk pretended to look super busy and all avoided meeting his gaze. The poor sod who got caught looking at him would be greeted with a huge smile and an invitation to breakfast, during which time a very boring conversation revolving around work would take place. The boss would also seek affirmation that he was doing everything correctly and that everyone who disagreed with him was a total idiot. New employees, especially vapid airheads, would be very eager to join him for breakfast, thinking they had been singled out due to their excellent work performance or their good looks. They quickly learned otherwise.

This morning, the boss didn't look very happy. Eight pairs of eyes peered at him over the top of workstations, wondering what he would do. Sometimes he would rant and rave for no reason, sometimes he would read some joke email and burst out laughing. He really is quite unpredictable.

The boss sat down, then immediately sprang up again.

"Someone's messed with my chair!" he roared.

Eight pairs of eyes looked down quickly, eight pairs of hands started typing furiously.

I risked a glance. The boss was sitting in his chair again, pulling the lever to adjust the height. Up he went, and he squished around a bit, deciding he wasn't comfortable. Down he came, again squishing around trying to get comfy. Finally he stood up and stared at the chair, then stared at us.

"This is not my chair," he concluded.

He took a step towards us.

Eight pairs of eyes glanced at each other. Blogs and other non-work-related websites were quickly shut down. Spreadsheets sprang onto screens. Some frowned at their PCs, trying to look totally absorbed in their work.

The boss walked around, looking at each chair carefully. He eventually came to my cubicle and stood behind me. I swung around.

"Good morning," I said cheerily.

"Is that my chair?" he growled.

"No sir, it's mine."

"It looks like mine."

I got up, just to save us both a lengthy debate on chair ownership rights.

He sat down. Finally concluded it wasn't his, and went off to the next victim.

Ten minutes later we heard him grumbling and mumbling as he made his way back to his own chair after realising that nobody had switched chairs with him. Perhaps he realised that nobody wanted to sit on his ass imprint.

But he had to save face. So he squished around uncomfortably in his chair, while proclaiming that he would "teach the bastard who stole my chair a lesson!"

Eight pairs of eyes glanced at each other, twinkling.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an amused Meow.

Monday mystery

2005-12-19T07:05:00.000+08:00

It's Monday again. Which means most of us are stumbling into the office, wishing we were anywhere else but here. The weekend flew by in a blur and now it's time to get back to the daily grind of spreadsheets, ultra-boring reports and bitchy colleagues.

We all know how hard it is to get started once Sunday night is over. So here's a little something to perk you guys up and get those brain juices flowing.

It's another one of my Guessing Games, only this time it's a visual one. The first person to guess what this image is will win guest blogging rights for a week. Hey, I know it's not a million dollars but it's a great prize nonetheless. Anyone want to argue? *extends claws*

So come on, put on your thinking caps and start guessing. And please make your guesses as specific as possible, for example if you think it's a coconut tree, say 'coconut tree' instead of just 'tree'. The more specific, the better your chances of winning.

Rules:
(1) 1 guess per person
(2) Contest ends 11.59pm Tuesday, December 20 2005.
(3) In the event of a tie, the person who guessed correctly first will win.
(4) If there is no correct guess, I will choose the answer that most amuses me.
(5) Winner will submit all posts to me via email for me to put up. Try not to flood me with posts - as an indication, anything above 10 is pushing it. Topic can be anything under the sun as long as there's no foul language or too much sex/violence.

Clue: Male

I'll give out more clues as the day goes on, if no one is headed in the right direction. But I think it's pretty easy ;)

UPDATE - A couple of changes to the rules:
(1) 1 guess per person every 4 hours
(5) I reserve all editing rights to the posts (after all, standards must be upheld) ;)

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a mysterious Meow.

Dealing with a nasty little boy

2005-12-10T16:49:00.000+08:00

I was going through some of my old stuff the other day when I came across a photo album. The memory of how I got that album made me smile and realise how vindictive I had been as a child.

My neighbours had some children my age and I was always invited to their birthday parties. There was always good food and lots of games where you could win prizes. In retrospect, they were some pretty cheesy prizes but when you're a kid, everything looks novel and must be won at all costs.

At one particular party, I noticed this little kid, he had blond hair and blue eyes (my neighbours were foreigners and had a lot of expat friends) and I thought he was pretty cute. I was around 8 years old at that time and hadn't reached the boy-hating age yet.

"Hi," I said brightly to him.

He looked at me and quickly ran off with his friend. I heard him shouting "Girls are yucky!!" as he ran off.

How dare he ignore me, I thought. I was determined to teach him a lesson but didn't know how. Then I saw him looking at the prizes for the games. I snuck up behind him and heard him telling his friend that he wanted to win the photo album.

So of course I resolved to win it first.

The prizes were awarded on a first-come-first-served basis, meaning that whoever won the first game would have first choice, and so on.

The first game started. It was a game of musical chairs. I was so busy keeping an eye out on the little boy that I missed out on chances to win and was soon out. Luckily he was soon out too.

Then the next game started and this was the "statue" game, where we would all jump up and down and dance like robots being electrocuted until the music was turned off, at which point we all had to freeze in whatever pose we were in until the music started up again. Whoever was out could walk around making faces at the "statues", trying to make them laugh and move, thus kicking them out of the game too.

The little boy was soon out of the game. It was down to me and another finalist. The music stopped, I froze in an awkward position with my arms in the air and my legs far apart from each other. The losers quickly surrounded us and made the stupidest faces imaginable. I was just about to giggle when luckily the other kid giggled first and I won.

I was led to the prize section where I pretended to think carefully about the prize I wanted, then eagerly grabbed the album.

"Hey, I wanted that!" the little anti-girl kid said petulantly and stamped his foot.

"Now, now, she won fair and square and she gets to choose," one of the adults told him.

Hah! It was a victory I savoured and as I turned, I stuck my tongue out at him after making sure no adults were looking. It served him right for ignoring me.

I clutched the album triumphantly and turned to walk away. The little twerp decided to retaliate and kicked me. Yes, he actually kicked me in the shins! Then he stuck his tongue out at me before running away.

What a little monster! He obviously didn't have a way with the ladies and wasn't well-mannered enough to know that boys do not hit girls, even if provoked.

Every time I bumped into him after that, I would stick my tongue out at him or make faces at him and he would do the same. After a while we both got tired of it and ignored each other.

I don't remember if I ever saw him again after that. Maybe I've passed by him in the street, not recognising the man he's become, or maybe he's gone home to his own country, who knows. What I do know is that things were so easy in those days. If you didn't like someone you just showed it. As an adult, you learn to hide your feelings and smile serenely even at those you dislike.

If only things could be as simple as they once were ...

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a nostalgic Meow.

Marriage woes

2005-12-08T07:02:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine (M) is convinced she's married to the wrong man. She's been married for just over a year but the constant bickering and bouts of silence have dampened her resolve to make the marriage work.

Before she tied the knot, M was convinced that this was the right guy for her. She kept gushing about how happy she was and how she would try and be the best wife in the world because she was so in love.

I was genuinely happy for her and as good girlfriends do, helped her out with the wedding planning and preparations. A week before the wedding, she dropped a bombshell.

"Kucing, I met someone else," she told me casually as she double checked the list of guests.

"Excuse me?" She made it sound like she was talking about the weather.

"It's this guy from work. He's really sweet and all, and we're so attracted to each other. But he knows I'm getting married so we kept our feelings under wraps. Until yesterday."

I dreaded to probe further, but M decided it was time to pour out her heart. She put the list away and turned to face me.

"We went out to dinner yesterday and for some reason we both found it hard to look the other in the eye. I felt like a teenager with a gigantic crush. At the end, when he walked me to my car, his hand brushed against mine and I swear I felt sparks," she said.

I frowned, about to remind her that she was engaged.

"Ya, ya, I know it's totally wrong of me," she said quickly. "But I don't know, Kucing, this guy evokes such strong feelings in me. Feelings that don't surface when I'm with H (her fiance)".

We discussed it in further detail. Apparently this colleague of hers had just broken up with his girlfriend of 5 years. It was obvious to me that he was on the rebound and probably chose M as a safe "target" since she was unavailable.

M had a good head on her shoulders and knew that she had to stop things then and there before things got out of hand. She assured me that she would forget all about her colleague and focus on the wedding.

What I didn't know was that the colleague was a real devil. He was skilled in the art of manipulation and knew how to get under M's skin. An SMS here, a phone call there, some sweet words now and then, and he had M thinking twice.

The night before her wedding she called me. "I'm afraid I'm making a mistake," she wailed.

I assumed it was the normal jitters all brides-to-be went through. But M was convinced that marrying H would be a mistake. Long story short, she decided that she couldn't embarrass her family and call off the wedding at the last minute, so she decided to go through with it.

I warned her to think seriously about it and wanted her to be fair to H. But deep down, I think she truly loved H and was just experiencing some normal fears, and the colleague was just an excuse.

The wedding went off without a hitch. The bride and groom looked radiant, their faces beaming happily in every photo. Everyone remarked how they looked perfect together.

I noticed at one point that M was looking at someone so I turned and noticed a man looking back at her. Was that her colleague? When I got the opportunity, I asked her.

"Yes, that's him," she said.

"Why the hell did you invite him to your wedding? Are you bloody crazy?" I practically screamed.

"Calm down, Kucing, I'm getting married, aren't I? I'm doing the right thing," she said, then smiled sadly.

I let the matter drop. M was old enough to make her own decisions, whatever others may think of them. The day finally ended and M and H went off on their honeymoon.

Much later, when I met up with M again, she told me how the first few weeks were wedded bliss. Everything was rosy and promising, but then cracks started to appear. She started noticing little traits about H that she didn't like. I told her that all couples would go through that. "You never truly know a person until you marry them," I said.

"Ya, but Kucing ... what if I married the wrong guy?"

I was pissed off. "M, only YOU can know that for sure. And only you can make the marriage work. And remember how happy you were when H popped the question? You were so sure that H was the only guy for you!"

M told me she had kept in constant touch with that devil colleague of hers. I knew then that M had reserved a place in her heart for him.

"If you truly want your marriage to work, forget about that colleague of yours. Don't think about the what-ifs, and remind yourself about H's good traits," I advised her.

M knew this was the right thing to do, but her resolve was weak. She couldn't bring herself to cut the devil out of her life. Her marriage began to suffer and H spent more time at work just to avoid coming home to an argumentative wife.

I watched this happening and felt powerless. I wondered why M had gone through with the wedding in the first place if she wasn't sure of her feelings anymore. Surely a little embarrassment caused by calling it off would have saved her years of mental anguish stuck in a failing marriage, I thought. But then, I've not been in that situation so I wouldn't know. Maybe I would do the same thing, who knows?

I recently found out that the colleague has been posted overseas and my first reaction was "good riddance!". I thought M could finally get him out of her life and get on with saving her marriage.

M was really upset to hear he was leaving. She had never done anything physically with him, but had relied on him for emotional support. She actually cried when she heard the news. I hadn't realised that she had become so emotionally attached to the devil.

M now has a chance to focus on fixing whatever's wrong with her marriage, with the devil out of the picture. I don't know if they will keep in touch via email and phone but I really hope that she cuts him out of her life once and for all. H is a nice guy and though he may have his flaws, nobody's perfect. He really loves M and she just needs to ignore his shortcomings or communicate better with him.

That's what I believe, but then again I'm just a third party looking in - I don't know the full picture. To be fair to M, she IS a good wife. She looks after H well, keeps their house clean and is nice to his friends and family. Maybe H really drives her crazy with his flaws, maybe she has tried to change him but he refuses to, maybe he doesn't spend enough time with her or lavish enough attention on her.

Whatever the case may be, for both their sakes, I hope things do work out - they really do make a good couple.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a hopeful Meow.

From self-assured to simpering, just for a man

2005-12-05T05:59:00.000+08:00

I cannot stand simpering idiots, and by that I specifically mean girls who are in actual fact smart, but act stupid or manja around their boyfriends to get attention.

I know this girl, let's call her C. She has both beauty and brains, and can debate world economics with you just as easily as she can gush over how cute Orlando Bloom is in his latest movie.

C recently found herself a new man (A). He's not terribly good-looking but boy does he ooze charm. He can charm the pants off even the iciest maiden. He's left a string of broken hearts behind him, and really, I don't know what C sees in him but then again love is blind. He must have charmed her into falling for him.

Anyway, C told me that A prefers his women to be simple and fawning - well, not in those exact words but I kind of caught the gist. Basically he wants a woman who will agree with everything he says, laugh at all his jokes and let him make all the decisions.

I find it incredible that C still wants to be with A despite knowing this. She, who has a strong opinion on everything and isn't afraid to voice it, is willing to be a doormat just for him.

I suppose it has something to do with the fact that C has been single for a couple of years now after having her heart brutally broken by a real bastard. I shall spare you the details of her previous relationship but just know that he was physically abusive towards the end and she basically threw him out. She's the kind to stand up for herself and not take crap from anyone.

Still, for her to do an about turn and go out with someone seeking a bimbotic girlfriend is hard for me to digest.

I went out with both of them recently and noticed how C has changed. Whatever A said, she would share his opinion. She would giggle at every funny thing he said or did, and she would talk in that irritating manja manner. For example, "Sayang, bila nak pergi shopping dengan I, I boring lah duduk kat rumah," she would complain in a sing-song voice and pout. And he would respond in an equally nauseating manner. "Don't worry darling, this weekend kita pergi shopping ok? I nak beli komputer baru. Kita pergi Sg Wang Plaza ok?"

I know C hates that place, she finds it full of ah bengs and ah liens who like to talk loudly and push their way around if there's a crowd. And she hates crowds too.

The old C would have said, "Sg Wang Plaza??? Over my dead body! I hate that place. Let's go to Midvalley instead."

But the new C simply batted her eyelashes and said, "Oh, boleh, I pun ingin nak pergi sana, I nak beli jeans."

"I beli untuk you lah, darling. Anything you want, just tell me," he cooed back at her.

Gah! I cannot stand the simpering! When did C become such an annoying twit?

Maybe she doesn't want to lose A. Maybe he is a gem of a person. Hell, maybe he's great in bed. Always give the benefit of the doubt if you don't know the full story.

But for now, I will steer clear of C until her mind returns and she's back to her old self.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an anti-simpering Meow.

Tudung/Burqa: Women should have a choice

2005-12-02T07:12:00.000+08:00

Arabian women are beautiful. Arguably the most beautiful in the world, except for Aishwarya Rai of course.

They have flawless skin, beautiful big expressive eyes and sharp features, and are just a joy to look at. So it's a real pity that most of them hide behind veils.

If Arab women were allowed to participate in beauty contests, the rest of the world needn't bother sending in their contestants.

If only women made the rules in the world, not men ...

I wonder why the men have imprisoned women behind those thick black burqas. Who are they trying to protect the women from? Lecherous men? If that was the case, why are incidents of rape and adultery still occurring? It's men that are the perpetrators, these men are the ones who should be punished. Those who can't get a woman will rape young boys instead. So why aren't young boys put in burqas for their own protection as well?

You say that the Quran has stipulated that women's aurat should be covered. Well, that doesn't include the face and hands. Why cover them up entirely and reduce them to the status of objects?

Some cover up to protect themselves from dust and sand. OK, well and good. What about in good weather? What about when they are visiting a foreign country?

Women should be given the choice to clothe themselves as they see fit. They should be able to run their lives as they choose to, answering to nobody but the Almighty for their behaviour. Men are given that choice, and not all choose to live a noble life. Why take that choice away from women?

Yes, men are supposed to protect women. But do not imprison the women under the guise of providing that protection.

I get really frustrated when I hear about people forcing women to wear the tudung or the burqa. I hear that in public universities in Malaysia, girls are ostracised if they do not don the headscarf. Peer pressure is such that girls will succumb to it and cover up, but that doesn't mean they live a pious life.

On the contrary, some start to rebel. And at nights, off comes the tudung, on come the skimpy clothes, and off they go to the most happening nightclub to dance and drink the night away. Come morning, they are once again demure and modestly clad.

Compare this to a woman who doesn't wear a tudung, but prays five times a day and fulfills her duties and obligations. She doesn't have any vices and is a wonderful daughter, sister, wife and mother. Is she less of a Muslim just because she doesn't cover her hair?

My opinion is that no man, being a mortal, should pronounce judgment on a woman for living her life the way she wants to (criminal activities being an exception of course).

Only God has that right.

If Muslim women did not want to wear the burqa/tudung, fine. Let them be (like this woman). Conversely, if they wanted to wear it, let them wear it. Do not take away that right from them as has happened in this case and this case.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a stand-up-for-women's-rights Meow.

Swedish drama student learns that porn is NOT for kids

2005-12-02T06:31:00.000+08:00

I've just read that a Swedish drama student was fined for reading pornographic stories to a group of six-year-olds as part of a theatre project on children's sexuality.

A Stockholm court ruled the stories the man had read out were deeply pornographic and completely inappropriate for the age group. The two stories concerned homosexual and oral sex acts between eight-year-old boys and girls.

Apparently the children were filmed during the readings to study their facial expressions.

The man's lawyer told Swedish radio that he would appeal against the verdict as he had not meant the stories to be seen as pornographic and had not acted with intent.

Another report said that the reading was part of a project by a Stockholm drama school to study children and their sexual awareness and understanding about love and their own bodies.

I find this unbelievable. There's a BIG difference between teaching children to love their own bodies and reading out porn to them. This student couldn't have been so dumb as to not know the difference and to not realise the trouble he would be getting himself into.

For God's sake, these are young and innocent children! And you're reading them a story that involves sex? Those poor kids, their minds must be warped now.

What was he thinking?? He's lucky to be getting away with just a fine.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a disbelieving Meow.

Catching his attention the wrong way

2005-11-30T20:05:00.000+08:00

I was walking along minding my own business this afternoon when I spotted this somewhat cute guy parked next to my car. So I fished out my sunglasses, put them on to have a surreptitious look at him and checked him out. What a butt!

To top it off, he looked my way and I was sure that I caught a glimmer of a smile. I was just about to bestow him with a super sexy Kucing smile, when that thing that sometimes happens when I am trying to look cool in front of a cute guy happened.

I tripped.

It wasn't graceful. It was the type where your heel gets caught on something and the momentum causes you to stumble forward heavily and you try to correct yourself but overdo it and end up looking like a flailing octopus.

Totally embarrassed, I was glad I had the sunglasses on, at least it hid part of my face although I was sure the rest of it was beet red. I didn't dare look at Mr Cutie as I was sure he was laughing his cute ass off.

I reached my car and pressed the remote to unlock it.

Nothing.

*press*

Nothing.

*press press press!*

Nothing.

Damn it! Of all times for the stupid battery to die. I tried slamming it on my palm a couple of times but it didn't work.

So I had to kneel and bang the damn thing on the road a couple of times.

*press*

*teet teet* Thankfully it worked.

Now my face was red AND hot. So much for trying to look sexy and cool.

I got in the car and started the engine. Since I am somewhat thick-skinned, I stole a glance at the cutie to see if he was still looking my way.

He was. And he was smirking.

Hmph. I decided to salvage whatever was left of my dignity.

The plan was to reverse the car out smoothly and then shoot off down the road, leaving him staring open-mouthed at my superior driving skills.

I put the car in reverse and inched out.

*HONK! HONK!!!!!!*

I nearly had a heart attack, some impatient driver couldn't wait for me to reverse out and decided to let the whole neighbourhood know. OK, never mind, maybe the driver had to rush to the toilet because he had severe diarrhea. Always give these kind of people the benefit of the doubt, if only to stop yourself from boiling over and reacting angrily and giving in to road rage.

I checked behind me more carefully and reversed safely, then drove off smoothly as planned.

As I looked in the rearview mirror smugly, I saw Mr Cutie had already lost interest and was crossing the road.

Then I ran over an empty juice box someone had thoughtfully laid out on the road to ambush unsuspecting drivers like yours truly, and there was a loud POP like a mini explosion. I don't know if Mr Cutie ever turned back to look, because I just shot off out of there.

*sigh*

It just wasn't my day.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a mortified Meow.

The male species

2005-11-30T11:00:00.000+08:00

"Kucing," someone recently asked me, "Are you anti-male?"

"Of course not, what gave you that idea?" I asked.

"Just some of the things you write ... seems you have reason to hate men."

"Well I may dislike a few because of personal reasons, but that doesn't mean I hate all of them," I said.

"Ah."

Although many males may deserve the brickbats hurled at them by angry women, there are good men out there. They are getting harder and harder to find, but I do believe that some jantans are generally OK. Many women insist that "all men are bastards" - and this view is reinforced again and again through news reports and personal accounts - but on occasion, you hear about the man who never forgets his wife's birthday, is kind and thoughtful, does all the housework and pampers his wife, and your faith in mankind is somewhat restored.

Then you read a newspaper and hear about rapists and kidnappers and robbers and your opinion of men plummets again.

But really, I know that there are good, decent, husband-material men still available. I just don't know where, exactly.

I'd like to put on record that I am not a man-hater. I may sometimes get angry with them and generalise about how evil all men are, but hey, who doesn't? Men have a way of driving you insane, but then again, it works the other way around too. It's just the different ways men and women think which causes the friction.

I'd like to turn this into a feel-good post, so ladies (and men), if you know of a nice, decent fellow worthy of a mention, do leave a comment telling us all about him. Whether it's your brother, your lover, your ex-husband, your son, or your neighbour's aunty's plumber, let everyone who reads this blog, especially the single women on the prowl, know that there is hope after all ;) Prove once and for all that Malaysia has its share of good men!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a not-all-men-are-useless Meow.

Pregnancy jitters

2005-11-24T06:50:00.000+08:00

I read agony aunt columns whenever I come across them as I am curious to see what problems people are facing. There's one that keeps popping up every now and then - some young girl who fears she's pregnant due to unprotected sex.

Although many people will scoff at the girl's plight and say serves you right for having sex in the first place (in most cases the girl is unmarried or having an affair), I sometimes sympathise with them.

Because I once went through that same fear.

I had a one-week stand, which I usually don't do - I'm not really in favour of "hit-and-runs" - but I made an exception in this case. I'd known him for some time but the relationship turned sexual only after a few months. In fact, I use the term sexual loosely because really, there wasn't much sex at all.

He wined and dined me, and then tried to get me to go to bed with him. Initially I refused to go all the way because something in the back of my mind (with hindsight it was probably just plain old common sense) told me to be careful. But he kept persisting and eventually we ended up in bed. I had not planned to go all the way (especially since there were no condoms available) but this guy was smooth and before I knew it, it had happened. He was inside and I shrieked and kicked him off. He did not get in a huff and leave, as I had thought he would. Unexpectedly, he actually apologised and held me till we both fell asleep. I thought maybe it was an accident and he really was a decent fellow. Unfortunately this was a true blue jantan.

The next morning he showered and left. After that communication was sporadic at best. He would call whenever he was horny and wanted some company. We met up a couple more times but I never let it get that far again. And after a week I said enough was enough and brought the relationship back to the platonic level. We still talk occasionally but never bring up the "incident".

Anyway, my period, which was due a couple of weeks later, was late. I am very regular so this concerned me. Three days, five, then 10 passed without any sign of that monthly occurrence. I started to get worried and tried to remember if the guy had actually ejaculated. It hadn't seemed like it at that time, but then again, from reading all those agony aunt columns, I've learned that even the smallest amount can get you pregnant if the timing is right.

I started cursing him mentally. It hit me all of a sudden - if I was pregnant, how was I going to explain it to the world? Would the guy take responsibility? What if I had to go through it all alone? I was filled with all these thoughts and worries.

I scolded myself over and over again for being so careless. I confided in a close friend of mine who also scolded me over and over again. "Bodoh!" she kept repeating. After venting, she calmed down and we went to a pharmacy to buy a pregnancy kit. I bought the most expensive one I could find, needing to be absolutely sure that the results were correct. If it was positive, I would probably have a nervous breakdown, then find a good gynae. I hadn't decided anything beyond that.

I took the test and waited.

And prayed.

It turned out negative and I was so relieved that I actually cried. My period came 2 hours later, confirming my non-pregnant state.

And so now when I read about similar cases in the agony aunt columns, I can sympathise. However, I must say here that I do not condone sex with or between minors, so adik-adik, if you are below the age of 18 (in fact I'd say 21 to be on the safe side), do not engage in such behaviour. You're not ready to deal with the consequences!

And for the rest, please use a condom if you don't want accidents!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a relieved Meow.

Survey: Which race is best in bed?

2005-11-17T08:25:00.000+08:00

This kucing is conducting a fun survey on sexual prowess to reinforce/dispel racial stereotypes and you're all invited to participate.

Basically all you have to do is leave a comment telling me who you've had the most sexual fun with according to their race/nationality, i.e. Malay, Chinese, Indian, French, German, American, British, Australian, Canadian, African, Japanese, etc. If you've got a few memorable occasions with different races, rank them - the more the merrier!

A lot of men are of the opinion that Malay girls are great in bed as they're willing to experiment, while some swear by Indian chicks, and others say Chinese women will do anything you want as long as you reward them with material goods. I want to know how far this is true. Women, what's your point of view? Which kind of man is the best in bed?

Personal experiences welcome.

For me personally, I tend to gravitate towards Indian men. There's this one guy in my group of friends who has a really penetrating gaze and when he looks at me, I wish he would penetrate me literally. His gaze alone gets me wet especially when we're out in a group, and we're staring at each other from across the table. We've done some light petting but for some reason, some sort of unspoken agreement, we've never gone all the way. Maybe one day we will...

Another experience I had with another Indian man is also worth mentioning. This tall dark and handsome fellow (really!) had an office that he shared with a partner. One night we ended up there and one thing led to another. I was straddling him on his chair and we were getting it on. I was a bit uncomfortable because I kept imagining that his partner had a webcam installed somewhere, secretly capturing everything but this guy kept reassuring me. Anyway we then ended up on the carpeted floor and to cut a long story short, DNA testing can now implicate the both of us ;) It was a short-lived thing though, something we mutually agreed upon, as we had no interest in a long-term relationship with one another.

In cyberspace however, I find that American men are really good in turning you on. There was this one guy who had a sexy drawl, and combined with his remarkable way with words, it was an experience to remember. I've said before that cybersex doesn't do much for me but this guy was an exception, along with two other Americans who remained my Net sex partners for some time. Still, those days are long gone and I'm so much more into the real thing now.

But enough about me, I want to hear from you. So start working those fingers and share your opinion!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a stereotypical Meow.

Dummies Guide to Blog Wars

2005-11-15T09:25:00.000+08:00

I've been observing the ongoing blog war with interest. Famous bloggers (and not-so-famous yet) have jumped into the fray and escalated the issue to a ridiculous level.

A calm, rational approach would have put the issue to rest, but instead, the bloggers resorted to name-calling, outright condemnation and childish taunts. I must admit I don't know when or how it all got started, but really, it seems to have spread like wildfire. After all, it's fun watching a fight, especially one that escalates into a free-for-all, and knowing Malaysians' penchant for gawking from the sidelines, the growing number of commentators and observers is only natural.

Obviously some tensions have been simmering under the surface for some time, and all that was needed was a tiny spark (an offhand remark for example) to bring it all out into the open. And now the lines are drawn and some bloggers appear to be sworn enemies. The next PPS bash should be interesting ...

In the blogging world, you are bound to step on some toes. Not everyone will agree with your views, but there's no need to get your hackles up over this - just agree to disagree. And you're bound to come across some blogs that you loathe instantly, but there's no need to keep reading it and posting nasty comments. After all, if you go into a restaurant and hate the food and the service, I doubt you'll keep returning and bitch about the food each and every time - you'd probably just avoid the place once and for all.

For those simple-minded folk, let me share my opinion in terms you can understand:

Waffor you all want to fight-fight one? No use, you know. One feller say something, you condemn, then he condemn balik, then you condemn balik. Then you all look like chewren in a playground only, or politicians in Parlimen on a bad day. No need to get stressed out, simply cut your life short only. Some more you don't know if the blogger is your mummy or your char kway teow seller - one day you find out, then malu only (or worse, your char kway teow kena poison or your mummy marries you off to some ah pek pimp for revenge). So no point fighting, ok?

However, for those who insist on being juveniles, here are some guidelines for starting a blog war.

(1) Surf the net for famous Malaysian/Singaporean blogs. If you want to get noticed, leave comments on popular blogs. Being a troll/flamer on an unknown blog is a waste of time.

(2) Pick a topic close to your heart. For example, if you're passionate about saving the environment, and a famous blogger writes about chopping down an old tree in his backyard, quickly post a comment condemning him, his wife/girlfriend, his family, his entire neighbourhood and the government for good measure. Make sure you make sweeping generalisations about how he is stupid and ignorant and likely to be the cause of an environmental disaster.

(3) Check back to see if he/she has responded to your comment. If he/she has, then fire back with another nasty comment. If he/she hasn't, leave a comment about how cowardly they are.

(4) Condemn him/her in your own blog and then ping PPS so that more people will be aware about it. The more readers you have, the more chances of finding people who are willing to join in the fight and take your side.

(5) If anyone dares to leave a negative comment on your blog, condemn them too. Go to their blog and start flaming them there too. If you can, moderate your comments and remove the negative ones. This will give the impression that all your readers love you and agree with you.

(6) Keep hounding the issue until journalists start taking notice and request an interview. Hey presto! You're now a famous blogger.

(7) Blog about how your comments were completely misunderstood and how you were only trying to save the world, and how the fellow chopping down the tree over-reacted and was irrational - this will spark off Blog War #2.

(8) Repeat until satisfied.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a peaceful Meow.

Erotic vibes

2005-11-14T08:20:00.000+08:00

I was sick lately which meant I was in bed a lot, which in turn meant I was bored most of the time since I was alone. No man, no matter how horny, would want to get it on with a sniffly, red-nosed, teary, constantly-sneezing woman unless he was immune to all flu bugs and it was the only way he could get a shag. I know of no such man and even if I did, I wouldn't have the energy to get down and dirty while I'm feeling woozy and weak.

Anyway, I did have a couple of companions to while away the time when I was feeling better but not quite ready to leap up and face the world again. Mr TV and Ms Vibrator did a great job. Watching movies from your bed is nice; watching dirty movies and then turning on that buzzing little machine is even nicer.

While some guys have been unable to bring me to orgasm, Ms Vibrator has never let me down. Each and every single time without fail, it has done its duty effortlessly. Variable speeds are fantastic, you can basically control how fast you want to reach the big O. I personally like to start on fast, then slow it down to prolong the pleasure, and then speed it up again until I feel the build up and then it happens .... the spasms, the pleasure, the vaginal thrusts, the mighty orgasm. If I'm really horny, I'll repeat the process after a few minutes.

For the uninitiated, there are two types of vibrators - the external and the internal. I'm sure you can all imagine the difference between the two so I won't go into details. The one I have is the external one. I don't need an internal one because the external one does the job well enough, plus there's always fingers available, and if required, a willing penis or two (always just a phone call away). Also, the external one can be converted into a semi-internal one with the help of lubricants.

Then there's the issue of the G-spot. Personally, I don't know what the fuss is all about. Whether it's found or not, I'm able to pleasure myself to completion, and enjoy multiple orgasms. So the G-spot can carry on hiding as it pleases, I'm not really interested in finding it. There's this thing called the G-spot vibrator, but again, it will do me no extra favours. There's also the anal vibrator but rear play is not my thing.

I've tried introducing Ms Vibrator to my Pleasure Boys, but they usually squirm as it's ticklish for them. Besides, there are sex toys specifically designed for men that will do them far more good. However, some do enjoy watching me use Ms Vibrator on myself and I indulge them. It doesn't take long for them to get in on the action after that. So a win-win for all.

For those ladies who have never tried a vibrator, I suggest you do, especially if you have trouble reaching orgasm with your man. It can really add some spice to your sex life. And for those who don't have a man handy, it can relieve you during those moments of frustration ;)

If you don't know where to get a vibrator from, or are too shy to order from the internet or ask a friend who is holidaying overseas to get one for you, you can improvise - use a hand-held massager. It's not as good, but hey, it'll get the job done ;)

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a vibrating Meow.

Festive greetings

2005-11-04T09:00:00.000+08:00

A belated Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, everyone! Have a safe one :)

Go gorge yourselves on kuih-muih now, boys and girls.

And for those bitching about the term Deeparaya, go get a life ... and just so you know, religious zealots are unwelcome here.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a festive Meow.

Party people

2005-10-27T10:48:00.000+08:00

A few nights ago I was at a party and as usual indulged in my favourite pastime: people watching. There were the usual stereotypes - the popular group made up of cheerful, good-looking guys and girls dressed to kill and oozing with confidence; the slutty group made up of slim, sexy girls who couldn't afford to get enough material for a real dress and had to make do with little pieces of cloth wrapped around their boobs and hips; the boisterous drunks laughing louder and louder as the night progressed and the alcohol flowed freely; the cool group dressed in black huddled together, having a private, presumably intelligent, conversation; the socially awkward individuals who stood around here and there trying desperately to blend in and failing miserably; the people watchers like yours truly, mingling here and there and observing other partygoers during lulls in conversations.

It's amazing how much you can tell about a person from their behaviour at parties and realise how you've totally misjudged them. That girl you thought was quiet and nerdy, turning into a total party animal with the help of a couple of lethal cocktails; that guy you thought was an aloof jerk making a genuine effort to get to know you, the boss you thought was a no-nonsense strict guy being the life of the party and having a jolly good time, the girl you thought was your good friend busy flirting with the guy you've got your eye on (and you struggling not to claw her eyes out), etc.

My main observation that evening was that guys are way ahead of the girls in terms of confidence. Even the shortest, fattest, geekiest, most pockmarked guy would think he resembled Tom Cruise in some way and wouldn't hesitate to approach a girl if he thought he stood a chance.

Contrast this with the confidence factor in women (usually hovering around the zero mark). Even the most beautiful woman, dressed in the most stunning outfit, and looking more gorgeous than Aishwarya Rai, would occasionally be consumed with doubts about her own looks and attributes, and would wonder why men weren't approaching her.

Now this is something I've observed: men are attracted to confident women. Let's say two women are seated side by side - one is really pretty but is sitting with her arms folded and is looking down at the floor, at the walls, not meeting people's eyes. The other is so-so but she's smiling at everyone, holding a drink casually, making small talk with anyone who comes her way. Unless the guy is looking for a challenge, he is more likely to approach the second one.

Also, some guys naturally assume that the good looking one is high maintenance and would be a bitch. Of course, it doesn't stop them from trying to get into her pants.

One grouse that I have is that some guys use pretty women's plain-looking friends to get to know the pretty one. This is an underhanded tactic which makes the plain one feel attractive and loved for a while until they realise they are just being used. To those who favour this kind of tactic, karma's gonna bite you in the ass one day.

To those of you wondering what the point of this whole post is, there isn't one. I'm just listing out my general observations of human behaviour at a party. Feel free to add your own observations, comment about the stereotypes or agree with my assessment. Condemning my opinions or this post will shorten your life by about 2 whole days thanks to the hatred I will telepathically direct at you.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an observant Meow.

My weekend fantasy

2005-10-17T08:33:00.000+08:00

I was bored this weekend, which meant my mind was free to wander and think up nonsensical thoughts, the most interesting of which was "Malaysian celebrity I would most like to have an affair with".

I thought long and hard (but really, I don't know which of them are long and hard ;) and came to the following tragic conclusion: we have a dearth of yummy male celebrities in Malaysia. Oh sure, there's Hans Isaac, but you'll find more Jalaluddin Hassans and Mano Maniams on average than Alex Yoongs. And then you wonder why our women are falling in love with handsome Pakistanis instead. Mmm... Imran Khan .... mmmm. Another gorgeous Pakistani hunk here and a Bollywood hunkety hunk here - gets me wet everytime!

Of course, Jalaluddin Hassan fans will probably cry foul, screaming that their idol is "quite handsome what!" He's OK lah. But I wouldn't fantasise about him, you know what I mean? And forget local politicians, there are none that would even cross my mind. *Sigh* ... why can't we have politicians resembling Tony Blair?

And so I decided to launch an "Adopt a Celebrity" campaign for Malaysian girls and gay guys. All you have to do is pick your favourite hot male celebrity from anywhere around the world and persuade them to come live in Malaysia. Me, I'm picking James Marsden ...

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a swoony Meow.

Regrets

2005-10-13T17:39:00.000+08:00

Isn't it sad that so many of us go through life accumulating regrets along the way? Our inhibitions stop us from revealing our innermost thoughts and desires even when we so badly want to share them.

We're afraid of how the other person may react when we tell them that we've secretly loved them since the day we saw them. We're afraid of losing our jobs if we tell our boss to shove his paperwork where the sun don't shine. We put up with loud and rude passengers on the train rather than risk their wrath by speaking up and telling them to lower their voices. We back down when challenged or threatened, only coming up with witty retorts much too late, then we bitch and moan about what we should have done. And all these add up to the databank of regrets we carry around with us throughout life.

I wonder what life would be like if everyone was free to speak their mind, without fear of repercussions. Would you tell your neighbour that you fantasise about her while sniffing her panties that you stole from her clothesline? Would you tell your wife that her cooking is really bad and the only reason you've been raving about it is because you're afraid she would burst into tears and move out if you told her the truth? Would you tell your colleague that he's incredibly slow and stupid and should have been fired long ago except for the fact that he's the boss's son?

Would you tell your friend that you secretly have the hots for her husband and that's why you hardly meet up with her anymore, afraid that your feelings will show?

Would you tell your mother that the RM500 she thought was stolen was actually "borrowed" by you to pay off some debts?

Would you tell that significant other in your life that you cheated on them when you were angry with them and wanted to get back at them?

Would you tell your husband that you are still in love with your ex even after having been married for 2 years?

Me, I'd run to my boss and tell him how often I've longed to sneak under his table and give him the best bj of his life while he's chairing a meeting ... ok i'm kidding. I long to tell him that I want to kick his ass so hard he'll need to hitch a ride with a passing space shuttle to get home.

What would you do?

Some things are better left unsaid I guess, and so we continue plodding through life bearing the burden of our guilt and regrets ...

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a regrettable Meow.

Plink in Bolehland

2005-10-09T09:12:00.000+08:00

This post is dedicated to Plink as her reward for having won the Wordy Gurdy competition.

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Plink. She lived in a tiny faraway land known as Lionpore, ruled by a greedy monster known as the Gorman. The Gorman had nothing better to do than meddle in Lionporeans' lives, dictating what they should do and when they should do it. But Plink was happy. Food was plentiful, there was peace in the land and things ran smoothly.

Ever so often the Gorman would give a speech where it proclaimed Lionpore as the best land in the world and no other land could come close to it. It would then demand rewards for being a great leader and the Lionporeans would give it a portion of their wages. In time this system became automated and their wages were automatically deducted, and this became known as taxes. No one liked the system but no one dared complain because the Gorman was all powerful and could easily punish dissidents. The Lionporeans also quietly bore other issues like inflation, and would pay a lot of money for a small plate of fried noodles, because the Gorman assured them that Lionpore had the best food in the world and it was worth every Lionporean cent.

Plink grew up under the watchful eye of the Gorman. She played happily with her friends, safe and secure in her own little world. Plink liked nothing better than yakking for hours about nothing - this was known as sembang-sembang in Lionpore and many of its citizens were good at it; in fact some were so good at it they started puffing up with hot air, and some even floated away while still talking.

Then Plink started going to school, as the Gorman dictated, and had to wear a blue pinafore as a uniform. She didn't mind as blue was her favourite colour, but she wished that some of the other Lionporeans would shave their legs as they were an unpleasant hairy sight. But some Lionporeans refused to part with their hair, and said they had heard that females in other faraway places like Pizzaland didn't even shave their underarms, so why should they shave and put up with ingrown hair and stubble? Plink didn't agree with their logic, arguing that they were in Lionpore and it was the best place in the world and these unshaven heathens were bringing down the standard of the land. The other Lionporeans laughed at Plink, telling her not to believe everything the Gorman told her. Plink lashed out, defending her beloved Gorman, but the other Lionporeans only laughed harder. They told her there were other lands which were better, and many told her that just to the north lay an even more beautiful place known as Bolehland, where people were happy and free and frolic away while eating all day. Plink didn't believe them and stamped her foot angrily. "Lionpore is the best place in the world, Bolehland can never come close!" Then she ran off crying to Mrs Betty Yap, her favourite teacher, who consoled Plink.

"There, there, little one, what's got you so upset?" she asked Plink.

Plink told her about the other Lionporean's evil lies, expecting Mrs Betty Yap to cane each and every one of them for treason. But to her surprise, Mrs Betty Yap merely smiled and nodded. "It's true, I've been there and Bolehland is a truly magical place," she said gently. Plink couldn't believe her ears. Her beloved teacher was calmly sitting there telling her there was a better place than Lionpore. How could that be? All her life the Gorman had told her Lionpore was the greatest place in the world. She decided to confront the Gorman to find out the truth. But the Gorman was too busy to talk to Plink, it was implementing a new program where all Lionporeans who turned 18 would have to join the army. Above all else, the Gorman feared being invaded and losing its power, so it wanted to turn each and every Lionporean into a potential soldier, despite the fact that Lionpore was about as big as a mustard seed and not many other countries wanted it - and even if they did all they would have to do was sneeze on it and it would be theirs.

Disheartened, Plink decided to venture out and discover Bolehland for herself. But to leave Lionpore, she needed the Gorman's consent. No one was allowed to leave without the Gorman knowing. She needed a little book known as a passport and so she set about getting one. After a few days, her application was approved and she received her passport. She couldn't believe how ugly the Gorman had painted her picture in the passport, it was as if the Gorman was angry at people leaving Lionpore and would purposely draw the ugliest picture possible.

Nevertheless, Plink then set off for the border and was just about to cross it when a minion of the Gorman stopped her. "Are you 3/4 full? You can't go to Bolehland without being at least 3/4 full. If you're less than 3/4 full, please stop and eat now. The Gorman insists that you can't be hungry when leaving Lionpore.

"And remember, upon your return you will be searched, and if you bring back this nefarious item known as chewing gum, you will be caned!" he told her sternly. Plink had heard of chewing gum and how evil it was. It could stop doors from closing and could stick people to the ground, stopping them from going about their daily business. It could also set off nuclear bombs from remote locations and turn people into goats, which was why the Gorman had banned it. Plink was happy that the Gorman had the best interests of the people at heart, she certainly didn't want to be turned into a goat.

Plink then stepped gingerly across the border and was instantly in a whole new world. For one, there were many more people around and for another, they were of all colours and sizes and all seemed to live and work happily side by side. For another, people were speaking various languages, not just the two that Plink herself knew. Her ears picked up lots of aiyas, and aiyos, and alamaks and they all swirled around musically inside her head. She tried a dish known as nasi lemak and it was the best thing she had eaten in her life. She couldn't believe her eyes when she saw dogs and cats roaming freely along the roads, just waiting for people to come and claim as pets. In Lionpore, people could only get pets from petshops and had to pay a fortune for one. And here, free pets everywhere!

She was falling in love with Bolehland, but was curious as to who governed the country. While having lunch at a quaint little place under a tree, she heard people shouting, "Mamak, teh ais satu!" "Mamak, roti canai dua!" and Mamak this and Mamak that. She wondered if Mamak ruled Bolehland, and asked him. He laughed so hard his belly jiggled. "Little girl, I wish I did, but I only rule the stomachs of the people here. The real ruler is the Gorman," he told her.

Plink's jaw fell open. "The Gorman rules here as well?" she asked, incredulous.

"Why, yes, didn't you know? Where are you from?"

"Lionpore."

The mamak grimaced. "Ah, I know the place. Also run by another Gorman, a different one."

Plink blinked. She hadn't known there was more than one Gorman.

"What is this Gorman like?"

"Well, it tries to be good but it has a lot of issues to settle. It's not like your Gorman which is free to do as it pleases because Lionpore is so tiny. Our Gorman is too busy trying to integrate its different ethnic parts into itself to have time to meddle much with our lives," the mamak explained. "See, the Gorman here is made up of different body parts, mainly Malay, Chinese and Indian, and it is consistently working to ensure that each body part works well in sync with the others."

Plink digested this for a while. She was fascinated with Bolehland and wanted to live there but she also loved Lionpore despite the malicious Gorman. She was indecisive which annoyed her because her pet peeve was indecision.

After a lot of thought, Plink decided to live in Bolehland and see how things went. If she didn't like it, she could always return to Lionpore. Satisfied with her decision, she set off into the sunset, ready to start a new life ...

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a neighbourly meow.

Break

2005-09-29T13:10:00.000+08:00

No updates until next weekend, I've got to go away for a while.

I owe Plink a post, since s/he's the winner of the Wordy Gurdy competition. An I.O.U will have to suffice for now.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a gone-on-a-hiatus Meow.

Coming from behind

2005-09-25T19:48:00.000+08:00

My friend, the same one who shaved down there to heat things up with her man, called me up earlier today to share some news.

"Kucing!! I have finally done it!" she squealed.

"Done what?"

"You know... what I mentioned to you last time, what me and L have wanted to do for some time but I was too scared to," she said.

"Ha? Anal, you mean?" I asked.

"Ya!!! I tell you Kucing, sakit gila!" she said.

I winced from imagined pain. "So, did you enjoy it?" I asked.

"Not really, it hurt a lot but L seemed to really enjoy it."

"So... it will be a regular thing?"

"Maybe, I don't know. If the pain lessens, as it should do with practice and time," she said. I could hear the naughty smile in her voice.

"Anyway," she continued, "L was so turned on that we did it three times last night, once anal and then twice the normal way."

"Hmm, what gave you the courage to do it?"

"Err... we were watching some porn as usual and this time it was all about backdoor entry. I thought it was about time to experiment," she explained. "But we didn't do it right away ... plus I had some ... err... help," she said sheepishly.

"You mean ... drugs??" I practically shouted. She knew I was totally anti-drugs.

"No lah Kucing! Just some alcohol," she said.

"Ah... so you were drunk?"

"Kind of. But it didn't lessen the pain, it just gave me the courage to go ahead with it," she said.

"Was L drunk as well?"

"No. He said he wanted to be sober for the experience. He was so sweet, he even stayed the night and made me breakfast," she said, sighing.

"Good man. And I respect him for waiting for your go-ahead instead of forcing you to do something you didn't want to. He didn't force you, did he?" I asked, seeking confirmation.

"No, it was my idea. He's really good, Kucing. You know, he was so scared he'd injured me badly when I screamed that he immediately stopped, withdrew and held me, making soothing noises for about 20 minutes, even though I was still so turned on and waiting to go," she laughed.

We chatted for another 5 minutes, with her sharing even more intimate details. I won't go into the specifics except to say that she experienced both pleasure and pain at the same time.

I wonder what fascinates straight couples about anal sex. Me, I've personally never tried it, because I know it's going to be really painful and as I've said a couple of times before, Kucing Gatal is an enemy of pain. Plus there's enough pleasure to be derived from the normal positions ;)

How many of you out there have tried it? What was your experience like? And for those who haven't, are you curious and intend to experiment some day?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a Meow from behind.

And the winner of the Wordy Gurdy Competition is ....

2005-09-21T20:04:00.000+08:00

Plink, with this entry:
The cat was out of the bag. For six weeks, her nerves had been rubbed raw. Incessant calls from the press only made things worse. Her hands shook badly. The jagged remains of a wine glass bit into one. The other hovered ineffectually; it would not put her telephone down. She turned to leave, to go anywhere but her feet felt like clay. Her mouth suddenly felt dry.‘Kucing,’ she turned to her partner. ‘They know about us.’

Well done Plink, a marvellously written short story. Others who came close were S-Kay and Kaki Cucuk Langit, and it was tough choosing the champion.

I really enjoyed everyone's efforts and I'm not just paying lip service here, I am genuinely impressed. Good job, guys! I shall run another Wordy Gurdy contest in the near future ...

Plink, I will dedicate a post to you soon - to help me along, please provide the following details:

What you dislike
The name of your favourite school teacher
Favourite pastime
Favourite colour
What type of car you drive (or preferred public transport if you don't drive)
Your age

I'm so exhausted and it's only mid-week... work's piled up and no holiday in sight, resulting in one stressed out Kucing. Anyone got a quick free anti-stress cure?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a tired Meow.

Kucing Gatal's Guide to Kiasuism

2005-09-17T08:30:00.000+08:00

The kiasu culture has taken firm hold in KL and looks set to stay. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, I say. So here is my Guide to Kiasuism, designed to help you hone your kiasu skills and, who knows, maybe even become the most kiasu person in Malaysia - Champion Kiasu!

LRT
After buying your ticket, rush down the escalator as fast as possible and plant yourself directly on the yellow line on the platform. When the train arrives, inch forward, holding your elbows out to create more personal space around you. When the doors open, do not allow anyone to disembark before you get on. Push forward as hard as you can (if the train is full) and look for a seat. If you can't find one, head for the nearest pole and lean on it so no one else can hold on to it. If you manage to get a seat, close your eyes and pretend to sleep if you see some elderly/disabled people getting on board, so you don't have to give it up.

National level events
Attend all free public events held at the national level - e.g. Merdeka Day carnival. Come prepared with empty tupperwares. Stand as close to the food table as possible. When the food is served, fill up your plate with as much as you can. Don't worry about the line of people behind you, it's their fault for being so slow. Never mind if you can't finish the food, it's free what. Bring out your tupperwares and fill those up too. Eat as fast as you can, then head on to the dessert table and gorge on the delicacies. Make sure you don't leave even an inch of empty space in your tupperwares.

Bargains/freebies
Scour the newspapers from cover to cover for bargains and promotions. Buy only products that give you free gifts. If there is a limit on the amount you can buy (eg. two toilet roll packs per person), bring your whole family along so they can buy on your behalf. Bring your neighbours too if your family is small. Listen to the radio for locations of Hitz FM and Mix FM cruisers. Stalk them regularly to get freebies. If they start recognising you, wear a disguise.

Product promotions
Go to the mall every weekend. Look out for those promotion booths were you can get free samples or discount coupons. Harrass the salesgirls to give you more than the usual amount. If there is some show going on, push your way to the front row even if you don't know what the show is about. Enter every single contest you can find. Tired? Try out every massage chair available (walk into Osim, OTO, etc). Look interested when the salespeople try to sell you the chairs, then pretend to get a call on your mobile phone and walk out of the store, talking loudly. If you're hungry, go into supermarkets and try all the food samples available - free lunch or dinner for you.

Sales
Join every shopping loyalty program imaginable - Bonuslink, Jusco, Metrojaya, Isetan, etc, then wait for the catalogs to start arriving. Mark your calendars whenever there's a sale on specially for members and make sure you get up bright and early on that day. Aim to be the first to be standing outside the doors when the store opens. Rush in and start hunting for great bargains. Grab an armload of clothes and hog the dressing room for as long as you like - don't worry about the people waiting outside, again, it's their problem for being slow. Drag a friend into the dressing room and ask for his/her opinion for every outfit you try on, thus ensuring you are getting valuable advice when deciding to buy or not. Re-try the clothes several times until you're really happy, even if the queue outside gets longer. Make sure the clothes are of the highest quality - if a button is sewn on 2 degrees differently from the rest, discard that particular item and hunt for a perfect replacement. If you cannot find it, ask a salesgirl. If she says "No more stock", put on a ferocious frown, complain loudly then stalk away.

With shoes, don't be shy to ask the salesperson for several pairs at once. Even if it's really crowded and customers are waiting to be served, make sure you get all his/her attention until you get the pair you want. Once you lose your salesperson, you'll have to wait till he/she is free again - and if there are other kiasus like you, this could be a long wait. So you have to be the superior kiasu in this case and don't let him/her even think of serving others.

Jumping queue
Stuck in a long line and have no time to wait for your turn? Just cut queue. This works best when you're in an area where the queue isn't well defined. Most Malaysians will not tell you off since we're all brought up to be tolerant and kind (read: timid), at the most you'll hear some tsks and see some head shaking and some frowns. If you're unlucky, someone will shout loudly and tell you to get back in line. In this case, pretend you're deaf or smile politely at everyone, say "Sorry ah, my car is double parked and I don't want to get saman." In most cases you will get away with it. You must be very thick skinned to get away with this. If you are the type to blush easily, do not try this.

If you managed to get away with this kiasu behaviour, remember to smile at everyone as you leave after conducting your business. Do not gloat publicly at your little triumph and sneer at those still patiently waiting their turn, or you'll get some bad karma with all the hatred directed at you.

There are so many more ways to sharpen your kiasu skills but these are the most important (and also the only ones I can think of for now). There may be a part 2 to this when I get around to it ....

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a kiasufied Meow.

Wordy Gurdy Competition

2005-09-14T05:20:00.000+08:00

As I'm really busy this week, I don't have time to write a long, insightful post, although I do have quite a few ideas bouncing around in my head.

So for now, I'm launching another competition. A wordy gurdy competition.

Here are five random words: jagged, six, clay, telephone, cat. You must form a short story with these five words, and it must make sense (so a paragraph saying the jagged cat made six clay telephones will be disqualified). And the story must be no longer than 80 words.

The most creative story will win ... and the prize is ... an entire post dedicated to the winner! Marvellous, isn't it?

A few rules:
(1) All entries must be in English.
(2) Stories must be no longer than 80 words.
(3) Stories must make sense.
(4) No obscene scenarios allowed (eg. the cat screwed the clay telephone).
(5) Each person allowed to enter only once.
(6) No anonymous contributions allowed.
(7) Closing date for entries is Friday, September 16, 2005. Judging will take place over the weekend and the results will be posted early next week.

Time to get your creative juices flowing! Post your story in the comments box.

Pretty tough this time, eh? ;)

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a storytelling Meow.

It's all about Balls

2005-09-10T15:45:00.000+08:00

Men love balls. That's a fact. Put a ball in front of a man and he'll start kicking it, batting it, tapping it, dribbling it, anything just to get the ball moving.

Men also love watching other men playing with balls. Football, tennis, golf, cricket, as long as there are balls, men will watch it. Probably the only ball-less sport commanding equal attention is athletics. So now you know why events like swimming and gymnastics are not the real crowd pullers at the Olympics and other major games. Introduce a ball in those events and I bet you men will go crazy and snap up tickets in no time.

Whenever there's an EPL match on telly, the mamaks rejoice. They are guaranteed good business if they have a TV tuned in to the match. You'll see rows and rows of boys and men all facing one direction, as if they're worshipping the tv. All eyes glued to the tv, quietly watching until a goal is scored or nearly scored, and then a sudden roar as fans cheer or groan.

These guys have utter devotion for the game. If only they could show a fraction of that devotion to things that really matter, like shopping with their girlfriends/wives, or doing household chores. While they can watch a match in rapt attention for hours, they can't do the same when listening to their partners. They tune out after 5 minutes or so. Their shopping threshold is about an hour or so, after which they will start complaining about how their feet are aching and how they need to rest and get a drink. But they are willing to stand for hours and watch a football match live, if need be.

I wonder what would happen if a Taliban-style government is elected in Malaysia and television/football is banned, and the only 'sport' allowed is congkak. I think the mamaks would stage a revolt...

I think congkak should become an Olympic sport - it has balls after all (marbles are miniature balls what! And yes, I am on a mission to promote congkak at the world level - I'm calling it The Great Congkak Campaign). Malaysia would then be assured of a gold medal, at least until other nations learn to play the game ... and then we'll be trounced, just like what's happening with sepak takraw and badminton.

Can anyone tell me why men are so fascinated with balls?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a ball-loving Meow.

Embarrassing moments

2005-09-08T19:12:00.000+08:00

I've been embarrassed so many times in my life I've lost count. The time I realised the top buttons of my blouse had popped open and my bra was happily viewing the world, while the world was happily viewing my bra and trying to peek beyond it.

The time(s) I fell down in public. The time I was dressed casually for a party and everyone else was dressed to kill. The time I greeted someone familiarly only to find it was a case of mistaken identity.

The time I tried to look cool driving my car and it stalled. The time(s) I opened my mouth and said something remarkably stupid or insensitive. The time I professed my love to a guy only to have him reject me.

As I get older, I'm less easily embarrassed. I have started worrying less about people's perception of me and I no longer wonder if they're all secretly laughing at me. I'm more confident in crowds and even if I say something stupid, I won't cringe for days afterwards the way I used to. It must be the maturity and wisdom that comes with age. I know that there are far bigger problems to worry about and so, little issues like having an entire conversation with someone and later realising that I had a speck of food caught between my teeth will embarrass me for probably 5 seconds, then I've moved on with a shrug.

Inevitably there will be many more embarrassing moments in the future, but I am secure in the knowledge that I'll be able to deal with them much better. Sometimes when I have nothing better to do, I travel back in time and remember major embarrassing incidents, and they make me laugh. Back then I wanted to crawl in a hole and die, but now they make entertaining stories.

I'd like to hear about embarrassing incidents that have happened to you. Somehow, hearing about other people's follies makes one feel better. So go ahead, share your stories, and spread some cheer ;)

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a confident Meow.

The Pharmacy Incident

2005-09-04T13:10:00.000+08:00

Recently I walked into a pharmacy for feminine hygiene products. Oh all right, no need to skirt around a delicate issue. I bought some pads. Come on boys, say it out loud - PADS. They're a girl's best friend once a month, well at least the ultra thin types with wings. Or tampons if you prefer. I personally don't use tampons, I'm quite satisfied with pads and don't have to worry that something will get stuck up there contaminating my insides with my own blood. I know, quite kolot thinking ;)

So anyway, I saw that my favourite brand was on offer so I bought more than I usually do. It was quiet in the pharmacy, I was the only customer there and as I approached the counter, I saw that the lone cashier was a young guy. "Great," I thought. "Another young, easily embarrassed male who will probably cringe at the sight of all these packs and pick them up as if they're about to explode." I have come across many of these shy young boys who glance awkwardly at me when I place the products on the counter, wishing they were somewhere else at that very moment. I don't blame them. There's just something about these products that turn even the most macho man into a mouse.

I remember being sick one time, and asking my then-boyfriend to run down to the store and buy me some emergency supplies, and he flatly refused. "Anything else, Kucing, and I'll gladly do it ... but I'm not buying THAT," he said apologetically. So I had to drag my sick self out the door amd drive to the nearest shop, sniffling all the way and believing I was going to collapse from exhaustion, just to buy a small pack of pads. From then on I always made sure I have extra supplies just in case.

Anyway, back to the pharmacy. I had nothing else to buy so I just carried the three packs and dumped them on the counter, looking the guy in the eye. He looked down, then looked at me. I thought he would just smile shyly and ring up the purchase. I was wrong.

"Ooi, banyaknya," he grinned at me.

Hmm, not what I had expected. I decided to test his threshold for embarrassment.

"Ya lah, banyak darah," I grinned back, expecting his smile to disappear.

No such thing.

"Ya ke? Kesian ... sakit ke?" he asked, still grinning.

Damn it. Not only was this guy not embarrassed, he looked like he was enjoying the banter!

"Sikit-sikit adalah," I told him, wishing he would just shut up and complete the sale.

"Yang ni bagus ke?" he asked suddenly, holding up one of the packs.

HUH? What kind of a question is that coming from a guy?

"Boleh tahan lah, but sometimes it doesn't really give me that dry feeling," I said, switching to English and hoping the questions would stop.

"Oh. My girlfriend pakai tampon, dia kata selesa, tapi I tak tau lah betul ke tak. Kalau I, I guna yang ni. I tak nak sumbat tampon sini sana," he said. "You tak guna tampon ke?"

OK, enough was enough. This guy had turned the tables on me, and now I just wanted to get out of the store as fast as I could.

"Tak. Eh, cepat sikit dik, suami I tunggu kat luar," I lied, hoping he would just leave me alone.

He stared pointedly at my hand, the fingers devoid of any rings. Shit, he probably knew I was lying. But mercifully, he kept his mouth shut after that and scanned the packs. I paid and left hastily.

"Excuse me," he called after me. Dammit, what did he want now? I turned around, frowning, only to see him holding up the plastic bag. In my haste I had completely forgotten to take it with me.

I had to slink back into the store, get the plastic bag from him, mumble "Thanks" and slink out again. All the while he was still grinning at me.

Cis, bedebah betul! Jantan tak tau malu...

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a padded Meow.

The tides of change

2005-09-01T20:00:00.000+08:00

Then: Ali, Ah Kow, Muthu
Now: Adam, James, Steven

Then: Bata, Pallas, Bubble Gummers
Now: Vincci, Hush Puppies, Jimmy Choos

Then: Ais kacang, aiskrim potong, ice balls
Now: Cornetto, Haagen Daz, Baskin Robbins

Then: Warung ABC, Medan Selera, Gerai bawah pokok
Now: Starbucks, Gloria Jeans, Dome

Then: Kiki Lala, Kitikat, Anakku
Now: Baby Guess, Bebe's Home, Cape Cod

Then: Lee, Applemints, Ladylike
Now: Levis, Dockers, MNG

Then: Hopscotch, 5 stones, congkak
Now: Playstation, X-Box, Gameboy

Ah... such a simple life we led back then. Less choices, less materialism, less desire to keep up with the Joneses.

Malaysia, how you have changed ....

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a nostalgic Meow.

Tahniah kepada juara haiku!

2005-08-31T05:09:00.000+08:00

Tahniah diucapkan kepada pemenang pertandingan "Merdeka Haiku" - Hedonistics Anonymous!!

Tepukan gemuruh bagi si pemenang ... dan terima kasih kepada peserta-peserta yang lain dan juga para pengundi.

Selamat Hari Merdeka, sekalian!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an independent Meow.

Pet peeve: queue jumping

2005-08-29T17:32:00.000+08:00

I hate queue jumpers! Why can't Malaysians be patient and orderly? I especially hate those who try and barge their way in the minute the LRT doors open, just so they can lunge for the first available seat. Bloody kiasu idiots! Sometimes I wish they would fall underneath the train, that would serve them right.

I'm so pissed off cos it happens day in and day out. Although there are signs everywhere telling people where to wait and to give way to those disembarking, you find all sorts still rudely shoving their way through. All kinds of people - men and women in business suits, students, girls in tudungs, etc. On the surface they may look professional, but the minute the train arrives, the kiasuness takes hold and they step forward until their nose is practically touching the door.

Then the door opens and those trying to come out find themselves fighting against a wave of incoming passengers intent on hunting down empty seats. I really pity those unfortunate passengers who aren't able to get out because of these selfish idiots and have to get off at the next stop instead.

I wish the government would pass a law against queue jumpers and impose mandatory jail sentences for them. And if they try their queue cutting ways in jail, they'll get bashed up by hardened criminals until they're cured of this nasty habit.That would be sweet justice indeed. Malaysians better thank their lucky stars I'm not the PM ...

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an irate Meow.

Merdeka Haiku Contest Finalists Selected!

2005-08-28T16:30:00.000+08:00

Thanks to all who submitted their creative haikus for the Merdeka Haiku contest. Unfortunately some had to be disqualified for not sticking to the 17-syllable limit -BawangMerah & JustinKCYap, next time count properly :P

Some weren't really about Malaysia and so couldn't really qualify. And some did not stick to the one haiku per person rule, but since this is the first contest I will bend the rules a little and pick just one out of your multiple entries. But only this time!

I've picked the three finalists, and here they are in random order:

(1) On Merdeka Day
I run naked at Padang
Agong chasing me
- by Hedonistics Anonymous

(2) Always the mamak,
Where all the races gather,
Kin-oblivious.
- by Xaph

(3) Come sing AP Birthday,
On Merdeka Day,
Flag up and shout hooray!
- by S-kay

It wasn't easy picking these three, but after a lot of thought, I decided that these were reflective of life in Malaysia although really, the first one isn't. But it's quite funny (IMHO) so I included it. It's MY contest so there! To those who didn't make the finals, don't lose heart. I enjoyed reading all your haikus, and who knows, I might just run another haiku contest in the near future, so keep practising!

Now I'm leaving it to you guys to select the winning haiku. Please vote for your favourite and remember, one person, one vote, and no voting for your own haiku. To reduce the likelihood of cheating, anonymous votes will not be counted, so please include a nick and a link to your blog, or a valid email address when you vote.

You can vote from now until 11.59pm (Malaysian time, GMT+8) on Tuesday, 30 August 2005.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a 17-syllable Meow.

Merdeka Haiku Contest - Last call for entries!

2005-08-25T16:46:00.000+08:00

Only a few more hours till the deadline, submit your haiku now!

By the way I have to activate my anti-spam filter as I'm "enjoying" a sudden surge of blog spam. So when you submit your comment you'll have an extra step to complete. Nothing too complicated, so don't worry.

Short post today, super busy this week!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a death-to-spammers Meow.

Search and you shall find

2005-08-23T17:10:00.000+08:00

I like analysing the stats for my blog. I'm especially interested in the keywords people use to find my blog. The usual keywords include kucing and gatal (I am number 1 in the MSN Search results for the latter), but occasionally you get search requests like shaved men, slutty businesswomen, platonic friendship and blog lucah.

Last night, along with some quirky ones like "malaysia fake clothes" and "kaki sex", I found these two gems:
(1) How to be hygienically prepared for a lesbian sexual encounter
Some person from the USA used Google to search for this. I wonder whether my blog was of any help... I guess maybe the shaved post would be the closest thing.

(2) Bendover 7 porn
Someone from Belfast, Ireland searched for this using MSN. I was number 1 out of 888 results. I'm so proud ...

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a quirky Meow.

De Bastard: Finale

2005-08-21T13:55:00.000+08:00

I didn't get much sleep that night, or the next few nights. J called a few times, but he never mentioned DB and I didn't bring up the topic. I pretended that everything was normal.

I didn't hear from DB for 3 days. Finally I couldn't stand it any longer and SMSed him. "Hi, how are you ... wanna go for lunch?"

He didn't reply until about half an hour later. "Sorry, already got plans. Hope you're well."

I realised he was going to pretend nothing had happened between us. Had he just wanted to use me, and since I didn't sleep with him, he was mad at me? Or did he really care about me and J and didn't want to break up our relationship? Or was he just playing some mind game with me?

Fine, I thought. Two can play at this game. And so I ignored DB too although he was constantly in my thoughts and dreams. I decided that J was a far better man, and that I was much better off with him.

The day before J was due home, DB called. "Hi Kucing, how are you?" he asked cheerfully.

"Fine."

"I'm in the neighbourhood and wondered if you wanted to grab a coffee," he said.

I hated myself for being weak. I hated the fact that my heart was racing just at hearing his voice. I hated the fact that I said "Sure!" without even a second thought.

Half an hour later we were seated at one of my favourite cafes. The conversation was lighthearted. No mention of that night, no mention of our feelings for each other.

But I had to get it out of my system and so broached the topic tentatively. "Listen, about that night .... what's going to happen next?" I asked him.

DB was quiet for a while, and looked away. I wondered if he had even heard me.

"I think it's best we don't talk about it again. I respected your decision that night, and like I said, I don't want to come between you and J. Don't worry about my feelings, I will make sure nothing like that happens again," he finally said.

My mind was in turmoil. We had already crossed the line, and now DB was backing off? But he had specifically said he had feelings for me. How could he dismiss them just like that?

"Because he's a man ... and a buaya to boot," a little voice inside me said. Men aren't as complex as women. They don't experience a myriad of emotions over one incident the way we do. And now I was discovering DB's true colours.

"By the way, I have a date tonight," he mentioned casually.

I blinked. Concentrated on stirring my coffee. "That's nice," I finally said.

"Ya, I met her a few days ago at a nightclub. She's really hot," he grinned.

"Lucky you," I managed to say civilly. What I really wanted to do was pour my hot coffee down his pants and stalk off. "J's coming home tomorrow, I can't wait," I said.

"Gonna give him a sizzling welcome home, I bet," DB said, still grinning.

"Yep, of course, I always do," I said, avoiding his gaze.

Silence stretched between us. Finally I gulped down what was left of my coffee and told him it was time to go.

He dropped me straight back home, and I was alone with my thoughts once more. I could think of nothing else except how I had made a fool of myself with him, but thankful we hadn't gone beyond kissing. Finally all my pent-up emotions came rushing to the surface and I wept. Self-pity, self-loathing, hatred for DB, love for J, longing for DB, anger at my weakness, guilt for what I had done, it was all too much for me.

I cried until I had no tears left. Then I called M, and poured out the whole story. Instead of scolding me as I had expected, she was gentle and sympathetic. "See Kucing, I told you that feller is a buaya. The only thing you can do now is avoid him completely. And don't tell J anything," she advised.

"How can I not tell J? I don't want to be unfair to him. And if he's done something behind my back I'd want to know too," I argued.

"What good can come out of telling him? He'll dump you, Kucing. Is that what you want?"

"No," I said, and my voice started to quiver. I was about to burst into tears again. "I'll call you later," I told M hastily and hung up. Another wave of emotions washed over me, this time all involving J. Dear sweet J who had suspected something yet trusted me. Dear loving J who was steadfastly loyal to me and expected the same of me. Dear darling J who didn't deserve a person like me.

I decided to tell him the truth.

And I did, a couple of days later. He was justifiably upset and said he needed time to think things through. I won't go into the details, but a week later we broke up.

I understood why. J needed someone who was emotionally loyal to him - even if she had strayed physically but loved only him, he would have forgiven her. But in my case I had fallen for DB. It was this emotional attachment to DB that J couldn't handle. I wasn't as devastated as I'd thought I would be. In fact, J and I remain friends and occasionally meet up. He harbours no grudge against me, and is now engaged to a lovely lady.

As for DB, we seldom saw each other after that. Whenever we met, that familiar spark returned and I fell for him all over again. Each time I vowed not to meet him again, I ended up going against my better judgment and put myself through the cycle of emotional pain again.

One night we met in a nightclub. He was obviously intoxicated and was making out with a girl right next to me. Then he turned to me and asked me to dance. I said no. He started dancing with the girl instead. Finally they got tired and came back to our table. He sat right next to me and put his arm around me. "Kucing, don't be so proud, come dance with me," he slurred. "No," I repeated firmly. He decided that no meant yes and dragged me by the hand to a corner where he put his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder. "That's it Kucing, just dance with me for a little while," he whispered into my ear. Then he started nuzzling my ear. I pushed him away but he held me tighter. "C'mon Kucing, aren't you enjoying this?" he asked. "What's wrong, why are you pushing me away?"

"You KNOW damn well why," I said angrily. It was the last straw. I would not allow him to play with my emotions any longer. "I know," DB said, unexpectedly gently. His eyes softened as they looked into mine. "I'm sorry Kucing," he said.

I pushed him away and made my way back to the table. I started talking to another friend and ignored DB completely, who had gone back to making out with the girl. Anger coursed through me. Anger at my own stupidity for having fallen for a bastard who obviously never had any intention of being in a relationship. A player through and through.

Since that day, I've managed to look at DB as just an acquaintance and nothing more. I've accepted the fact that I made a mistake, and won't allow it to repeat itself. Throughout it all, M has been very supportive, putting up with my miserable moods and listening to me rant and rave about DB. I'm truly grateful to have a friend like her - she helped to put me back on the right path, and I vow not to stray from it again.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a wiser Meow.

Merdeka Haiku Contest

2005-08-20T09:45:00.000+08:00

How quickly the year has flown by, once again the spirit of Merdeka is in the air. Patriotism is well and truly alive ... well, at least for this month ;)

I want to do something to celebrate our independence day, involving the readers of this blog. I thought of another guessing game, but in the end decided to put your creativity to the test.

And so, I hereby launch The Merdeka Haiku Contest. All you have to do is submit (via Comments) an original patriotic haiku. It can be about anything, as long as it's about Malaysia - doesn't have to mention Merdeka specifically. So if you want to focus on how much you love cempedak, or how much you admire Rafidah Aziz, go for it.

The winner will be chosen in a partially-democratic way. I will choose 3 finalists, and then let the readers of the blog vote for the winner. No cheating! You cannot vote for yourself, and please don't create new/anonymous identities to submit multiple votes for yourself/your favourite. Please be fair to the others.

The rules are simple:
(1) All haikus must be in English.
(2) All haikus must be about Malaysia.
(3) You can only submit one haiku.
(4) Closing date for submissions is Thursday, 25 August 2005.
(5) Results are final and binding. No protests will be entertained.

If you're wondering what the prize is, well, there isn't one. But surely having your haiku win and be published on my blog is reward enough ;)

For those who don't know, a haiku is traditional Japanese poetry that contains 17 syllables. The most common version has 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second line and 5 in the last line.

Eg:

Flags flapping gently
Merdeka wind is blowing
Freedom is savoured
© http://kucinggatal.blogspot.com

Now, get cracking!

I've got the Jalur Gemilang song stuck in my head now! Jalur Gemilang, di bawah naunganmu... I don't know most of the words but I just like to hum along...

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a patriotic Meow.

De Bastard: Part 4

2005-08-19T11:25:00.000+08:00

If J suspected anything, he didn't mention it. He behaved exactly the same as before, loving and sweet. We went out a few times with M, and on a few occasions, De Bastard turned up as well.

It was a bit awkward for me, but J seemed to be at ease and got along well with him. M would shoot me some sharp looks every now and then if she caught me gazing at De Bastard. I would be holding J's hand, yet wonder what it would be like if I was holding DB's instead. DB would sometimes make statements that made me wince inwardly, like "J, you're so lucky to have Kucing" and "If I was with Kucing, I'd take her to ...." and so on. J didn't seem to mind and would even agree with DB. But as far as possible, I tried to keep them apart. I'd arrange meetings with M when I knew DB wouldn't be around. I was determined to maintain my relationship with J and not let DB conquer my heart.

I failed miserably, on both counts.

About a month later, J was sent overseas again for another 2 weeks. When we got to the airport, my heart nearly stopped when he turned to me and said, "Kucing, I'm not blind, I can see that you're attracted to DB."

I stared at him, lost for words.

"But it's only natural, he's a handsome devil after all," he smiled. I wondered how J could actually stand there and smile at me, knowing that his girl was attracted to someone else. "I also know that he's attracted to you, it's pretty obvious in the way he looks at you and talks about you," he said.

My heart soared at this. DB liked me? Really? I had never told him how I felt, but had always wondered if he felt the same way. A moment later I came crashing back down to earth.

J looked straight into my eyes. His smile had disappeared. "Kucing, I don't know just how much you like this guy. You know I love you to bits, and I don't want to live without you. But if you really want to be with DB, please let me know. Don't do anything behind my back. I won't be able to take it if I find out from someone else," he said.

How I loved this guy. How many men would be calm in a situation like this? I wanted to reassure him, to tell him I loved him and only him, and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but looking deep into his eyes, I couldn't say anything. Deep down inside, I knew it would be a lie. I sensed the hurt he felt by my silence, and hugged him tightly. "Have a good trip, J," I said weakly.

How had I fallen for DB so quickly? How had I been able to open my heart to two men? Could I give up my love for an almost perfect man, and choose to be with a bastard instead?

I had no answers to these questions.

Back home, I deleted all the SMSes from DB. I wanted to erase him from my life, but it was a futile attempt. A couple of hours later, he SMSed me, wanting to meet up. Without even thinking twice, I said OK.

We went for dinner, then caught a movie. It was a good movie, but I couldn't concentrate much as DB was sitting very close to me, his arm touching mine. Occasionally his knee would brush against mine. My whole body felt hot, and my mind was getting fuzzy. As the movie finally ended, DB stretched lazily and announced that he was hungry again. "Let's go for supper," he said. Eager to make the night stretch for as long as possible, I agreed.

We sat at the mamak's for the longest time. Long after our food and drinks were finished, we were still yakking it up. I was amazed at how much we had in common. We were laughing at something when a girl in a skimpy outfit walked past our table. DB's eyes darted towards her figure. I felt a sudden surge of jealousy and tried to dismiss it. But I couldn't shake off the feeling.

"You think she's hot?" I asked him, thankful that my voice wasn't quivering like my insides.

"Nah, she's ok," he said, bringing his attention back to me. "Actually I kind of like someone else anyway," he said, smiling at me. Zing zing zing, my heart went.

"Really? Anyone I know?" I asked casually.

"Oh ya, you know her very well."

"Hmm, is it M?"

"No."

"Err, I have no idea who it is. Tell me," I demanded.

"Can't you guess, Kucing?" he teased.

"I don't know lah ...."

DB was silent for a while.

"When the time is right, I'll tell you who it is," he said. The dimples flashed in and out as he smiled, his eyes twinkling.

Stupid jantan, I thought. Tormenting me like this. "Stop being perasan!" a voice inside me scolded. "He's got a lot of women after him, and besides, you know he's been hanging out with other girls lately!"

I changed the subject to something safer. We continued talking for another half an hour, then DB yawned. "Sorry Kucing, I'm a bit tired. Shall we go?" he asked.

I was feeling sleepy by then as it was very late. "OK," I said and got up.

"Eh, is this your grandfather's stall? You think the meal is free?" DB laughed.

I sat down again, embarrassed that I'd totally forgotten about the bill. A few minutes later, after DB had paid (dismissing my offer to pay), we walked to his car.

"Eh Kucing, I forgot to tell you. I finally got new furniture for my place. I even got new curtains and everything," DB said suddenly.

"Oh?"

"Ya, everything looks so much better now. Hey, why don't you come over and see? Maybe you can even suggest some more improvements," he said casually.

My mind started yo-yoing. I'd never been to DB's place before, and I knew it wasn't a good idea to go there alone, what more late at night. But another part of me was longing to be with him for as long as possible.

In the end, the foolish part of me won out.

As we stepped into his apartment, I looked around. It was very tastefully decorated. I suspected some ex-es of his had probably given him some of the stuff lying around, and possibly even decorated the place themselves.

"Very nice," I praised.

"Come see the sofa," he called out from the living room.

A cream coloured leather sofa took up most of the room. "Sit, sit," DB said, patting the seat next to his. "Comfortable or not?"

"Very," I said, as I sank into the chair.

DB got up. "Come see the kitchen," he said, and suddenly pulled me by my hand. I walked with him to the kitchen and looked around dutifully. "Very nice," I said, standing in the doorway.

DB was right behind me, I could feel his warm breath on my neck. I didn't dare turn around, and started babbling about how nice the cupboards were.

His hands rested on my shoulders. And without warning, he kissed the side of my neck.

My insides melted completely and my knees nearly buckled. I pulled away and turned to look at him. Wordlessly, he held my hand and brought me to the sofa where we sat side by side.

"Kucing, I think you know how I feel about you," he said earnestly. "But I also know that you're with J and that you guys are madly in love. He's a decent guy and I really don't want to come between the both of you."

He held my hand for the longest time, stroking it gently. The silence between us stretched into minutes. My throat had closed up and I couldn't say a word. He kept stroking my hand and gazing into my eyes. I looked down and admired his fingers, then intertwined his hand with mine.

"I like you a lot, Kucing, and I really wish I had met you before J did," he whispered. A part of my mind was screaming out at me, don't do this to J, get up and get out of there now! But my legs wouldn't obey. All I could do was sit there and look at DB.

He leaned towards me, and before I could register what was happening, he kissed me. Gently, softly, slowly. Pulling away, he said, "I've wanted to do that for ages." Then he kissed me gently again.

I kissed him back. We were lost in our own little world. Everything else had melted away.

"Stay the night," DB urged. That broke the spell. I pulled away and sat up straight. "I can't," I said.

"I don't want you to go, Kucing."

"I have to go. Can you please send me home now?"

DB looked dazed, then got up and picked up his car keys. "OK, let's go," he said.

I didn't look at him. Put on my shoes wordlessly, walked out of the apartment, walked to his car. Then my resolve weakened and I hugged him tightly. He kissed me again. "Don't go ..."

Something in me gave me the strength to do what was right. I let go of him and looked away. Giving up, he unlocked the doors and got in the car.

The silence in the car was heavy and tense. We both knew that we just wanted to be with each other, but knew it was wrong. Why is it that things are always sweeter and more exciting when they're forbidden?

We finally reached my place and I turned to say goodbye to him. No smile from him. He looked hurt. "DB, I really like you too, but I can't do this right now," I told him, wanting him to understand. He stroked my cheek, then leaned in and kissed me tenderly.

"I know," he said. "Have a good night."

"You too."

I got out of the car, and walked to my gate. Turned around to give him a wave but he was looking straight ahead, then he drove off.

I stood there for a while, trying to clear my senses, trying to come to terms with what had just happened.

I had crossed the line.

*****
Only one more part to go, I promise!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a soft Meow.

De Bastard: Part 3

2005-08-18T12:10:00.000+08:00

I should have been angry with De Bastard for flirting with me, but instead I was secretly thrilled that he was showering attention on me. I should have been angry since he knew I was in a stable relationship, but I couldn't bring myself to berate him. I should have dismissed his attentions, but I welcomed them instead. Stupid, stupid me.

De Bastard and I grew closer during the two weeks J was away. J called me every day as he had promised, and I still missed him terribly, but De Bastard had broken down my defenses and wormed his way into my heart. We met up every couple of days or so, sometimes without M. I was no longer immune to his charms, and even flirted with him whenever the opportunity arose.

At night, lying in bed, I would look at J's photo and be consumed with guilt. How quickly I had let De Bastard into my life, I thought. Here I was, madly in love with one guy, yet eager to be with another. Perhaps it was because J had been away so much lately, and I hadn't been getting the attention I craved, which was disastrous since I am an attention whore. But I chided myself for trying to blame J. I tried to blame De Bastard, but ultimately realised that there was no one else at fault except me. Although of course De Bastard was a bastard, there's no denying that. And he should have stayed away from me.

M suspected something was going on and confronted me. "Kucing, are you interested in De Bastard?" she asked bluntly. "No lah, of course not, how can you ask me that? By the way have you read today's papers? Did you read about that murder?" I babbled, eager to change the subject.

But M was having none of it. "I know you very well, and I know there's something going on. De Bastard told me that sometimes the two of you go out together. What's up, Kucing?"

I considered denying everything. But I knew M would continue suspecting something, so I decided to come clean. "OK, it's true. Whenever I meet De Bastard, something happens to me. I get quivery inside, and I like the way he flirts with me. But I swear nothing physical has happened," I told her.

"You stupid cow!" M shrieked. "How can you do this, Kucing?! I told you he is a buaya, you should stay away from him. I'm going to kill him," she ranted.

I winced. "M, don't tell him anything. He doesn't know how I feel, and besides, I'm with J, remember?"

"Of course I remember. Looks like you forgot!" she said. The words hit home hard. I knew she was right. I knew the best thing to do would be to avoid De Bastard completely. I knew I had to steel myself and do it.

But my heart was weak. It craved the attention. It craved the way other girls looked at me jealously as I walked around with De Bastard. It craved the way he would look at me from across the table and oh so casually brush his hand against mine as he passed me the menu, condiments, this and that.

When J called that night, and told me that he was thrilled to be flying home the next day, thrilled to be with me again, he sensed something was wrong. "Kucing, what's the matter? You sound depressed," he said.

"Nothing's wrong. I just miss you, that's all."

"Don't worry, sayang. Just a few more hours and we'll see each other again. Are you picking me up from the airport?"

"Of course!"

"OK. Well, get a good night's sleep. I'll be dreaming of us tonight," he said.

"Me too," I said, but to my ears, the words lacked sincerity. J didn't notice however. After he hung up, I lay awake for ages, my mind whirling. I loved J, I was sure of that. But, God forbid, had I fallen for De Bastard? Craving attention was one thing, falling for another man was totally different. And unacceptable.

That night, I dreamt of De Bastard. We were walking in a park, holding hands. It was a beautiful day, and I was happier than I'd been for a long time. Then a snake dropped out from a tree and coiled itself around me. I screamed and screamed but no sound came out of my mouth. De Bastard stood there laughing at me. I finally freed myself and ran out of the park, totally distressed. I couldn't remember any more of the dream when I woke up.

I turned on the radio and Gersang's Suratan Takdir was playing. How appropriate, I thought, as I heard the lyrics. "Tak terlintas di hati ini, untuk aku jatuh cinta lagi, tapi takdir yang menentukan...." "Tidak dapat ku terima, dua cinta di dalam hati, maafkanlah aku sayang..."*

De Bastard SMS-ed me a few minutes later. My heart leapt as I read it. "Good morning, rise and shine, I was just thinking of you. Wanna grab breakfast?"

Lousy good-for-nothing bastard, I thought grimly. I've already mentioned to you about 5 times that J comes home today and I have to get to the airport. "Going to airport to pick up J," I replied.

"Oh ya I forgot. Send him my regards ;)" he SMS-ed back.

I didn't bother replying. Instead, I got ready and drove to the airport. I had to stop my mind from thinking about De Bastard and focus on J completely. When I saw J pushing his trolley towards me, I was genuinely happy. Big smile on my face, big grin on his. Happy hugs followed by more smiles as we walked to the car. On the drive to J's home, my phone beeped. Another SMS.

J looked at my phone. "An SMS for you," he said, then proceeded to open and read the message - before De Bastard came into my life, we had nothing to hide from each other and freely allowed the other to read our SMSes. "Who's De Bastard? He wants to know whether I've arrived," J asked.

"Oh, he's just a friend," I replied casually. "I told him all about you."

"I see. Wow, so many messages from him," he said as he scrolled through the inbox.

"Ya, he has no life and he bugs both M and me all the while," I said, hoping he wouldn't read this morning's SMS.

J was quiet for a while. He was still reading, then he looked at me.

"I see you also sent him a lot of SMSes, huh," he said teasingly. My voice caught in my throat. I had no ready reply, so I just smiled.

"Anyway sayang, I got you a present. I'll show it to you later," he said. I was grateful for the change in subject, I didn't think I would be able to hide much if J had probed any further.

*****
The final part is still in progress, I hope to be able to complete it over the weekend. I've shortened the story a lot so that it won't turn out to be a novel ... plus I know you guys are impatient to know the end.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a short Meow.

* Loosely translated:
It never crossed my mind that I would fall in love again, but fate decides...
I can't accept two loves in my heart, forgive me, my love ...

Rancangan Tergendala ... and Guessing Game #2

2005-08-16T08:09:00.000+08:00

After completing the first two parts of the De Bastard story, I was all gung-ho about finishing it. But then life got in the way, with all its errands and appointments and whatnots, and suddenly I lost the plot. It's in my head but the words aren't flowing as well as they did before. I really need to do justice to this story otherwise the impact won't be there.

So I'm taking a short breather for now, and will work on the final part(s) today and tomorrow, and hopefully have it ready for your reading pleasure very soon.

In the meantime, I have another Guessing Game for you. This time the reward for the first correct answer is ... the opportunity to be a guest blogger on my blog for a day. Is that marvellous or what?

There is no skill involved in this one at all, just pure luck. Guess what the digits in my mobile number add up to (without the 01x prefix). To make it easier for you, the sum is between 10 and 50. The first person who guesses correctly wins.

Quickly, start guessing!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a mathematical Meow.

De Bastard: Part 2

2005-08-14T09:25:00.000+08:00

A week after De Bastard sent me the dinner SMS, J's boss sent him overseas for training at the company's headquarters. "I'll be gone for two weeks, and I'm going to miss you terribly," he said. "I'll miss you too," I replied. The little devil in my mind started thinking about the lovely presents I was going to get when he came home. J wasn't rich, but whenever he travelled, he would shop around for a present for me. None of those tacky tourist gifts, but something far more thoughtful and precious. Like little brass statues that he knew would go well with my decor, or small unique rugs that you can't find in Malaysia. Nothing extravagant, but it showed how much he cared about me.

I sent him to the airport and we hugged each other tightly. For some reason, I didn't feel comfortable with his going away. "Don't worry Kucing, I'll call you everyday, sayang," he reassured me. I watched his back as he went through immigration and beyond, willing him to have a safe journey. On the drive home, I started planning a welcome home celebration for him, just the both of us sharing our love for each other.

The beep of an SMS interrupted my thoughts. It was M, asking if I wanted to meet up that night since she knew J was going to be away. I wasn't in the mood to socialise, and besides, I wanted to wait for J's call (he would call my house number since it was cheaper than calling the mobile phone). I dialled her number to speak to her (community service message - don't SMS while driving, and always use a handsfree kit when making or receiving calls).

One ring, two rings, three rings... and then a male voice answered. "Hi Kucing, De Bastard here, how are you?" What the hell was De Bastard doing with M and why was he answering her phone?

"I'm fine, is M there?"

"Ya, I'll pass you to her in a sec. So you missing J already?" he asked in a teasing voice.

"Ya, you know how much I love him, of course I miss him already," I told him bluntly.

"So sweet! Anyway, you free or not to watch a movie tonight? M and I have nothing better to do so we're going to Midvalley, then we'll have dinner after that. Join us lah," he urged.

The words "No thanks" formulated in my mind. "I'll think about it," came out of my mouth instead. What?!? How dare my mouth disobey my mind!

"Don't tarik harga lah," De Bastard said. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Can you pass me to M please?" I asked loudly. The next moment, M came on the phone.

"Hi Kucing, so sorry, he just grabbed the phone from me. How are you? Back from the airport yet?" she babbled.

"No, still driving. Anyway M, I don't think I can make it tonight, I want to stay at home and wait for J to call."

"OK, no problem, if you change your mind let me know. Otherwise we can come over to your place and hang out there," she suggested.

I wondered when M and De Bastard had become joined at the hip. She never seemed to meet me without him in tow these days.

"Eh M," I couldn't resist asking. "You and De Bastard an item now, ke?"

"Eeee! Please lah Kucing! Of course not. He says it's safer to hang out with me, because if he's alone, he'll start with his buaya ways again. And apparently there's some woman who's out looking for him and he's hiding from her," she said. I could hear De Bastard laughing in the background, saying something inaudible.

Strangely, I felt slightly relieved that they weren't a couple, and put it down to the fact that De Bastard was a buaya and I didn't want him to hurt M.

"OK lah, M, I'll call you later," I said, and hung up.

M's suggestion to hang out at my place sounded like a good idea. At least I wouldn't be alone, and I would still be at home and able to take J's call.

I had errands to run and a few hours later, exhausted, I was lying on my bed when the phone rang. It was J. "Hi sayang, I just arrived at my hotel." It was good to hear his voice. "I didn't expect you to call so soon. How was the flight?" I asked.

The conversation lasted for about 5 minutes, then J said he wanted to rest as he was tired. "I'll call you again tomorrow," he said.

"OK, take care," I said.

I looked at the time. It was 6pm. I picked the phone up and called M. "J just called, so I'm free for the rest of the night," I told her.

"Great!" she shrieked. "I'll pick you up in about an hour."

I'll? I thought. What happened to "We"? "Where's De Bastard?" I asked casually. "Oh, he went home already. Said he'll meet me at Midvalley later. Probably wants to shave and look good so women can check him out. You know him," she said. I could practically hear her rolling her eyes.

"OK, see you in an hour," I told her.

A couple of hours later, the three of us were walking into the cinema. "I want to sit in the middle," De Bastard announced. "No, I want to sit next to Kucing," M insisted. In the end, I sat in the middle and held the popcorn. De Bastard leaned close to me and whispered, "Don't eat it all, Kucing! Otherwise my hands will have nothing else to do and may start roaming." I peered at the seat next to him. An old uncle was sitting there. "Good luck," I laughed.

"I didn't mean on that side," De Bastard whispered.

Zing! Something pierced my heart.

The strong scent of Cool Water muddled my senses. My face started feeling hot.

*****
I wanted to continue, but I've got an appointment to get to, so have to leave you with this cliffhanger. Part 3 to come soon!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a heated up Meow.

De Bastard: Part 1

2005-08-13T09:15:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you find that everything is going your way, your life is perfect, and nothing can ruin it ... and then you find that you're your own worst enemy.

At one time, I had this great man (J). He had neither looks nor wealth, but he was gentle, affectionate and loyal. Everything that a wise woman wants in a man, knowing that he is perfect husband material. He used to tell me often how much he loved me, how much he loved having me in his life. And I loved him back.

Then I met De Bastard. The kind that foolish women swoon over - great looks, real charmer, knows how to manipulate women. I disliked him instantly, which, in hindsight, probably spurred him on to try and win over my affections. Men like this have egos the size of a jumbo jet and always take it as a challenge when a woman doesn't fall in love with them at first sight. They wine her and dine her, and the minute her eyes go all googly and starry, they dump her.

I'm sure you all know men like De Bastard.

I was introduced to De Bastard by a mutual friend (M). M and I were having dinner one late evening (J wasn't with us because he was working late) when De Bastard called her, saying he was bored. M invited him to join us, then quickly filled me in on his background. "Real buaya," she warned.

He arrived about 20 minutes later, and I had my first look at the man who would ruin my love life. Tall, fair, freshly shaved, funky gelled hairstyle, bedroom eyes, a killer smile and dimples to boot. He smelled of Cool Water, which at that time was one of my favourite male scents until every Ah Beng in town decided to jump on the Davidoff bandwagon.

"Hello," he smiled politely at me. The introductions were made. Small talk ensued. I was immune to his looks and charm. My mind was concerned with other matters, specifically what time J was going to call me, and whether he would remember it was our 6 month anniversary the next day. De Bastard kept trying to draw me into the conversation but I just answered in monosyllables, more intent on finishing off my food and getting home. Finally he gave up and focused his attention on M.

"M, you know that girl in my office I was telling you about? The one who makes any excuse to stop by my cubicle? She resigned today. My fan club is gone," he said, laughing. I noticed the dimples flashing in and out. Hmm, quite cute, my heart said. Yes but he's a bastard, my brain said. True, my heart concurred.

More small talk, and finally we called it a night. J still hadn't called, and I was cursing his boss for driving him so hard. "It was nice to meet you, Kucing," De Bastard said as we got up, extending his arm for a handshake. My hand automatically shot out and clasped his. "Nice to meet you too," I responded. Lest you think otherwise, there was no chemistry, no spark of any kind. I went home and J called an hour later, apologising as he had been caught in a meeting. "I love you, sayang," he said. "See you tomorrow, sweet dreams."

That was typical J, no matter how stressed out he was in the office, he would always be calm and sweet when talking to me.

Time passed, and J started getting busier at work. He was working hard to get a promotion, and consequently we had less time to meet up. I hung out more often with M, and De Bastard started becoming a regular at our outings. I found out that he was a real buaya, and he had many conquests to boast about. "But now I've changed. I want to meet that special someone, it's time for me to settle down," he said, shooting a serious look at M and me. Ya right, my brain muttered, a leopard never changes his spots. Once a buaya, always a buaya.

Two weeks later, my phone beeped with an SMS. "Hi Kucing, wondering if u're free for a drink? I'm super bored ~ De Bastard," it read. Damn, M must have given him my phone number. It so happened at the time that I was bored as well, and had nothing to do, but wasn't interested in meeting him. "Sorry, I have some work to finish up," I lied in my SMS back to him. No response. Hah, I thought, typical bastardy behaviour. You don't get what you want, so you just merajuk or disappear.

I was wrong.

An hour later, another SMS came in. "Hi Kucing, still working? I'm still bored. Have you had dinner?" Alamak, I thought. Obviously this guy hasn't given up. I wondered where M was and why De Bastard didn't just go out with her. This time I didn't reply until half an hour later. "Ya still working. Already eaten."

His reply came in barely a minute later. "Awww, now I have no one to have dinner with. I'm starving. Never mind, have a good night." I felt a pang of conscience but dismissed it, knowing that this was how buayas operated. They manipulate you into feeling sorry for them - and once you start feeling even the slightest pity, you know that you're in for an emotional roller coaster ride.

*****

This is turning out to be an extra long story, so I shall write it in parts so as not to miss out any details. Part II to follow soon.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an anti-bastard Meow.

Marriage: Tips to regain that spark

2005-08-11T10:05:00.000+08:00

An email from a troubled reader:

Dear kucing gatal,
I've married to my husband for 4 years now. However, lately, I found that our love making is not as hot and steamy as before. Well, I would say that the lovemaking is not the best compared to my ex, but I loved him dearly, he has most of the charateristics you would look for as a husband, less the lovemaking part, lah..

So, the problem now is, everytime I'm with him, I have to imagine being with my ex so that I would be 'ready' for him..U know what I mean. And the orgasm? Well, as u might expect, i faked it, and I have this fear that I will never have an orgasm....EVER!

Please help, I love my husband so much, but how do I get the spark again?

-Desperate Housewife-

Kucing Gatal says:
Dear Desperate Housewife,

Congratulations on hooking yourself a great husband - good men are so hard to find these days. Make sure you hang on tightly to that jantan of yours ;)

Losing the spark after marriage is a common problem faced by spouses everywhere. This usually occurs once the physical attraction between two people have lessened somewhat, and this is normal when a couple have been living together for some time.

I note that you love your husband dearly, but are you still physically attracted to him? Has he changed in any way in the past 4 years? Did you always stick to the same lovemaking routine? There should be some underlying reason(s) for this problem, but since I lack the facts, I'll have to generalise.

I have no idea why you broke up with your ex, but the fact that you imagine being with him reveals that you don't hate him. Perhaps there are some subconscious reservations you have about not having married him instead? Many women imagine they are with some famous actor when they're making love, or some other famous personality. The fact that you specifically chose your ex could be an indication of some emotional baggage.

As for faking the orgasm, that's normal too, but I understand your need to have the real thing. Before your lovemaking grew stale, did you have orgasms? Or have you been faking for the past 4 years? Do you communicate with your husband in bed, i.e. show/tell him what you like? Even if it's non-verbal, this sort of communication works wonders in improving sex lives. Perhaps you're shy to tell your husband what turns you on, in which case I would advise you to get over the shyness because the only one losing out is you.

To put the zing back into your sex life, the first thing to do would be to break away from routine. Don't make love at the same time and in the same position each time. Find out when your libido is at its peak, and do it then. Try new positions. Enjoy weekend getaways or mini-vacations where you focus on each other and nothing else. Treat him to a new haircut or new clothes - something that will increase your attraction to him. Think of all the little things he does to keep you happy - this will increase romance which in turn leads to a better sex life. Watch adult movies together. Use sex toys if you can, this will help to enhance the overall experience. Increase foreplay - take the time to thoroughly explore each other.

There are tons of tips on how to make your love life sizzle, all easily available on the Internet. However, these tips alone will not remain effective over the long term if you do not communicate well with your husband. I cannot stress enough how important good communication is in a relationship.

If your husband is considerate, and I believe he is since you said he has all the good husband characteristics, he will listen and learn and apply new techniques to his lovemaking. After all, men like the feeling of being able to bring a woman to orgasm, make her toes curl, make her scream out his name in delight. So do both him and yourself a favour and tell/show him what turns you on!

Hope this helps,
Kucing Gatal

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a spiced up Meow.

Present-giving: A Dying Art

2005-08-10T12:03:00.000+08:00

Every year on my birthday I look forward to receiving presents from everyone I know. And every year the number of presents keeps dwindling. Where before I used to have friends and family buying me individual gifts, now I have a group of friends presenting me with one shared gift, and family can no longer be bothered to shop for me, so it's usually cash from them.

Where before there would be so much thought and love going into each purchase, now it's obvious that the purchase was hurriedly made and usually picked to suit the buyer's budget and not the birthday person's taste.

Where before I used to receive books, watches, perfumes, jewellery and CDs, now I receive candles and other totally useless items, and once in a while, an unwanted gift someone received on their own birthday. And each time, I have to react in the same way.

Friend: Guess what it is before opening it!
Me: Err ... (shakes box) .... a vase?
Friend: No lah! Quickly guess again!
Me: I have no idea. (Tears wrapping paper apart and opens box with a beaming smile)

Inside lies one of those sand sculpture things, you know, the coloured sand in a bottle that you can find in shopping centres nationwide?

Me: (Maintaining big fake smile) Oh it's bee-yoo-ti-ful! Thanks so much!!
Friend: I knew you'd like it!

I already have two of those. But hey, at least it wasn't yet another candle.

And then there are presents from guys. Men who are not interested in you are likely to get you gift vouchers, if they get you anything at all. Men who are interested in you will get you something that THEY like. For instance, G-strings.

I'll let it be known right now that I hate G-strings. They make you feel like you're having a permanent wedgie. But they are a necessary evil, since visible panty lines are a social disgrace these days. Some G-strings are more comfortable than others. Put it this way, the sexier they are, the more uncomfortable they are.

There was this one guy who bought me a G-string that was literally a string and some lace. And it was TINY. He must have had delusions of me having a teeny tiny waist because that thing looked like it wouldn't even fit a toddler. And he had the cheek to say, "I'll take you out to dinner tonight if you promise to wear that," followed by a lecherous wink. "Oh, I wish I could, but I already have dinner plans ... for the next three months," I said sweetly.

The next category of presents are the boyfriend gifts. Now, boyfriends are under a lot of pressure to get good gifts or end up with a merajuk/sulky girlfriend. I know one guy who bought his girlfriend a bookmark for her birthday, and then spent half a month's salary on flowers, chocolates and gifts to win back her affection. I'm not going to go into a debate on why girls behave like this, they just do. Just like guys are into sports and cars. (Generalising is so much fun.)

Hint to guys: Girls just want to be pampered and appreciated - a spa/massage treatment will always be welcome, and if you're broke and can't afford the real thing, do it yourself! Even if it's just a 15 minute foot massage, it's a lot better than buying her a useless RM50 gift, ok?

I like shopping for people. I like taking the time to browse and wonder if they would actually appreciate the gift before I buy it. I take the trouble to find out beforehand if there's anything specific they want, simply because I care about the person. Besides, it's their birthday and they deserve to feel special and happy on that day. It's just once a year after all.

The worst present I've ever received was this really ugly fake pearl necklace that looked like it belonged to Mimi of Drew Carey fame. And it was obvious that it had been a free gift from some other purchase because the brand name was on the clasp! If you can't afford anything, my dear, I don't care. Just wish me sincerely, have a good chat with me, have a teh tarik with me, it doesn't matter. Just don't go fobbing off your unwanted gifts on me. That's all I ask. Remember, your present speaks volumes about you.

Kucing Gatal wants to hear from you - what's the worst present you've ever received? And what's the worst present you've ever given someone?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a presentable Meow.

The Porn Identity

2005-08-09T08:45:00.000+08:00

I have blogger's block. Been thinking and thinking of what to write, and nothing remotely intelligent or interesting comes to mind. Which surely provides you with a clue as to the quality of my mind (depraved as it is, I can't even come up with a hamsap topic this morning).

Anyway, I went surfing around and found a name generator thingy. Naturally, I had to try it out. Lo and behold:

Your Porn Star Name is: Nasty Thong

What the ...??! Nasty Thong? Who comes up with these names? I was expecting some exotic name like Sizzling Susan or Busty Brenda. Nasty Thong just sounds like some rapper's ho.

Thoroughly dissatisfied, I tried another site. The results were much better.

My new pornstar name, boys and girls, is Barbie Hardcore.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal @ Barbie Hardcore signing out with a porntastic Meow.

If you're at work and can't access these sites because of the word "porn" in the URL, try this site. Hope that works for you.

I will not be responsible if you get fired.

Sex on the beach .....

2005-08-08T08:30:00.000+08:00

.... is messy and uncomfortable. If anyone tells you otherwise, ask them if they've done it, and if they were fully naked.

Because, I'm telling you, sand will get everywhere, in every single crevice. You may be lying on a mat, but that sand will still get you. And need I mention sand crabs? Can you imagine some of those little critters running over your body while you're trying to get jiggy with it? *shudder*

Anyway, this is not a lecture to tell you boys and girls not to get down and dirty on a beach. To each his own, after all. And many people just get horny with the danger factor thrown in - the more public the place, the more chances of you getting caught, the hornier you get. And the heightened excitement just leads to a better all-round experience ;)

I've been a bit adventurous in my lifetime, and have almost joined the mile-high club. Didn't get a chance to fully complete it cos those dang stewardesses just kept walking up and down. I think next time I'll fly to some little-known destination so the plane will be much emptier.

Apart from that, nothing out of the ordinary really, because Kucing is a coward sometimes and though the urge is great, the fear of getting caught is greater. The car, hotels, public toilets, the beach, all have been tested out. Haven't tried out more exciting venues like dressing rooms (especially those with curtains instead of a door - do you think any salesperson would have the guts to pull them open if they hear some suspicious moans?)

I remember once I was driving home late at night with a couple of drunk friends in the backseat and they just started making out like there was no tomorrow. Hello, please get a room. Or wait till I'm out of the car at least! I have no desire in hearing those kissy slurpy noises coming from people I know, in MY car, when I'm not involved! I would never do that, start making out with a third party watching, if the third party is someone known to me ;) After all, the third party may start passing comments on my technique and stuff. If it's a stranger, it's easier for me to fix him/her with a ferocious glare to shut them up. Acting bitchy to strangers is so easy. Acting bitchy to friends is much harder because they're likely to slap me and put me in my place.

But I digress. I want to know, what are the most exciting places you've ever done it in? And did you get caught? Was it enjoyable? Details please ;)

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a voyeuristic Meow.

Mudslinger and the Coconut Abuser

2005-08-04T11:15:00.000+08:00

Congratulations to Mudslinger for winning the first ever Guessing Game on my blog. As promised, here's an entire post dedicated to her.

Please note that this is a fictitious, tongue-in-cheek agony aunt column.

Dear Kucing Gatal,
Please help me. Last Saturday as I was doing my weekly shopping at the pasar malam, I passed by a gerai selling coconut water. As I looked at the coconuts, my mind suddenly conjured up images of Kenny Sia. I could think of nothing else but Kenny Sia. I was supposed to buy watermelons but I ended up buying two coconuts instead (the lady was puzzled why I wanted coconuts instead of the juice but she sold them to me anyway).

The coconuts are now lying on my kitchen counter where I stare at them every few minutes. Kenny Sia has taken over my mind, his face appears everywhere. I was watching Finding Neverland and drooling over Johnny Depp when I went to the kitchen to get a drink. On my way back I looked at the coconuts, then for some reason, I kept seeing Kenny Sia on screen instead of Johnny Depp.

I've tried everything to get over this craziness, even meditating while surrounded by the smell of freshly-cut grass, wearing my lucky blue underwear, but nothing is working. I tried to throw away the coconuts but my hands refuse to obey. Please help me, I am starting to go out of my mind with this coconut/Kenny Sia obsession!

Coconutilly yours,
Mudslinger

Kucing Gatal says:

Dear Mudslinger,
You are not alone. Kenny Sia-itis has swept across the nation, and is now the number 1 social problem in Malaysia. He is responsible for the sudden surge in domestic coconut sales, which is affecting our economy since there are now less coconuts for export.

There is also an increase in coconut abuse, which has led to the creation of the group known as "Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Coconuts" (SPCC) whose motto is: "Coconuts Have Feelings Too".

I sympathise with your plight. I'm sure you want to get on with your life, and be able to enjoy a glass or two of coconut water without feeling sudden lust for Kenny Sia.

My advice: take the two coconuts and stand in front of a mirror. Hold a coconut in each hand, then lift your arms up as high as possible, stare at yourself in the mirror and say, "Kenny Sia is a coconut abuser." Repeat 20 times, take a 1 minute break, then repeat a further 20 times. Do this every two hours. The mental and physical torture combined will soon cure you of this Kenny Sia addiction.

If this fails, I suggest you go to Penang during Thaipusam, and watch as the devotees smash coconuts on the ground. As each one splits open, repeat to yourself: "Coconuts are just a fruit ... Kenny Sia abuses coconuts."

This should do the trick.

Disclaimer: I will not be responsible if you develop a sudden affinity with coconuts and an intense hatred for Kenny Sia.

Hope this helps,
Kucing Gatal

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a coconutty Meow.

By the way I have nothing against Kenny Sia, I've just been wanting to write about his coconuts for some time now. ;)

Kucing Gatal's Guessing Game

2005-08-03T09:05:00.000+08:00

Once a year, a group of us will squeeze ourselves into a booth at our favourite cafe, and the following remarks will be passed:

"Eh, this one his eyebrows a bit cacat lah."

"Like this face also can get in meh??"

"Wow, look at this one, he's SO handsome!"

"Eeee, can see so clearly that this one is wearing lipstick!!"

"I know this guy!!!! He's my cousin's colleague. Baru divorce!"

"This one is so shaggable .... too bad so young."

"Why so many mat sallehs this year?"

"This one is not bad, huh?"

"Ha ha ha! Look at his nose!"

"Oh my God, I know this loser! How the heck did he get in?"

And so on and so forth.

Now, who can guess what event/thing I'm talking about? The first person to guess correctly will win .... (I thought really long and hard about this - can't be something tangible cos I'm a virtual cat) .... an entire post dedicated to them. Yup that's right, you win, and I dedicate a post to you. If you don't want this wonderful prize, you can still take part, and if you win, just forfeit the prize, or pass it on to someone else ;)

So put on your thinking caps, quickly guess!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a challenging Meow.

That weak-kneed sensation

2005-08-02T09:52:00.000+08:00

You know how sometimes when someone looks at you, your heartbeat quickens, you feel some electric tension and your insides start melting?

I had that sensation last night.

Had coffee with a male friend who's quite good looking, but we've never really flirted with each other or considered going out with one another, mainly because we don't really have much in common. But last night, as he stared into my eyes from across the table, I felt a spark. I quickly lowered my gaze and stared into my coffee cup instead, stirring the coffee endlessly. I started fidgeting, which is unlike me. Usually I can banter and debate with this guy, but I found myself tongue-tied for once, then I started babbling some rubbish, all the while looking down, as if I was talking to my coffee.

He seemed slightly amused. Those few times when I looked up at him, he glanced away, then gazed straight back into my eyes, a smile playing around his lips. There was a short moment of silence. I broke it by starting to babble about work. He kept staring. I kept stirring, babbling, fidgeting. What was wrong with me? Totally out of character, and my confidence had deserted me. Did he know my heart was thumping? Did he know I wanted to reach out, to hold his hands, to stroke his cheek, to kiss him? I was stunned at the depth of my sudden attraction to him. He seemed slightly different, more mature, more manly, as he sat there. I wondered what had changed. New cologne? No, he was wearing the same old CK fragrance. A new haircut? No, still the same old ruffled look.

"Kucing," he said suddenly, and the world came back into focus. I blinked away the fantasies of me and him getting it on in the cafe bathroom, and forced myself to look him in the eye. "I .... need to pee lah, I'll be right back!" he said, then quickly got up and headed for the gents. Hmmm, totally potong steam, but it gave me time to gather my thoughts. Had he been intending to say something else? There had been a slight pause after all. Was he feeling the same way I was? But this was my friend, for God's sake, and we were both interested in other people, though we were both still single. We talked about guys I liked, and girls he liked, and it had never crossed our minds to get together.

Had he slipped something into my coffee? Some love potion from some bomoh? Of course not, he wasn't interested in me. Such an absurd thought. Before I could come up with more theories for my sudden crush, he was back. "Sorry, too much coffee," he said, smiling at me. I had never really noticed the way the corners of his mouth turned up when he smiled. "Eh shuddup kucing, stop this nonsense!" my brain said. "His hands look so nice, wonder how they would look holding mine," my heart whispered.

"It's getting late, we should go," my mouth said. He looked surprised, then glanced at his watch. "So early?" he asked. I wanted to stay, to find out if he was going to tell me he suddenly found me irresistible, but my logical and stern side won out. There was nothing between us, I was probably in some loony romantic phase and he happened to be in the right place at the right time - my hormones obviously couldn't distinguish between friends and potential lovers. The best thing to do would be to leave before I said something stupid, and end up with my foot in my mouth.

As we walked to his car, I turned to him and said "Thank you for the coffee and your company." "The pleasure is all mine, kucing," he said. My heart started thumping again, he had never said that to me before, and there was just something in the way he looked at me. I wasn't imagining things. All kinds of things were racing through my mind, does he like me, is he flirting with me, he seems the same, why is he staring at me, why is his goddamn car so far away ...

Finally we reached his car and got in. The closeness of him only excited my thoughts further. When he shifted gear, would his hands accidentally brush mine? Was he going to take an extra long route home?

Nothing of that sort happened. He drove the exact same route to my place, he kept his hands to himself, and he kept up a light conversation during the short drive. Stupid men and their confusing ways, I cursed. How can he make me feel this way and not notice? When he pulled up outside the gate, he didn't park the car at the side of the road. He didn't even turn off the engine. He just looked at me, and I started babbling again. "Well, good night, thanks for the coffee, I enjoyed your company," I blurted out, smiling inanely at him. "Take care," he said. We both sensed the other had a lot more to say, but neither worked up the courage to say anything.

We looked at each other for a while, then hugged awkwardly - we always hug goodbye but this time it didn't feel as comfortable or friendly as usual. He patted my back. I wanted to nuzzle his neck and plant kisses all over his face. So close, his lips just a few inches away, my heart was urging me to make the first move.

Instead, I pulled away and got out of the car. "Bye," I waved, then quickly walked into my home, where I could be alone with my thoughts and develop a thousand and one regrets. "I should have asked him to come in .... I should have kissed him goodnight .... I should have waited longer at the cafe .... I should have stared back at him instead of looking away ..."

But sometimes, things are better left unsaid. What if I had totally misread him, and what if I had made a fool of myself? Better safe than sorry for now, I told myself.

Later that night, as I was dozing off, his SMS came through. "Goodnight Kucing, sweet dreams." I didn't reply, partly because I was annoyed that he was having this effect on me, and partly because I didn't want him to think I was awake and thinking of him. Besides, I hate it when men do this, they look like they're going to confess something, then pull back, leaving us women confused and wondering if he even feels anything for us. I wondered if he had felt any chemistry that night, I wondered if he had experienced that same melting sensation I felt as he looked at me.

I hate not knowing!

I'll be meeting him again in a few days' time, and by this time, I must get my hormones under control ....

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a wistful Meow.

English - Doing my bit

2005-07-29T17:08:00.000+08:00

Every generation loves to generalise about other generations. For example, Gen X-ers say that their generation is the best, and that Generation Y are all spoilt. Baby Boomers say that both X & Y generations are spoilt and don't know the value of money.

Generation Y say that the older generations are old-fashioned and stingy (the older generations describe these characteristics as conservative and money conscious - the latter undoubtedly a result of hardships suffered during the war and colonial periods).

One thing everyone seems to agree on however, is that the younger generation's English sucks. They all bemoan the fact that the "kids these days can't even string a proper sentence together." I do know of some teenagers and 20-somethings who speak and write perfect English but these are the exception rather than the norm.

There's no need to apportion blame here or highlight how important the language is, since the topic has been debated enough, even at the highest levels. What I want to say is that we bloggers can certainly do our bit to improve the level of English in the nation.

I have lapsed into Manglish all too often, since it's familiar to me and sometimes it just helps to get the message across better. However, from now on, I will try to blog at least once a week using proper English in my posts. More often than that, I can't guarantee, since lapsing into Manglish is like putting on your favourite underwear - you feel so comfortable in it that you wear it as often as you can. Hopefully other bloggers will follow suit. I know my English isn't perfect, so if I make mistakes, and you spot them, please let me know. I also want to improve :)

I remember watching ETV while I was growing up, especially the English lessons with Bing and Bong the clowns. "Learning English is lots of fun, it's so fun, for everyone", went the theme song, or something along those lines. I wonder why they discontinued it - pretty educational, in my opinion (although of course, back then there was no Astro or even TV3, so we didn't really have much choice!)

Ever notice how we allow youngsters to speak broken English to us and we never bother to correct them? Maybe it's because we think they may feel insulted if we point out their errors, or maybe we're just so used to it. Some kids actually ask me once in a while to correct their English, and I'm happy to help them whenever I can. But if they don't voice it out, I don't correct them. So, young ones, if you're really keen on improving your grasp of the language, don't be shy to ask. I'm sure people would be more than happy to guide you. Don't go and ask someone who speaks broken English too, that's like the half-blind leading the blind!

I think the standard of English in Western countries is also going down - too many times I've seen "there" instead of "their" and "it's" instead of "its" on various websites. Youngsters here will probably see such grammatical errors on the Internet and assume that the sentences are correct, since they don't know better. Very dangerous place, the Internet.

So I'm going to do my bit to try and arrest the decline of English in this country. Any other blogger with me?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a non-Manglish Meow.

A personal tragedy

2005-07-28T14:15:00.000+08:00

Kucing Gatal is horny .....

..... and my vibrator is spoilt ... ack!

*sighs and looks at fingers* "Guess you guys will have to do for now."

I suppose this is what it feels like when your computer stops working and you need to revert to a typewriter. Or when your printer breaks down and you have to resort to using pen and paper.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a hornius maximus Meow.

The Great Penis Mission

2005-07-27T10:20:00.000+08:00

Kucing Gatal is about to embark on a mission, following a discussion with a friend last night.

As usual, the discussion centred around our favourite topic - men. To be more precise, men's equipment.

"Eh, kucing, I heard that the size of men's feet correspond to the size of their batang. Betul ke ni?"
"I dunno lah, I also heard this before, but never really dwelled on it."
"You never checked ke, with all those ex-es of yours?"
"No lah, the last thing on my mind when I'm rolling around in ecstacy with them was their feet size. Anyway, when you're horizontal, can't really see or measure. Takkan I want to stop him and say wait ah, I want to check something, then measure!"
"I wonder if it's true lah ... if it is, I will only go out with guys with large feet."

I've heard of this size thing, but never really bothered checking it out. But now I'm curious, and want to conduct some research to prove/disprove this theory.

So Kucing Gatal is embarking on a mission:
Mission To Prove If Shoe Size Is a Reliable Indicator Of Penis Size.

Of course, I need your help.

Men, if you would be so kind, please tell me if your penis measures up to your feet (flaccid and erect sizes required for better results) Don't cheat ok! If I'm suspicious, I may want to verify it for myself :P

Women, if you could covertly (or openly if your jantan doesn't mind) measure his feet and penis, both flaccid and erect, this will help to balance out the results (because women are more honest).

If you're shy and don't want to display your size in the comments box, email me instead (kucing_gatal@hotmail.com). Confidentiality assured.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a measured Meow.

Kucing Gatal's Guide to Accepting Compliments Gracefully

2005-07-26T16:46:00.000+08:00

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

A: "Wow that is such a beautiful dress! Is it new?"
B: "What, you mean this old thing? I've had it for years and years. It's OK lah, I don't really like the colour."

A: "Your hair is looking really nice today."
B: "No lah, so many split ends, and it's so dry!"

A: "You did a really good job on that project!"
B: "Actually I didn't really do much, C helped me a lot."

A: "I think you're very intelligent and will be able to perform well on the job."
B: "No lah, I'm not so smart, mostly get by on luck only."

I'm sure many of us are familiar with such scenarios. When a simple thank you will suffice, most of us will react with some sort of denial or negative response. Many Malaysians can't accept compliments graciously, maybe for fear of being hit by the evil eye or just want to appear modest. Just like too much arrogance is bad, so is too much modesty.

Kucing Gatal has come up with a guide to help you accept compliments gracefully without appearing to be conceited or arrogant:

A: "Wow, that is such a beautiful dress! Is it new?"
B: "Thanks, I'm glad you like it. It's not new, I've had it for some time, but never really used it. By the way, I love that shade of lipstick you're wearing, what's that colour called?"
This is the "Buy 1, Get 1 Free" concept, where you receive a compliment and give one back in return.

Of course, please note that your response should be adjusted to suit the complimentor, so if it's a man, don't blindly follow my lipstick example, ok? And make sure your compliment will not insult him (for example, if he's bald, don't say, "Wow your head is very shiny today, can see the ceiling reflected in it!").

A: "Your hair is looking really nice today."
B: "Thanks! I've been trying out a new shampoo and it seems to work!"
This is the "show some modesty" concept, where you attribute the compliment to a product/third party.

Whatever you do, do not respond with a "Why, other days not nice issit?" kind of sentence, it's abrasive and the complimentor will be taken aback. Women seem to love giving this type of responses, especially to their boyfriends/husbands. Eventually you'll find that the compliment fountain will dry up and your bf/husband will no longer give them out.

A: "You did a really good job on that project!"
B: "Thank you. C helped me out at the beginning, and once I learned the technique, it was easy for me to follow through."
This is the "give credit but save some for yourself" concept, where you are giving C some credit while highlighting your quick learning skills at the same time.

Do not give all credit to a third party, especially if you're on the lookout for a promotion/raise, unless you want the third party to rise in ranks faster than you.

A: "I think you're very intelligent and will be able to perform well on the job."
B: "Thank you, I'm glad you have faith in me. I hope to be able to live up to your expectations."
This is the "positive reinforcement" concept, where you are acknowledging the truth of the compliment in a positive but not arrogant manner.

Do not give a smart aleck or arrogant answer like, "Ya I am damn smart one" or "Of course I'm intelligent, I have an IQ of 240!", or you'll be labelled as a lan si/aksyen person in no time. Remember, no one likes a boaster.

I hope my guide will help you to be gracious in accepting compliments. Remember also to give as many as you can, for people love receiving compliments, but make sure each compliment is sincere. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!

A note to guys, please make sure your compliments are in good taste. Don't say things like, "Your boobs look so yummy today," and expect a smile in return. Most likely you'll end up nursing a black eye or two.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a complimentary Meow.

So much for racial integration

2005-07-24T11:10:00.000+08:00

Watching the local news these days infuriates me. Everything is being focused on one race, which some call the "superior race". Have they forgotten that Malaysia is multi-racial, created through the blood, sweat and tears of Malays, Chinese, Indians and other races? Have they forgotten that the other races pay equal amount of taxes, work just as hard if not harder, contribute just as much, if not more, to the development of our homeland?

Is it fair that other races pay more for land and houses, yet the best housing units in many housing areas are reserved for bumiputras? Is it fair that bumiputra students are assured of scholarships while other races have to rely on the goodwill of politicians to allocate them scholarships, even if they've outshone their bumiputra peers? Is it fair to the other races that bumiputra quotas that have been in place for years and years to give Malays a headstart, remain in place because the corrupt few have ensured that many Malays still lag behind?

No, it is not fair. It creates resentment. And one day this resentment, which has been simmering under the surface for so long, will boil over. And then chaos shall reign.

Instead of promoting racial integration, you, Mr Politician, are helping to destroy it.

This Kucing is appalled at the insensitivities shown by our so-called learned politicians. They jump up and down when anyone says something remotely offensive about bumiputras/Malays/UMNO, yet they openly degrade other races by focusing only on the betterment of the Malays with complete disregard for the improvement and advancement of other races. This despite the fact that the other races were also born here, grew up here, contributed to the economy here and will probably die here. And then these politicians cry foul if anyone fails to fly the flag proudly on 31 August, 1957, claiming that they're unpatriotic.

Do you expect otherwise, my dear blinkered politicians?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a dispirited Meow.

Dealing with a nosy neighbour

2005-07-23T10:25:00.000+08:00

An email from another troubled reader:

Dear Kucing Gatal,
I have a very busybody neighbour, she likes to make it her business to know about my business, then will carry tales to my mother. She likes to peep out her window to see what I'm doing and who I'm with, especially if I arrive home late at night. I've been very tolerant of her, and polite to her face, but I feel like killing her each time I hear my mother say, "Mrs C told me that some boy drove you home yesterday, who was it?" Mrs C knows my friends by sight, so whenever she sees some new male, she quickly tells my mother. How can I tell her to back off and mind her own business?

Signed,
Fed Up

Kucing Gatal says:

Dear Fed Up,
Some neighbours do take it upon themselves to be your self-appointed guardian. I don't know why this is so, but it seems to be more prevalent among the older generation, perhaps due to their caring nature (which some would interpret as being a bloody busybody). I myself have neighbours who probably wouldn't give a hoot if you were being attacked by a mob and screaming for help. They live in their own world and we've never exchanged more than a hello and a wave. I do remember, however, that in my old neighbourhood where I grew up, my neighbours would become family friends, popping over to our place regularly and vice versa. I guess communities were more close-knit back then; these days, the younger generation seem to prefer keeping their distance.

Therefore, I assume that Mrs C is from an older generation, and finds it perfectly acceptable to spy on your activities and inform your mother about it. She probably means no harm and is genuinely concerned about you. I doubt she is doing it with malice. However, I understand your irritation with her. No one likes a peeping tom, much less one that carries tales.

In this situation, you'll have to get the support of your mother. I think Mrs C assumes that your mother is ignorant of your activities and takes it upon herself to "educate" her. The best thing for you to do is to be honest with your mother, tell her everything about your social life (except of course the most important bits like who you're currently sleeping with and what your favourite sexual position with him/her is). And tell your mother how much you dislike Mrs C talking about you behind your back. If your mum is supportive, she will take your side and the next time Mrs C opens her mouth, she'll be able to say, "Oh yes, I already know. My daughter told me it's one of her friends," without divulging any more info. Once Mrs C finds that your mum is no longer receptive to information from her, she will probably find something more constructive to do with her time, or choose another neighbour to peep on.

In any case, she'll finally be out of your hair and you'll be free to return at whatever time you like with whomever you fancy.

Word of caution though, from a caring Kucing: be careful when arriving home late at night, or who you get lifts from - even friends can't be trusted these days.

Hope this helps,
Kucing Gatal

P/S If your mum takes Mrs C's side, then it's probably an issue of trust, and much more complicated than a simple nosy neighbour issue. Do let me know if this is the case, and I will tweak my advice accordingly.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a neighbourly Meow.

Shop till I drop

2005-07-22T11:53:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow the mega sale carnival starts. I can hardly wait. Been scouting around for items that I want, and holding off from buying them so that I can get them cheaper. That's the hope; too many times I've waited patiently for the sale to start, then I can't find that particular item. Seems that all the old, ugly and surplus stock will be brought out during sales periods and it's hard to find the nice new stuff that you really want.

I'm also dreading the queues to the dressing rooms during the sales. I can grow and harvest padi while waiting to try on the one and only blouse that I want. But what to do, to save 40%, one must be patient - my shopping mantra.

From tomorrow onwards, I'll have to fight with hordes of other kiasu shoppers to get the items before they're all snapped up. I notice that the women shoppers can get particularly aggressive in the lingerie department. I've been to warehouse sales where all these aunties are ruthlessly pushing and shoving to get the bras and panties they want. And not just the old-fashioned types of underwear, some of these aunties are actually grabbing several pairs of g-strings at one go!

I used to be polite and stand back, only to find, when I finally get to the front, that all the best items are gone. So now, Kucing Gatal is sharpening her claws. No more Ms Nice Girl!

Let the shopping begin!

Speaking with a fake accent

2005-07-21T18:10:00.000+08:00

I had a meeting with a unique customer today. As she entered the office, the smell of perfume was nearly overpowering. She swished her long blond-dyed hair over her shoulders as she came up to me, and shook my hand firmly while introducing herself. I took a quick glance at her apparel - tight white shirt with the top two buttons unbuttoned, offering a clear view of her ample cleavage, and a tight black skirt. She walked confidently on a pair of impossibly-high heels. The overall impression I got was that of a poised, confident, slightly slutty businesswoman, the kind that most men salivate after. As I ushered her into the meeting room, I noticed a few male colleagues' heads popping above their cubicle partitions to catch a glimpse of the "cun customer".

As the meeting progressed, I discovered something else about this "cun customer". She talked like she was from another country. America, to be precise.

Me: Have you confirmed the details for the project?
She: Yes, I asked my boss and his answer was that we need to make several changes, blah blah blah.
(Asked pronounced assed; answer pronounced enser)

Me: We've ordered the component RZ from the supplier.
She: That's great! How many RZs will we need in total?
(Z pronounced Zee)

By this time my curiosity was piqued. As Malaysians, we love making small talk so I decided to kill two birds with one stone - chit chat with her to build relationship, and dig out info about her background.

Me: Are you returning straight to Penang or going to travel some more this week?
She: Oh, I'll be in KL until tomorrow, then back to Penang.
Me: I see. You have plans already for today?
She: Yeah, I'm meeting up with some friends, we're going dancing tonight.
(Dancing pronounced densing)
Me: That sounds fun. So do you travel a lot?
She: Yeah, that's the great part about my job! I've been all over Malaysia.
Me: Oh, how about overseas?
She: You know, so far I've never been abroad, only travelled within Malaysia. But next year I plan to go to Thailand!
Me: Oh, so you've never been to other countries like the US?
(seeking confirmation lah!)
She: Nope, never.

So basically, I was dealing with some sort of mat salleh celup who had never set foot outside the country but who spoke like an American. I don't get it, how can you speak in a foreign accent if you've lived in Malaysia all your life? I also have watched MTV and countless American movies, but I don't speak with a twang.

It's a trend I notice with some young Malaysians. Dressing up in Western clothes is one thing, but speaking like a foreigner? Come on lah, who are you trying to impress? It sounds stupid, and you look stupid. Why is it that Malaysians who live overseas can maintain their Malaysian style of talking, when you, who have never stepped foot beyond our borders, pick up an accent from nowhere?

I notice Malaysian children who were born or have lived overseas for a long time tend to speak in whatever way their fellow countrymen do. I don't think there's anything wrong with this because they would have spent years surrounded by foreigners, and naturally adapted to their new surroundings. But why is it that the mat salleh kids who come here, and study here and all that, still speak like mat sallehs? Very few actually talk like Malaysians. Is it because the Malaysian way of speaking is harder to pick up than the mat salleh way?

Or do some of us feel ashamed of our heritage and drop the Malaysian way of talking as soon as we leave the country, and in cases like the "cun customer", even while we are still in the country?

I just don't get it.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a 100% Malaysian Meow.

The problem with parents

2005-07-19T10:08:00.000+08:00

What is it about people that turns them into blubbering idiots when they're talking about their kids? They gush and brag about their pride and joy as if their kid is the next Einstein or the next Mariah Carey.

"You know ah, James is so smart, already can distinguish between aeroplanes and helicopters and he's not even 2!"

"My Nurhana can sing so well, the other day someone told me she really got talent, must enter her in singing contest. Got any contest for kids ke?"

And so on and so forth. Everyone is convinced they have the smartest, cutest, most talented kid on earth. Don't get me wrong, I like kids, I especially love the naughty and cheeky ones, but I cannot stand parents who have nothing else to talk about besides their kids. The ones who stand over the prams fussing about, making googly eyes and indulging in baby talk with their kids in public. "Mummm mumm .... goooli gooli gooli, kooochi koochi!", then erupt into laughs when the baby smiles (probably wincing inside at their parents' behaviour).

Even worse are those who aren't parents themselves but gush about other people's kids.

"My sister's baby is sooooooooo cute lah, already can turn over, the other day nearly fell off the bed!"

"My neighbour's child, he is only 3 but can count to 10 in 3 different languages!"

In small doses, such boasts are all right, but when they become focal points of conversations, and these people can't see how nobody else is really interested in how Junior can sing the national anthem backwards, then it's a royal pain. But how to tell them off? It would hurt their feelings if you brutally said, "Eh can shuddup or not, we're not interested in hearing about your kid, ok?"

Maybe I will turn into a blubbering idiot when I become a mother someday, but for now, please lah, spare me the details and just tell me the important bits like Junior has learned how to walk now, then I will respond with the appropriate amount of oohs and aahs, and smoothly move on to a more pressing topic. Such as whether liquid wax is better than wax strips.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an exasperated Meow.

The age-old issue of religion

2005-07-18T13:45:00.000+08:00

An email from a troubled reader:

Dear kucing,

Last year i met this girl, S. i'm a senior in this one student's association and S was my junior, but previously we never met cos i was absent that whole semester. i only met S before this major conference and everything was fine back then. we had the usual 'platonic' relationship. possible only cos at that time i already swore off women haha. anyway, when semester reopened we hung out together even more.

at this point i realized S can make a very good best friend, and me vice versa. as time passed however, i got to know S better and i eventually fell for S. oh you've heard this many times i'm sure. i told myself at first it was just a crush and i'll get over it. partly due to pride, cos i've always said that best friends don't fall for each other (and prior to S, i've never fallen for my best friends).

as time passed i began to fall even deeper for S. oh, forgot to tell you. on the very 1st day our association had its meeting in this new semester, one of the other juniors, whom I'll call Z from here on noticed S and started to ask S out eventually. as semester came to an end, i realized that this time i'm falling for her for real and i was cursing myself for knowing S ahha. S liked the guy too. they always went out, and Z has stood her up on various occasions. and on these occasions, when i found out S was stood up i drove all the way to Uni just to take S out (well since she was all ready with nowhere to go and hungry). oh yeah, there was that one time Z didnt go out with her when he's supposed to cos he was playing DOTA (online game. i've never seen it myself) Z drives her crazy all the time with his irresponsible behaviour even when they were assigned to the same project. she always complained to me about this.

and yet she still likes him. oh, Z is the 1st ever guy to make a move on her in her entire life. and i'm the 1st guy she tells everything adn 1st guy to get her flowers (cos i found out she never got flowers before, so i went to a florist and surprised her during one of our outings)

time passed by and i fell deeper, while at the same time S started playing the 'penduulm act' swinging back and forth from liking Z, to not liking him. i knew she liked him so all the time i've been trying to set them up together, preparing myself for the day they'll be one :P

one day Z proposed to S. she said no cos she didn't like his behaviour. and afterwards the pendulum swing was more irregular. we're very best friends so she tells me everything in her life. i finally felt so down and called a good friend of her, B to pour out.

B said we won't have a chance cos you see kucing, i'm malay and she's chinese. it's another one of those racial issues. the girl said things'll be MUCH different if i was chinese cos she told me i am already what S wants in a guy T_T

our friends always asked us why aren't we an item yet. her reply: he'll never fall for me (and anything to that effect). my reply: cos i'm gay/i have too many gfs to take care of/i'm androgenous/she's not my type (i even do the *bleargh* face when i say this/no feelings for her maaaa

My own parents will kill me if i marry a non-malay, and her parents feel the same way too. but i've had some non-malay girls in my life, albeit secretly :P those were all monkey love. i guess kucing u probably know the difference already right?

i'm always there for her when she's down.when she was on a dating spree with Z, she kinda left me out, but i stil kept on being there for her. always. up to a point where she sent me this SMS:

"i've not been a fren to u these few days.. no WEEKS!only call u when i'm down.Sorry for tat! =)"

anyway, to make it short i DO love her kucing. i seriously want this one to end in marriage for us.

last night, she went out with him again (i just graduated) and she told me that she still harbors hopes of him proposing to her again. she said once, if Z ever asks again, she'll say yes this time.

right now i don't know anything. i know they'll probably be together sometime in the future. S doesnt know about my feelings of course :P S told me she doesn't expect it to last, but i told her it can last yada yada yada. oh you know, the rol of the guy who puts her before me.

I know she's happy with him, i don't know what she feels towards me, she told me once that i'm her very bst friend in Uni and i know it means we'll never get to a relationhip point. yknow?

as i write this even more, my mind becomes more muddled and my heart feels heavier. i've promised not to leave her side, cos "that's what friends do".

"I would hate for you to find somebody new
Who you really loved cause it would mean losing you
But am I a fool girl not to say
If I'm always scared, I'll lose you anyway"

this line from 98 degrees keeps on playing in my head.
am i a sucker for pain, kucing? do i enjoy being tormented so much that i have to overcome a barrier i was born with? why cant our parents see that this is not the 50s? i love her, i want to be with her and yet at the same time i don't have the courage to tell her cos she'll run away if i do. why can't everyone else see the world the way that i do? kucing, i'm jsut repeating myself but i seriously do love her. i want to grow old with her, together under the same roof.

B's words kept ringing in my mind "it's not a matter of him being the better man. it's just the world getting in your way. if you were chinese, things would seriously be much different".

what can i do kucing? is letting her go and just wish for them to be happy the only thing i can do? i dont want that.

yours, mine or whomever's,
the smiling man

Kucing Gatal says:

Dear Smiling Man,

I sympathise with you, unrequited love is painful. Loving someone from afar and seeing her in love with another man is indeed torture for the heart.

Let's deal with this one issue at a time. S obviously trusts you to be able to confide in you. You're basically her shoulder to cry on and she may have taken your friendship for granted, knowing you'll always be there when she needs you.

Now, does she have any inkling about your feelings for her? Have you ever let it be known that you love her? Even if you haven't, girls have a built-in sensor, and can usually tell when someone is harbouring a secret crush/love for them. Put it this way: if a guy is always there for me, and has no girlfriend/boyfriend, I would imagine that his feelings for me are more than pure friendship. So I'm sure she kind of knows how you feel, but maybe refuses to entertain the notion. But sometimes girls keep guys like you on the side, ever ready to drop everything and come to their rescue. It's not nice, but it happens.

Giving S the benefit of the doubt, let's say that she has absolutely no idea you love her. She's in love with Z, and based on your description of him, can't see him for the loser that he really is. Girls like bad guys for some stupid reason, that's why she puts up with his behaviour. There may be something special about Z that S is attracted to, or maybe she's just responding to him cos he's the first guy to make a move on her, like you said. I really cannot pass judgment since I don't have the full picture.

Let's say you are Chinese. Are you 100% sure that S would then fall for you? To me, race is not a big issue. Chinese-Indian, Malay-Chinese, Indian-Caucasian, doesn't matter what the combo is, love has no boundaries. But to many people, such as your parents, it is. I think it has less to do with race than religion. Let's face it, non-Muslims think 10 times before marrying a Muslim in Malaysia because of the compulsory conversion. Is S willing to take this huge step, which must be considered if she wants a long-term relationship with you? That could be what's stopping her. And if it is, then my friend, you've got to face facts. She will have to go against her parents' wishes, you will have to go against yours, she will have to convert, and you will have to keep her happy for your entire life or else, when you fight, she will bring up this issue: "You so ungrateful, I married you, converted for you, and now you are shouting at me, how can!!"

The next issue is age. If I read your mail correctly, you're both uni students. Yet Z proposed to S. Now in my opinion, uni students (unless you're postgrad or something) are way too young to think about marriage. And Z really does not sound like the responsible sort - he seems to be terrible boyfriend material, what more husband material! And if you're the same age, you should also not be thinking of marriage so early. A relationship is one thing, marriage is another.

I would say however, that the biggest hurdle in this is the religion issue. Putting aside age, and her feelings for Z, and assuming that she falls in love with you, you must both be mature enough to realise the difficulties involved, i.e. the different religions. When you're young and idealistic, any problem can be overcome. It's easy to say, "We will elope, doesn't matter what our parents think, we're madly in love and want to be together!" But when you're older and wiser, you realise that there is more to it than meets the eye. Your family is important to you, her family is important to her. Are you both willing to risk losing your respective families over this relationship? For you, the decision will be easier since you have less to lose. S is the one who will have to convert, she will be the one who has to make the ultimate decision.

My advice to you is based on the assumption that the only reason S is not in love with you is because of the religion issue. In that case, if you know for certain that S will love you if you're Chinese, then you may want to snoop around and find out how she feels about inter-racial marriages. Gauge her feelings before you make any move. You can drop subtle hints, and watch Sepet with her, and other similarly-themed movies, and see her reaction. If she says there is no way she would marry a non-Chinese, and no way she would convert to Islam, then sorry my friend, you're in for heartbreak. If she reacts positively, and if she is not really in love with Z, then you may want to tell her how you feel - IF you are willing to risk losing her as a friend.

If she is really in love with Z, then you will have no choice but to stand back and let her be happy with him. Maybe Z will turn over a new leaf and be a responsible adult, or maybe he will ditch her when he finds someone new, who can say what the future holds? If you're strong, then remain in her life as a good friend, catch her when she falls, but never tell her your feelings for her unless you're very sure she can reciprocate. If you can't handle being just a friend, then the best thing to do would be to cut off all ties.

In an idealistic world, religion would not be a barrier in relationships. But it is a harsh, narrow-minded world we live in, where race and religion are used as a tool to keep lovers apart. That is a tragedy. If everyone can look beyond colour and religion, the world would be a happier place. I'm sorry to hear of your pain, and hope that everything works out for the best. But do remember that the pain of heartbreak is part of growing up, and almost everyone goes through it, so you are not alone.

I am a strong believer in fate, and if it is meant to happen, it will. Keep your spirits up, Smiling Man!

Hope this helps,
Kucing Gatal

I hope my advice makes sense, it may be a bit muddled because I'm doing this in between work deadlines, sorry bout that!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a stressed out Meow.

Hiatus

2005-07-15T08:06:00.000+08:00

Kucing Gatal is on a short break. Busy with work .... back soon!

To the people who have sent me their problems and seek my advice, please be patient, I promise to get around to it as soon as I can.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a very busy Meow.

Should men shave down there?

2005-07-13T10:26:00.000+08:00

My response to Bald guy after realising what type of bald he was talking about.

Dear Bald guy,

Yes, many guys do dig women going bald. As for whether women dig bald guys, I would say yes too, since it is cleaner and smoother. And if you like giving BJs, you won't have to stop periodically to pick hair out of your mouth.

So if you want your woman to shave her pubes, it's only fair that you do too ;)

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a caffeine-boosted Meow.

Do women like bald men?

2005-07-13T10:08:00.000+08:00

I received this email yesterday:

Hi Kucing Gatal,

Well most man do dig women going bald but do women dig guys go bald as well ?

Best,
Bald guy

Kucing Gatal says:

Dear Bald guy,
I've not heard of any guy going gaga over a bald or balding woman (except maybe Sinead O'Connor fans), so I can't agree with your statement. Guys, please help me out here, do you dig women going bald?

Now, for the question of women and bald guys. There are loads of sexy bald guys out there. Think Billy Zane and Vin Diesel, not Kojak. I think it's quite a trend now for guys to shave their heads and grow a goatee, and in my opinion, most of them look quite good. Of course there are some with weirdly-shaped heads or bumpy heads - the bald look doesn't go well with these types of heads.

Hmm, come to think of it, I don't think I've seen any bald Chinese guy with a goatee.... in fact I've not even seen a bald Chinese guy. I've seen balding ones, but not bald ones. I shall keep a lookout now to see if I can spot any. Plenty of bald Malays, Indians and Mat Sallehs, but Chinese? Hmmmm...

Sometimes nature doesn't give you a choice. Your hair starts thinning, then a bald patch appears which grows and grows till one day you wake up and see a huge shiny patch on the top of your head. That's when you start scanning the papers for Svenson ads, and if you can't afford the hair treatment, toy with the idea of going bald. It takes some courage, I would say, to shave it all off and parade in front of your family and friends. Reactions will inevitably range from "Oh my God!!" to "What the $#!@" to "Wow, you look fantastic!!" (the last will probably not happen if you have a weirdly-shaped head, unless you have friends who are visually-challenged or just plain liars).

But I digress. Your question is, do women dig bald guys? I personally do (although I also love the feeling of running my hands through thick, wavy hair) , but I can't speak for all women out there. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, after all.

If you're balding and wondering if you should go botak, feel the shape of your head. If it feels bumpy or has a weird shape, then you may want to hold on to the botak plan for a while. If you have only 5 strands of hair left and 3 look like they're about to fall off, then there is no hope and you should go bald. Face the world with confidence and to hell with what anyone thinks. A confident man is a lady magnet, after all. Whatever you do, do NOT sport a combover. Please. For the love of God.

If you need some encouragement to go bald, have a look at this. And if you want to know what you'd look like bald, have a look here.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a bald-is-beautiful Meow.

Edited to add: Right after I clicked Publish Post, I realised that Bald guy is talking about a different kind of bald. Will address this in my next post. Sorry, lack of caffeine numbs my brain!

He wants to dump her cos she smokes

2005-07-12T14:15:00.000+08:00

Dear Kucing Gatal,

My boyfriend recently found out I smoke and has threatened to dump me unless I quit. He hates women smokers. For 6 months I managed to hide the truth from him but he finally found out after I left a pack on my coffee table and he dropped in unexpectedly. I've tried to quit smoking but each time I meet up with my friends, they all start puffing away and I cannot resist the temptation, and if I say no, they will urge me until I join them. I love my boyfriend very much but can't say no to cigarettes. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Puffy

Kucing Gatal says:
Dear Puffy,

I'm sure you know the dangers of smoking so I won't bore you with the obvious health hazards (if you're ignorant about this I suggest you read this). If you're not bothered about lung cancer and heart attacks, you may be interested to know that smoking causes facial wrinkles. Yes, that's right, you may be blessed with a pretty face now, but keep on lighting up and soon you'll look years older and have wrinkles to deal with. Then you'll really have trouble holding on to your boyfriend. Wrinkles are forever - and they seem to multiply overnight!

Seems to me that women smokers are on the rise in Malaysia. Walk around the KLCC fountain and you're bound to see a number of ladies sitting at the cafes, casually puffing away, trying to look cool. Personally, I don't get it. It's already so hot in Malaysia, and these ladies don't look like they're under any stress, so why smoke? Some guys find it sexy, maybe that's why. Other guys find it a complete turn-off. Obviously your boyfriend is in this category.

(Time for Kucing to shut up and stop being judgmental about smoking)

Now, for him to give you an ultimatum like that is a bit unfair. He should be more supportive. Has he tried helping you quit, since he found out? Or have you been lying all this while and told him you don't smoke at all? If you've openly said you don't smoke, then he has a right to be pissed off. If you've got a decent bloke on your hands, he will try to help you quit and support you throughout the process rather than use it as an excuse to dump you. If he really cares about you, he'll go through it with you. I myself don't like smoking/smokers but if my boyfriend were to suddenly start smoking, I wouldn't use that as an excuse to dump him, unless I've tried to help him quit and he refuses to.

All said and done, I would advise you to stop smoking because you want to, not just because someone else is urging you. It's only when it comes from within you that you'll have the discipline to follow through. You must have the initiative to do so, otherwise when your friends offer you a stick, you're unlikely to have much willpower to hold out. I hope for your sake that you're able to be strong and do this.

Another piece of advice I can give you is this: if your friends know you're trying to quit and still urge you to smoke, consider getting a new bunch of friends cos obviously these ones don't have your best interests at heart.

Hope this helps,
Kucing Gatal

I'm a non-smoker so I don't know exactly how hard it is to quit. Any of you who've been through the experience, your comments and advice are most welcome. Please help Puffy out.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with an anti-smoking Meow.

Why do so many blogs focus on food?

2005-07-11T09:05:00.000+08:00

Malaysian bloggers are obsessed about two things: themselves and food. The majority of blogs here focus either on the blogger's personal life or on food. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this, it's just an observation I've made.

Is our love affair with food so passionate that we see fit to come back and write a review about the fantastic dinner we've just had? Are we so proud of a simple achievement like making nasi goreng that we just HAVE to take a picture and share it with the rest of the blogging world? Me, I can cook up some pretty decent fare, and am proud of my culinary efforts, but I'm not going to painstakingly type out the recipe for sotong sambal, snap some pics, and post it up for you guys to marvel at.

Now, before you get your hackles up, let me reiterate, if the rest of you want to do it, fine. Sometimes I do enjoy reading food-related posts, but most of the time, I'm really not interested in knowing if the garlic bread at Pizza Hut is garlicky enough, or how many chocolate chips should go into each cookie to make it perfect.

Then there are the navel-gazing bloggers, who think others would be interested in knowing the exact number of nose hairs they have, or that the strap of their watch broke and they had to go to Petaling Street to get a new watch, and on the way, their taxi stopped to pick up a pregnant woman who turned out to be a robber and robbed all of them at knife point, and so they had no money left to buy a watch, or pay the taxi driver, who abandoned them in some lonely place somewhere and they had to trudge all the way back home in the rain, and now not only do they need a new watch, they need new shoes too.

Me, I'm in the second category of course. After all, I am an average Malaysian, and I'm as stereotypical as they get. Although sometimes I do break out of the mould and surprise people.

Which brings me to the point of this whole post: why are there so few different blogs? Why can we not focus on something besides ourselves and food? Why are there no blogs focusing on DIY plumbing, for example, or gardening, or even the art of dating, Malaysian-style? Maybe there are, I haven't explored every Malaysian blog yet, so please tell me if I am wrong. I know there are some focusing on IT, politics and religion, but don't know of any other popular topic.

I guess because we are so passionate about food, it's only natural that this is a favourite to blog about. But surely there are talented craftspeople out there who can share their knowledge with us? "Yes, Kucing," I hear you say, "Their knowledge is readily available in what is known as a website, and you can find it by using something called a search engine." True, but I want a personal touch to it, for example someone tried to fix a leaking toilet and ended up bursting a major pipe, resulting in their whole house being flooded and having to call in a plumber to fix the damage. At least if someone blogged about this, we'd have a good laugh, offer our sympathies, then make a mental note of which major pipe to avoid. Amusing AND educational, a great combination. You may be able to point me to a number of blogs that highlight these kinds of things, but I'm willing to bet it will be part of someone's blog, something that happened one day in their lives, and not the general theme of the blog itself.

"Kucing, you're missing the whole point of blogging. A blog is like an online journal, where a person can share details of his/her personal life," you may argue. No, this is limiting the definition of a blog. You can do anything you want, make your blog stand out. It can be your personal diary, but it can also be a powerful tool to make companies and governments sit up and take notice, for example, Jeff Ooi's Screenshots.

"If you don't like it, don't read it," you may huff. True, but like I said, I'm not attacking any blog individually, I'm just making general observations, and giving my unsolicited opinion.

"So Kucing, you hypocrite, what are you doing to improve the Malaysian blogosphere?" you may ask. Well, I am trying to turn my blog into an agony aunt column, hoping to help others with their relationship/general problems, despite not being a psychologist/ psychiatrist (so please take my advice with a pinch of salt, and if you're really in a pickle, see a doctor/therapist). Apart from that, I am just another average Malaysian blogger, sharing details of my life with the rest of the world. I have no plumbing/gardening/ sewing/movie-making skills whatsoever so I really have nothing specific to awe you with. I have excellent movie-watching skills though, and that I can readily share with you, but then, you've probably already read a hundred posts about Batman Begins and War of the Worlds so I have nothing new to add.

If I have been totally off the mark, and there are some outstanding Malaysian blogs you know of (besides those focusing on politics/religion/IT), please let me know.

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a Monday-morning Meow.

If You're Mean, They're Keen

2005-07-07T18:20:00.000+08:00

Why is it that some guys just can't take a hint? The more you reject their advances, the harder they try. Check out these cringe-worthy lines:

He: "Mmmm I love that smell! What perfume are you wearing?"
Me: "Lux soap."
He: "Wow, you make Lux soap smell like the best perfume on earth ..."

He: "Those are really nice earrings ... diamonds?"
Me: "$2.50 studs from Sinma."
He: "They look so real on your pretty little ears. Never mind, I can buy for you real diamond earrings, you want?"
Me: "No!"
He: "When is your birthday?"

On the phone:
He: Hi, how are you?
Me: Hey, I'm running late for a meeting, can't talk, I'll call you back.
He: Just 2 minutes please, I just want to hear your voice.
Me: Got to go, bye!
He: Wait lah, don't hang up, just a few seconds, please!
I hang up.

Via SMS late at night:
He: Hi, I couldn't sleep thinking about you.
No reply from me as I am busy ZzzZZ-ing.
5 minutes later
He: Hello? Reply lah at least.
3 minutes later
He: Are you angry with me? I'm sorry if I did anything wrong.
5 minutes later
He: You're probably asleep. Sorry for disturbing you.
1 minute later
He: Goodnight pretty one.

Lucky I put my phone on silent mode before I go to bed - the vibrations aren't enough to wake me up.

Treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen, as the saying goes. But what about when you REALLY can't stand these guys? The meaner you are, the keener they are. It's a no-win situation, isn't it? You're nice to them, they have hopes that you're softening towards them. You're mean to them and they get even more interested and don't stop hounding you.

You tell them to piss off and they back off for some time, only to reappear a short while later, cunningly testing the waters with a generic SMS, for example wishing you Happy New Year. And if you're kind enough to reply, that's an open invitation for them to sneak back into your life. If you don't reply, they send more generic SMSes, hoping you'll respond some day.

Some guys go to the extent of making up a fictitious girlfriend, hoping to make you jealous, hoping that you'll come to your senses and realise what a catch they are. Please, this does not work. The minute you tell me you have a girlfriend, I'm genuinely happy for you and hope you're genuinely in love with her. I had this guy hounding me for ages, then he got a girlfriend, but he kept comparing her to me, and he kept telling me he really loved me instead. What a bloody loser. Not only was he messing around with a perfectly nice girl, he was too dense to realise that I would never be attracted to him. Not because of his looks or anything, but because I found him immature and irresponsible. Not very attractive traits in a man, don't you think? Last I heard, he got dumped. Good for the girl!

I also know of some girls who shamelessly chase after guys who aren't interested in them in the least bit. Why does this happen? Is it the thrill of the chase? What is it that makes you so persistent to the point of being a pest? If I was interested in a guy and I know he just likes me as a friend, or doesn't want to be associated with me at all, I'd back off immediately. Respect his decision, and live with it. Is that so difficult to do? I know it can be painful, unrequited love and all that, but hey, it's better than you making a fool of yourself in the vain hope that the other person is going to suddenly fall madly in love with you. Secretly pining after someone is perfectly normal, just don't announce your love/lust for the other person and keep hounding them.

I have secretly pined for some guys, and then outgrew it naturally. Am very glad that I never told them, it would have made things awkward and I would have lost some good friends.

Any of you been in the same situation? Or currently irritating some poor person with your unwanted and unwelcome attention?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a mean Meow.

The Stink of Humanity

2005-07-07T09:25:00.000+08:00

Have you guys ever been on a crowded bus/train, pressed up against strangers, minding your own business when suddenly, an odour starts making its way up your nostrils and before you can stop yourself, you've sniffed it, and realise that you can smell someone's extremely smelly ketiak?

You look around suspiciously. Is it that geeky guy with a laptop who's next to you? Or the creepy looking fellow wearing a checked shirt and too-tight pants? Or is it that demure looking woman in the baju kurung who's avoiding everybody's gaze? Or is it ... sniff, sniff... horror of horrors .... you???

On occasion, when I'm in an extreme hurry, I forget to use my deodorant and halfway through my busy day I realise I'm stinking like a sweaty sportsman (I want to say pig but I've never smelt a pig so I can't really make a fair comparison). If I have an important appointment, I cringe and try to creep as far away from other people as possible. If I have time, I'll dash down to the nearest 7-11/kedai runcit and grab the first deodorant I see, then dash to the nearest loo. If there's no loo, I surreptitiously roll it on, hoping no one can see.

I really should learn from experience, but sometimes my brain goes on vacation early in the morning and I have bouts of forgetfulness. Lucky it hasn't happened too often. Now I keep a spare deodorant in the glove compartment, just in case!

The next time you see someone crouching behind a car with a small plastic bag, don't jump to conclusions. It could just be someone who's forgotten their roll-on for the day. Or it could be someone planting a bomb. Either way, best to mind your business and get far away.

Back to the bus/train scenario. More often than not, you'll catch this odious whiff of undeodorised armpits, and try to turn your face away for some fresh air. But there's no fresh air because it's too crowded and so you're forced to breathe it in, or breathe through your mouth for the duration that the owner of the smelly armpits is around.

Some people, like me, may have genuinely forgotten this part of their daily hygiene routine, but there are those who have never heard of deodorants and go about their day merrily, completely oblivious to the discomfort they're causing to the people around them. And no one dares to tell them about it! We all put up with the smell, rather than shame the person by pointing out the problem. Same goes for bad breath too. Why is it we can bitch about this to all and sundry, but can never find it within ourselves to talk to the person directly?

I guess we're all just too polite. If I had this problem, and someone informed me about it, I would be so embarrassed that I wouldn't be able to face my friends/colleagues with confidence again. If I'm not mistaken, there's a site that allows you to send anonymous emails/ecards to people, telling them something like "Someone cares enough to tell you that you have halitosis". On the surface this sounds wonderful, a solution for us sufferers. But put yourself in the recipient's shoes, having received a message like this, how can you meet people's gazes again? You'd always wonder who sent you the message, how long people have put up with it, and even if you apply ten layers of deodorant from now on, you'll be paranoid that you're polluting the air around you.

There's really no simple solution, is there? Have any of you out there actually told someone (besides family members) that they are hygienically-challenged? How did the person take the news? And have any of you been long-time silent sufferers? And how many of you are like me, have forgotten to use your deodorant and only realised it in the middle of the day?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a scented Meow.

Racist Slurs

2005-07-06T14:15:00.000+08:00

I'm racist, and so is every other Malaysian I know. Be honest, who among us can claim that they've never uttered a racist statement in their life? During tense moments, during eruptions of anger, Pandora's Box pops open and out come the racist slurs.

I'm a fair racist - I condemn all races equally, depending on the situation.

After 10 minutes at a government department, I'm muttering, "Goddamit, these Melayus are SO slow and lazy!!!"

After waiting patiently at traffic lights and seeing cars cutting queue here and there (especially in SS2 PJ), I curse, "Bloody Chinaman drivers! If only I had a machine gun or a tank!"

After shopping at Indian shops along Jln Tuanku Abdul Rahman, I'm wondering, "Why do Indians have such a funny smell? Cannot stand it!"

And when I see locals kow-towing to Mat Sallehs, I go, "These mat sallehs come here and act like they're God. So arrogant!" Then I condemn the locals for putting the foreigners on a pedestal in the first place.

Just as I can pass all these rude and stereotypical judgements, I can also give credit where credit is due.

"Yummmm, Chinese food is sooooo good! The Chinese really know how to make good food!"

"Look at these cute earrings! The Indians are really good at all these creative accessories!"

"This kuih is to die for. One thing about the Malays, they're really good at making desserts."

So you see, I am just a typical Malaysian. And now you're probably wondering, Kucing Gatal, what race are you? Well, I'm one of the above, and I'm all of the above. Living in Malaysia, you can't help but absorb parts of other cultures into your own culture and life.

Get it right though, I don't hate the different races, I'm just letting off steam! Right after condemning the Malays, I can call up my Malay friend and say, "Eh jom ke Sunway, nak pi shopping." After mentally blowing up all Chinese-owned cars on the road, I can go to my Chinese friend's wedding and happily Yam Seng with my Chinese tea. After stepping out of the Indian shops to gulp in some fresh air, I can turn to my Indian friend and invite her over for dinner.

I may get flak for this post, but I'm just putting into words what every Malaysian does, whether openly or not. Show me a Malaysian who hasn't condemned an entire race based on an individual's actions and I'll show you a liar ;)

Kucing Gatal's Fantasies

2005-07-05T12:16:00.000+08:00

Fantasies .... everyone has them. When I was really young, I had fantasies of flying around, and being able to turn invisible whenever I wanted. As a teenager I fantasised about getting straight As in my exams without having to study, and being offered a scholarship to study anywhere I wanted. As a young adult I fantasised about winning the lottery and telling my boss to shove his paperwork where the sun don't shine.

And then there are the sexual fantasies. I had my first real sexual fantasy around the tender age of 14. Probably because I chanced upon a porno video tape lying around in my house (lucky me!) and my innocent little mind was corrupted forever. It was about a pool boy and a bored housewife, pretty straightforward porn, but remember, I was only 14, and didn't even know about different sexual positions. By today's standards, I was a late, late bloomer. The word doggy had always meant a canine to me until I saw that pool boy ramming the housewife who looked like she was in total ecstacy. And then, for the first time in my life, I saw a man ejaculate, and I saw how much power a woman has over a horny guy.

I was an innocent, and hadn't even kissed a boy, but from then on, I looked at guys differently. I became Kucing Gatal ... but my first sexual encounter didn't happen till a few years later, because I was Gatal in mind, but the rest of me was chicken.

Anyway, it all started when I was in college. I was attracted to this guy, the feeling was mutual, one thing led to another and in no time, we were rolling around with each other. There were no fireworks, in fact on a scale of 1 - 10, I would rate it a 3. But from then on, I was sexually liberated. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean I just humped every guy in sight. Only when I really liked a guy, and knew he felt the same way, would I expose myself to him.

I loved the feeling of having a man literally grow in my hand, the bulge that enlarged with just a few strokes. And I loved the way a man would close his eyes and moan when I licked him. Most guys love blowjobs, but few women actually enjoy doing it ... I'm one of those few. I like being in total control, kneeling over a man who's lying spread-eagled and blindfolded, and using only my mouth and tongue to explore and arouse him until he can't stand it anymore and explodes.

Which leads me to my topic: sexual fantasies. I've always had one-on-one encounters, never had threesomes or participated in a group orgy. The main reason being I have no lesbian tendencies whatsoever, and when you say threesome to a guy, he automatically assumes it has to be another woman. Mention that it has to be a guy and watch him deflate. I don't know why, but the guys I've been with absolutely refuse to even think of sharing their girl with another guy, but they have no problems with sharing her with another girl. I don't blame them, since I myself am not interested in making out with a member of my own sex, I guess they have the same reservations. But honestly, the idea of having two men at once just makes my blood run hot and my toes curl. Pure ecstacy, having every inch of you loved by not one, but two eager pairs of hands, two tongues, two mouths, two penises ... ooooh. Maybe one day I'll meet a man who's secure enough to experiment and allow me to indulge in this fantasy.

The other fantasy I have is of being controlled. I know I said I like being in control, but I also fantasise about a man who's strong enough to dominate me, knows how to turn me on and has his wicked way with me while I'm helpless. Note: I do NOT mean rape, because that is a disgusting crime. I mean a situation with two consenting adults, where one consents to be submissive to the dominant one. I also do NOT mean S&M, because like I said in my earlier post, Kucing Gatal is an enemy of pain. I want a man who will arouse me to the point of orgasm, then hold back, and make me beg for more. The guys I've been with are sweet and always try to satisfy me fully but there's always something missing.

I've not shared this fantasy with the guys I've been with because they're simply not dominant material. They would probably try, but it wouldn't be exactly what I'm looking for. I guess I just want a really bad boy who knows what he's doing. Why is it we women want these bad boys? They're such bastards yet we crave for them.

So there are two of my favourite sexual fantasies. They're quite tame but they're the ones most likely to be fulfilled at some point in the future ;) The really perverse ones are locked up in my mind, for my enjoyment only.

Kucing Gatal wants to hear from you - what are your sexual fantasies, and have you fulfilled them?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a seductive Meow.

Can A Man & Woman Be Just Friends?

2005-07-04T09:40:00.000+08:00

As promised, here is my response to an anonymous reader's query, posted in the comments section of this post.

*****
Dear Kucing Gatal, ur blog is truly whiff of fresh air. I have a question for u. can u please tell me whether there is actaully such thing as "platonic friendship" between men & women (as in heterosexual males and females). it's been bugging me. help.

Anonymous

Kucing Gatal says:
Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your kind compliment. I hope the air doesn't start becoming stale and smelly soon, like it does in so many blogs that start out promisingly.

Now for your question. The short answer is yes. Of course men and women can be just friends. HOWEVER, there are conditions attached.

For instance, you can never be just friends with someone who is gorgeous. Think about it: you're out with him/her, you're bound to notice all the stares & catcalls he/she is getting. Then your brain shuts off, pheromones kick in, and before you can say Booyah, you start lusting after this person you've, up until now, never really considered as a member of the opposite sex. Heaven help you if you've been out drinking with him/her, for the next thing you know, you would have spilled your guts (hopefully not literally), sobbed out some pathetic statement like "I've always loved you", received a disdainful stare or worse, a slap, and then the dreaded line is delivered: "I only see you as a friend, nothing more". Your ears are ringing, you're standing there wishing the ground would open up and swallow you, and you wonder if you can ever have things back the way they were before you opened your big mouth. In situations like this, best to cut and run. You're always going to have that hanging over your heads, and that's going to make for some mighty awkward moments in the future.

Also, you must be fully prepared that this platonic friend of yours is eventually going to find a life partner. Now if you're a social butterfly, that's fine and dandy, no big loss if he/she can no longer spend all their shopping/eating/movie-watching moments with you. But if he/she is your one true friend, and no one else wants to get close to you because you smell funny or you spit when you talk or boogers are always hanging out of your nose, then this is a major loss in your life. Would you be able to handle it when he/she says, "Listen (insert name here), I've really enjoyed having you as my personal leech all this time. But now I've met (insert bastard/bitch's name here) and I want to spend as much time with (bastard/bitch) as possible. I hope you understand. We'll still meet up, just not as regularly. Oh, and of course, (bastard/bitch) will be there as well." If this brings tears to your eyes, and you have visions of impaling said bastard/bitch to the spikes of the fence outside the Agong's Palace, then you need to get counselling or better still, leave the country. Malaysia is a small place, and you're bound to one day bump into him/her with bitch/bastard clinging on to him/her and you may not be able to stop yourself from launching into a verbal attack or hurling yourself into them.

You may not have any sexual/romantic feelings for this friend of yours, but a true platonic friendship means you will be able to see them happy with someone else, without feeling any jealousy, and genuinely be happy for them. You don't mind that they have no time for you, and you don't mind that they do not name their firstborn after you. And you'll be there when bastard/bitch dumps your friend, allowing him/her to sob on your shoulder while you're plotting how to burn down bastard/bitch's house with them in it. That's true friendship.

Some people insist that they're in a platonic friendship but in reality, they secretly desire the other person. They maintain the friendship, hoping that over time, the other person will desire them too. Sometimes this happens, and everything works out, but sometimes it doesn't, and you're left heartbroken without ever having revealed your feelings. Things that he/she says, such as, "Hey so-and-so asked me out, what should I wear?" stab your heart over and over again, and you stand there with a fixed smile on your face, making wardrobe suggestions. If you can deal with this kind of emotional torture, then by all means, stick around and continue hoping. Kucing Gatal wouldn't, mental health is far more important. Besides, plenty of fish in the sea. And for those who say "No, you don't understand, he/she is the most special person on earth!", let me tell you, there are PLENTY of special people around. The only reason you haven't discovered this is because you are pining for this friend of yours and won't give others a chance.

Now, there is another kind of friendship: the best friend with benefits. By this I mean you two are the best of friends and do everything together. And then one day you both get drunk/high, and end up making out and then the next day find yourselves in the same bed, butt naked. Now, how you deal with this situation will affect your friendship forever. You can either laugh about it and shrug it off and swear it won't happen again, or you can scream in horror, get dressed, dash out and never see your friend again. Or you can just say, "Well that was good, call me the next time you get horny" and continue the friendship as before. The last option means you're both best friends with benefits. You're both mature enough to realise that you don't want a relationship with each other, you just want a quickie every now and then when no one else is available. This is a sort-of platonic friendship, the kind that most guys dream of.

To summarise, if you can maintain a friendship with a member of the opposite sex, and not have any emotional involvement that results in jealousy/one-sided desire, then you've got yourself a platonic friendship.

Hope this helps,
Kucing Gatal
*****

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a platonic Meow.

My govt gets horny reading sex Q&As

2005-07-03T09:20:00.000+08:00

What's this Kucing Gatal hears? A ban on sex articles and Q&A in the media? There goes a few pages in Cleo, and I'm guessing FHM will now be reduced to a 10-page publication.

So let me get this straight. Say someone has a valid question, like: My husband and I got married 3 years ago, and we're trying to have a baby. I used to be on the pill but stopped a few months ago. Will this have any effect on our reproduction efforts?

Would a question like that be allowed? Would an article on sexually-transmitted diseases be allowed, or will it be a blanket ban on everything sex-related?

I really don't see what's the problem here. People are trying to get answers, they're trying to get educated. You think students in sex ed classes are going to ask their teachers: "Teacher, teacher, yesterday my boyfriend and I did some heavy petting, do you think I'm pregnant?" Of course not. For obvious reasons, these people write to magazines for advice. And in most cases, the agony aunt/uncle advises them to abstain, rather than risk diseases/pregnancies.

I'm not condoning sex between/with minors here, I'm just saying that at least there's some place these people can turn to for help. Well, there's always the Internet but sometimes you want an answer that's personalised for you and your unique problem.

I really wonder what the government is thinking. You think by banning sex articles and Q&A, unmarried couples are going to stop having sex? You think they have sex BECAUSE they read these articles? They wake up one morning, turn to page 35, read a sex Q&A, and get all horny? "Darling, look here, someone asked if it's a good idea to tell a partner about their previous sex lives. Ooh quickly come here, honey, I steam already ... "

Well, no matter. Kucing Gatal is still offering free Agony Aunt services for all problems, sex-related or otherwise. No need to spend RM5 a month just to see if your problem has been addressed. So come one, come all, write to the wise Kucing.

To the anonymous reader who commented in my last post, I will address your query in my next post, ok?

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a non-sexual Meow.

Cybersex: Then & Now

2005-07-02T11:30:00.000+08:00

I logged into a Yahoo chatroom recently, after a long hiatus. Before I could even say hi, three personal messages popped up, all bearing the same message: Hi ... asl plz! Now I remember why I stopped going into these public chatrooms. They're dominated by these social desperadoes who aren't at all interested in getting to know you, they just want someone to join them for a quickie in cyberspace.

I remember when I first started chatting, back in the mid-90s. The Internet was a fascinating place. I marvelled at the fact that I could chat to people from thousands of miles away in real time, simultaneously. Back then, people were genuinely interested in forming cyber friendships, chatters were courteous, and flamers were few and far between. Or at least that's what my memory chooses to believe. You know how nostalgia is, it highlights the good and glosses over the bad.

Eventually, cybersex took off big time. People used chat rooms for hot and steamy conversations. But at least the beginning of the chat would still be decent, a chatter would pretend to make some small conversation before getting to the "good bits". Kucing Gatal has participated in her share of cybersex encounters (who hasn't?) but it was just a passing phase. It's really not a turn-on for me to pretend I'm having wild sex when in reality I'm sitting in front of a PC screen, staring at someone's words on a screen, words that are supposed to make me moan and squirm but in reality have no effect on me whatsoever. Here's a sample:

SmilyGuy: Hey there, how are you?
^Cat^: I'm fine, how about you?
SmilyGuy: I'm doing good. Are you a male or female? Where are you from?
^Cat^: I'm female, from Malaysia.
SmilyGuy: Hey, I had a uni mate from Malaysia! He was from this place called Penang, do you know it?

(And the conversation would go on for a bit, until invariably the guy would ask me what I look like. My answers depended on my mood. Some days I was 5'7, slim, long black hair, greenish brown eyes, and other days I was 5'2, 86kgs and had a punk hairstyle)

SmilyGuy: You sound sexy. Can I ask you a personal question?
^Cat^: Sure.
SmilyGuy: What are you wearing?

(Again, my answer to this standard question would vary).

^Cat^: Well, it's very hot here today, so I'm just wearing a tank top and shorts.
SmilyGuy: Mmmm, wish I could see you. Are you wearing any panties?
^Cat^: Yes, a pair of lacy black panties.
SmilyGuy: Now it's getting hot here too. Not to mention hard ...
^Cat^: Well, why don't you get comfortable?
SmilyGuy: I am, I just took off my pants and am sitting here in my boxers. Would you like to help me get even more comfortable?
^Cat^: What do I need to do?

(The naiver you are or pretend to be, the more they like it, these perverts)

SmilyGuy: Well, how about you slip your hand into my boxers and feel me. But before that, could you take off your clothes too? It's not fair that I'm only here in my underwear while you're clothed.
^Cat^: Ok give me a moment.

(I go away to get a drink and return)

^Cat^: Ok I'm back, and now I'm wearing nothing but my black panties.
SmilyGuy: Ohhhh I really wish I was next to you now. Come sit on my lap, baby.
^Cat^: Shall I sit facing you or away from you?
SmilyGuy: Sit facing me, so I can look at those pretty breasts of yours.
^Cat^: OK.
SmilyGuy: Slip your hand into my boxers, can you feel how hard and hot I am for you, baby? I'm touching your nipples now, do you like that?
^Cat^: Oh yes, I can feel you ... wow you're big!

(If you can't massage the real thing, massage their ego instead)

SmilyGuy: I'm kissing your breasts now, licking you, giving you pleasure... do you like it? Are you wet?
^Cat^: Oh yes baby, don't stop!

And the conversation would continue until inevitably the guy would type: "I'm coming, I'm coming .... aaaah ... oooh baby that was awesome!"

Pretty boring, isn't it? Then voice-enabled chat rooms started mushrooming. Mics became a popular computer accessory. Cybersex had a whole new dimension to it. Words are one thing, but words with sounds, now that heated things up quite a bit! And so cybersex became more interesting. Most of the time I would tell the guy that my mic was broken though, so it would be quite one-sided, which was fine with me, as I could continue watching TV while laughing at the poor bloke jerking off to my hot words onscreen.

There was once though, when I was merrily typing away, and the guy asked, "Why don't you say something?" "I don't have a mic," I responded. His answer: "How come I can hear you typing then?" I froze, and then realised I was using a friend's laptop which had a built in mic. That conversation ended very abruptly!

Eventually webcam prices fell, and became affordable to the average Joe. Now you could actually see who you were talking to. Kucing Gatal likes viewing people's cams. There are those who claim they are handsome on their profiles, but then turn out to look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Not that it bothers me what they look like, but if you're not good-looking, then don't claim to be, ok?

Sometimes though, you click on a guy's cam, and instead of seeing his face, you end up looking at his dong instead. Kucing Gatal has seen enough ugly dongs to last a lifetime.

And back to the present. Today, when I enter a chatroom, I am assaulted with a standard greeting. Some guys do away with the niceties altogether. They start off a conversation by asking: "Hi, what are you wearing?" The ruder ones just go: "Hi baby, wanna f*ck?"

Kucing Gatal is no longer interested in such conversations. Cybersex is a thing of the past for me. The real thing is so much better, don't you agree?

This has turned out to be an extra long post, so I'll save my real-life exploits for later. Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a tired Meow.

Would You Let Your Partner Read Your Emails?

2005-07-01T10:08:00.000+08:00

My very first Agony Aunt/Makcik Derita letter. I don't promise to solve your problem, but I hope to dish out some sound advice based on experience, intuition and plain old good luck.

*****
Dear Kucing Gatal,

I am 23 years old and just found myself a girlfriend. This is the first girlfriend in my life. I have a lot of gal pals but until now no one wanted to go steady with me. Then my friend set me up on a blind date and we hit it off straight away. The problem is, this girl has started becoming possessive and jealous of my friendships with my gal pals. Everytime I'm on the phone with one of them, she wants to know who it is, and when I finish the conversation, she wants to know exactly what was said. Now she's demanding that I give her my email password so that she can read my emails. She said she trusts me but she just wants some reassurance that I'm not cheating on her. Kucing Gatal, I swear I am innocent, I never flirt with any of my gal pals, but at the same time I want my girlfriend to trust me completely, and I don't want to have to give her my password, for my privacy. She is a very nice girl, this is the only problem I am having with her. I'm afraid if I don't give her my password, she will break up with me. What should I do?

Sincerely,
LF

Kucing Gatal says:
Dear LF,

Congratulations on getting yourself a partner! It's good to hear that she's a nice girl. Now, this email issue is not something new. I've heard from quite a number of people that their partners either want their passwords or have actually hacked into their accounts. In some cases, these couples broke up because of unfaithfulness, and there was one case where the guy dumped the girl because he found out she had been posting up nude pics of herself on the Net, yet wouldn't sleep with him!

Kucing Gatal is very clear on this issue: an email account is private and confidential. I'm sure your girlfriend wouldn't want you opening her letters and reading them, right? Same thing. Reading someone's emails without permission is bad enough, but harrassing your partner into revealing their password is even worse. Jealousy is a bad trait that exists in most people; while most have it under control, there are those who see green even when there's nothing to be jealous about. If your girlfriend is jealous now, she's going to be jealous 10 years down the road. Are you willing to give in to her every time she asks you to prove your innocence?

I don't know what excuse you've been giving your girlfriend so far, as I assume you have not revealed your password yet. If you want to hold on to this relationship, and avoid a fight, Kucing Gatal advises you to quickly set up a new mail account, transfer your most private and confidential mails to this account, and leave the junk mails and mails you don't mind her reading in the original account. Then give her the password of the original account. Make sure you check your email as often as possible and keep transferring whenever needed. Best to advise your friends about this, unless they are mutual friends with your girlfriend, in which case you better keep your mouth shut.

Also, you can be a man and tell your girlfriend off if she keeps bugging you about your gal pals. Do this rarely though, so that she fears your unpredictable reaction and is unlikely to nag you often.

Kucing Gatal knows of men who have ditched their gal pals just because their girlfriends were jealous - these men are spineless and "queen controlled". What happens when the couple breaks up? The man finds himself a few friends short. Remember, girlfriends come and go, but friends are forever.

If Kucing Gatal were in your position, she would probably break off the relationship - the mental torture is just likely to get worse.

Hope this helps,
Kucing Gatal
*****

Phew! Got quite carried away for a bit there. I can dish out even more advice, but LF would probably fall asleep halfway through reading it. What do you think, readers? Did I give out the right advice? Maybe you have some similar experience to share? All comments welcome!

Till next time, this is Kucing Gatal signing out with a sage Meow.